Seriously struggling with 2 week old - rarely sleeps, cries constantly - what are we doing wrong?!

[moonriver32]

DS is 2 weeks old today, his birth was horrendous for various reasons but ended in an episiotomy and forceps delivery. Stayed in hospital 2 nights, came home with a catheter as wasn't able to pee by myself for a few days.

He's EBF and we've had a very difficult start to breastfeeding - he has a tongue tie, we've had a poor latch since the beginning, it's been absolute agony with nipple pain and engorgement and blocked ducts. I've tried expressing with no joy. Despite the feeding problems he's gaining weight well and lots of wet/dirty nappies so obviously getting what he needs. Lactation consultant and tongue tie specialist coming on Saturday.

However the last few days he has been constantly unsettled and inconsolable. He barely sleeps in the day, just screams all day long in between feeds. He seems to be struggling with wind but we can't get the wind up. Burping him after feeds will occasionally produce one burp but no more. But then the gas moves down and he's red, squirming, drawing his legs up in pain. Again we can occasionally produce a fart with baby massage but not consistently. He's now even crying when he's at the breast, grizzling and whining and pulling away and squirming. We've had him on Infacol for a week on advice of the midwife - no idea if it's helping. The words colic, reflux, silent reflux have been thrown around by the midwives and the health visitors - but nobody is really sure which it is and I don't know how you'd differentiate between them? He just seems so uncomfortable and miserable and I feel like I'm failing him. Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy the newborn stage as it's easy, they just eat, sleep and cuddle... But I'm not having that experience at all!

Yesterday he had an hours sleep at 5am and then wouldn't sleep again until after 1pm, he is so overtired. At night he will go down to sleep for 2-3 hours when we go to bed around 10/11pm but that's the only good stretch he has then it gets progressively worse throughout the night - when he's put back down to sleep after a feed/change he wakes up again after 10 minutes or so.

At my wits end, have cried more than I've ever cried in my life this last fortnight (feeding issues and now this) and don't know what to do, or if I'm just missing something really obvious?! Any advice of any kind welcome.

Thank you x

I could have written this post myself and I'm just reaching week 7 of it and was close to a breakdown! My baby is crying sore if he is awake and was absolutely starving constantly - I went to a&e as a last resort (after trying everything including GP several times) and they have diagnosed him with CMPA and severe reflux... changed his milk, trebled his omeprazole dose and carobel thickner for the milk. He's still the same but takes about 5 days to take effect and I'm praying it helps! Turned out I had been overfeeding him to help ease the acid pains in his throat (5oz bottles 8 times a day plus boob constantly) so he is now on much less feeds too - I would recommend seeing a medical professional because at hospital they were in shock that I had accepted this for so long (I hadn't -I just hadn't thought hospital was the right route) and admitted him for the night once they realised how sore/unsettled he was x

Honest opinion? I'm would try some formula. Comfort formula rather than the regular stuff. It's worth a try. My first was uncomfortable for monthsbwith severe reflux.

We tried everything including medication from the GP.

But the actual solution was to switch to formula.

This all sounds so familiar and I'm sorry you are where you are with it. The lack of proper sleep for him will be a massive factor in his unhappiness, we had this with our DD, it didn't even occur to us she was tired (oops!). We also had tongue tie and burping was so hard.

We introduced formula and did a combi feed which I honestly felt was brilliant when it came to tongue tie, my own tiredness, wanting my body back and being able to bugger off upstairs to have a shower in peace while DH fed her, the best of both worlds and I was SO much happier for it. I did struggle with the EBF vs formula thing but you know what, it literally doesn't matter. You do what's best for you, really, the 'happy mummy happy baby' thing is THE most important thing I've learned in 3.5 years of being a mum.

Have you got a sling? I hated it as I have massive boobs but it did help her go to sleep as well as a lot of car rides. The first few weeks will be a shitshow (literally too haha) and so blurry and you are just getting through. You do though!

We found gripe water was brilliant and just keep burping her until it happens, not getting that burp out is awful for little ones and we learnt this the hard way. When she did burp, even if it took an hour (yes really!) she was so much happier. Breast fed babies also need burping, I was told and read otherwise and its bullshit.

You will be fine but you're in for a rough ride for a bit, DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP.

I have been here. Get an electric pump and drain the breasts. It'll be so much easier to latch him when they're soft. It may increase your supply, but as they get bigger they drink more anyway so it'll eventually even out. Get silver nipple cups from Amazon and apply lasinoh generously. After the tongue tie has been sorted, it should be so much easier. In the meantime, you can feed using the milk you express off in a small cup or bottle (though with a bottle you do risk nippl confusion) if you're concerned he's not getting enough.

For wind, I found bicycle legs the most effective. Hang on, I'll try to find the video o used.

This is the video I used:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=OAe1C-kAliU

Formula.
Sling.
Gripe water or infacol.
Take the baby out, fresh air, lots of walks.

My first was like this. never slept and I had to hold her all the time. Feeding was a nightmare.
We went round the houses with silent reflux etc etc but nothing worked. She was a different baby at six months once she matured - we just had to hang in there.
Things that helped:
Me going to bed at 7/8pm for some sleep while DH held her. Then we’d swap lat evening but at least I’d had a few hours of sleep.
One of those baby swings
A sling
Me feeding whenever she cried. She was only really happy on the boob or being held.
It does pass.
You can spend a lot of time trying to get diagnosed but the passage of time is probably your biggest friend. We tried formula, it made no difference

It's easy????? Oh my word - it's quite the opposite!
Your hormones are doing a dance, your body is trying to heal and rebalance, and you're dealing with sleep deprivation and the indescribable stress and anxiety of early parenthood....
My heart absolutely goes out to you. It will get easier I promise you
Sleeping - is his room the right temperature? Also a midwife gave us an idea called 'a cuddle in a cot' - and I was very surprised because we were all taught not to put anything in their bed with them! Basically you roll up a shawl and make a horseshoe shape, that goes around the top near baby's head. You roll up a vest or something bigger and pop that under baby's knees to elevate them a bit. You put one of your tops on top of the sheet that baby sleeps on so they can smell you. And finally you tilt the bed up at their head end. The idea is they feel as if they're being cradled. It really helped my daughter to settle. But! Big disclaimer! Totally understand if you don't want to do this - it is against government guidelines. Up to you .
With the crying/colic - I found some really helpful videos on YouTube for positions that can calm a baby when they've got frantic.
I'm sorry I have no more to suggest. What about gripe water? Homeopathic remedies? also make sure she's not overstimulated too. My daughter's crying stopped the minute I started her on one bottle a day before bed at six weeks old. So she was just hungry - I felt so awful about that...
I have very vivid memories of being in your situation - I wanted to run away or do myself in...but now my daughter is 18 months and an absolute joy. Look after yourself xx

My third baby was like this. I had successfully breastfed the first two with no problems so It was new to me to have such an unsettled baby. She was loosing weight and never happy, I was sick of having to have paediatricion appointments etc so I switched to formula and she thrived.

I really felt for you reading this. My DS was terrible as a newborn, I also had a traumatic birth with episiotomy and ventouse delivery.

Firstly - if you want to continue to bf/express breast milk, then DO so. Please do not think formula is the answer to all of your problems. Everyone’s experience is different, of course. But for us, formula made everything 100 times worse.
My DS had an intolerance to cows milk. Not to be confused with a lactose intolerance - an intolerance to ALL dairy products. He had a rash all over his face, pooped 10-15 times a day (no joke) and screamed ALL day and ALL night. It was absolute hell. Like you, we tried every reflux/colic remedy going. We had those ‘diagnoses’ thrown at us from GPs, family and health visitors and nothing made any difference. As I was breastfeeding I cut all dairy out of my diet. Within days I had a new baby! His reflux improved massively, he pooped A LOT less and was so much happier, he even slept!
Does your DS have any other symptoms? What are his dirty nappies like?

I’m no medical professional, this is obviously just my experience. But cmpa is so common (Especially in babies with traumatic deliveries) and all too often misdiagnosed as colic/wind etc. It’s worth looking into. If it is the case most babies outgrow it (DS is almost 3 now and eating everything!)
Wish you the best of luck with everything xx

Ahh this brings back the nightmarish early days we had with my DS! He's 5mo now but for the first few months it was so hard so I really sympathise.

We were told it was silent reflux which was possibly due to CMPA however instinctively I didn't think this was the case. Paed kept prescribing different formulas which DS just wouldn't take to. He was also on omeprazole which I've heard wonderful things about from others, however it made no difference for us. In the end it was really just his digestive system needing to mature and him growing out of it. It was so so so hard going through it but it does end!!

Also he's possibly the windiest baby alive and I'm sure that contributed to a lot of the discomfort he was in. It's so important to get the wind out so just keep trying different positions etc (sometimes took an hour!!). With my son what works really well now is to sit him on my lap and rub/pat his back, if nothing comes up then I lay him down flat on his back for a few seconds, pick him back up and pat again. This almost always works weirdly enough.

I'd also try and ensure he is asleep within the wake windows for his age. This could mean using white noise, a sling, bouncing on a ball, whatever it takes. Mine would go from 0-100 in seconds screaming the house down just because he was overtired, and I only figured it out months later that's what it was. He's still quite hard to put down but I ensure I get him sleeping one way or another as I know he's exhausted but just fighting it so he needs a lot of help drifting off.

I really hope it improves for you soon. See your GP, speak to your HV. Also I hope you have some support in RL too. It will pass

This technique works well for us when I just cant settle him. I don't usually swaddle but do put the dummy in and hold him like this. It mostly calms him down.

Quite a few on YouTube so you can test them out and see what works!

You are exhausted and need to sleep. That for me would be to use some formula so your partner can feed him. When dd2 was tiny we did a shift ..... dh would come home from work about 5. If shower and sleep..... he kept baby downstairs till last feed done then put her to bed. I'd then take over when she woke next. It sounds drastic but having 6 hours sleep made life ok again. It only lasted a few weeks but it made a huge difference. If you have any willing friends/family get them to take him out for a walk in his pram and you go for a nap x

Just wanted to say if you do think it may be CMPA related reflux then be careful introducing non prescription formula - just in case the baby does have an allergy to dairy.

Both my children had this and it was awful for the first few weeks until I went dairy/soya free and the prescription formula was introduced to help with the feeding.

You can also ask your health visitor about ways to get your baby to sleep on their side - helped enormously with settling mine with reflux (propped with lots of support so they didn't roll)

Wishing you the best of luck and some rest for both of you soon xx

My friends just been through similar, shes cut out all dairy products and within less than a week her ds is a million times happier and more settled. Personally I would try that before formula because if it was a dairy intolerance then using the normal comfort formula could make it worse, although obviously a dairy intolerance is only one of many things that could be causing it. Also agree about pumping some milk off, both so you can get some sleep while dad feeds the baby, and also it can be easier to feed when your breasts are softer. Good luck - it will get easier

You've had some fantastic advice about formula and allergies but it might also be worth considering cranial osteopathy. Both my kids were really unsettled as newborns and it helped them both.

Apparently babies can get a bit "squished" when they are born, especially if it's a difficult birth which it sounds like yours was. It can leave them with sore necks and shoulders etc and cranial osteopathy can help sort this out. If you google for it you can hopefully find a practitioner near you. I also tried Infancol and gripe water but I think I this helped too. It somehow seems to soothe them.

I really struggle to express - I've tried hand expressing, manual pump and electric and can never get more than a dribble. I know the milk is there though as he's gaining weight and doing wet nappies.

He used to poo a few times a day but the last few days has only been going once in the morning, which seems to make the night time so much worse because by that point he is in so much discomfort.

The problem is its a vicious circle of feed until he's asleep, attempt to wind, which wakes him up, then the only way to settle him is to feed him again. I'm at my wits end, we tried a dummy tonight to see if it will settle him down to sleep - it stops the screaming but doesn't stop the writhing, red faced, drawing legs up, uncomfortable squirming that is the wind/colic. It's just not sustainable and I feel like there's just nothing we can do.

People say it gets better by 12 weeks ish... But that's TEN weeks away and I won't last until then. My husband goes back to work tomorrow and I'm absolutely terrified as I'm not coping with him here, let alone by myself.

Even if we switched to formula I wouldn't even know how to stop breastfeeding, wouldn't the engorgement be horrific? Especially as I can't express well.

I just need some real face to face help and have no idea where to turn.

First thing tomorrow phone your GP and insist on an appointment so your baby can be examined and prescribed something to help. It isn't ok or normal and they need to do something.

Have you considered a dairy allergy?

If he has tongue tie has it been snipped? Your son reads like mine at that age, he had (undiagnosed) tongue tie, allergies, reflux. We didn't know until he was nearly a year old. He's seven now and I had a dentist ask me recently how he was fed and how I coped with breastfeeding him for so long with his tongue tie.
After the experience with my first, once my second started showing symptoms we got referred and had it snipped at 3 weeks old and the difference was unbelievable.

Go to your gp and insist on a referral to a lactation consultant or a dentist that specializes in tt.
Also as has been pointed out if you think it could be allergies I wouldn't be giving regular formula to him. Hydrolzed milks like Neocate is best for allergic babies once diagnosed. Of course you can continue feeding him yourself if you cut out whatever allergen and make sure you're getting good substitute of whatever you take out from your diet as breastfeeding will make you lose weight. And multivitamins for yourself and probiotics (non dairy) for the baby. Proven is a good one.
It will pass, use slings, family help etc to get through it.

If you google bicycle legs and baby massage, it does help with wind and feed little and often instead of big feeds. It could also be reflux as well. Mine put on so much weight the doctors didn't believe there was anything wrong with him.

@musicmum75 I completely forgot about osteopath. We took both kids there as second was really bad because the umbilical cord was wrapped around the next twice and around the ankles so baby was stuck during labour and ended in an emergency section. Things you forget eh.

Do you have anyone to help you for a bit during the day?

A passive breast pump ( like the Lansinoh or the Haakaa) can be great if you don’t find expressing easy with the other types. You pop one on while feeding and the milk flows into it. Might be helpful. Also as mentioned cranial osteopathy helped my DD, very traumatic birth.
Hang in there, you’re doing great 💐

My LO is 11 weeks now. Just wanted to say it will gradually get better, you don’t have to wait until the magic 12 week mark to see some improvements.

Keep asking for the help you need, don’t be fobbed off.

A warm bath helped my LO with wind so could be worth a try.

We found gripe water was better than infacol but you shouldn’t give them this until they are a month old.

Hang in there.

Oh gosh this sounds so tough OP. Many of us have been there and it does get better, promise!

I agree with PPs that you should go to the GP and have your baby examined. Cut out dairy and see if it makes a difference - this is something you can do immediately and something you yourself can control. If it doesn't help, fine, but it doesn't hurt to cut it for a while to see if it makes a difference.

Get yourself some nice dairy free treats. Oatly in tea is great and Tesco do some great dairy free cheese and desserts.

During the day maybe try having your LO sleep on you as much as possible to rectify their sleep deficit. Every hour ideally. At the mo it sounds like they are both massively overtired and very windy/having digestive discomfort.

At that age I was counting down til 6 weeks, 8 weeks, 12 weeks, all the periods when people said it gets better. And it did get better, and my LO is 5 months and barely cries at all now. Right now it's shit, your body is healing and your hormones are all over the shop. but it's a infinite amount of time and you can do this! Ask for help when you can and be kind to yourself x

Hi @moonriver32

Firstly, you're doing a great job.

My baby was similar. My suggestions:

Give him a dummy. We didn't but my baby suffered with horrid reflux. She eventually found her thumb at 8 weeks and I felt so guilty seeing how much it soothed her.

Put the cot at 10 degree angle so head higher than feet.

For sleep - people I know had lots of success using a Sleepyhead (we didn't because they're not recommended by Lullaby Trust but if you're at wits end it might be worth it)

Lots of skin to skin, contact naps etc will soothe baby

Feed upright as much as possible - Google laid back breastfeeding position

Keep upright after feeds as much as possible

Check out your local NCT group and try to join an online breastfeeding clinic. We did this and found it really useful. There are also regional NCT WhatsApp groups for new mothers for you to ask advice - you're not on your own!

Cut out dairy and soy from your diet for at least two weeks to rule out CMPA

If things don't improve then speak to GP about meds for reflux (if diagnosed)

But most importantly - take one day at a time. You're in the trenches now but it does get easier.