Did you bond more with one child?

[Islagray11]

So, My eldest Son is 3. I had (what I thought) was a traumatic experience trying to give birth. It ended in an emergency C section. He came out and I didn't feel that rush of love that people talk about. I didn't feel overly attached to him, and almost felt like he was a strangers baby. I didn't cry when I went back to work or when he had first day at nursery. I always felt desperate for time to myself and struggled to get used to having a baby. I just assumed that some people felt this way.

I then got pregnant with my Daughter. I had a horrific pregnancy and was dreading having another baby after feeling so ill for months. I had an elective C section, and when she came out, I couldn't believe the massive rush of love that I felt. I thought my heart would burst. I cried for ages. I felt absolutely euphoric for about 3 months after and I couldn't bear to be apart from her. I felt like she was mine and I just felt like I knew her inside out.

I feel so awful for feeling this way. I absolutely love Son to bits, but I know if I'm totally honest with myself, that the bond is not as strong or not as natural as it is with my Daughter.

Did/does anyone else feel this way? I know that it can't be completely normal, but I also have no idea how to change the way I feel? Every night I go to bed, and I think how can I try harder with my Son, and what can I do to create a bond. Am I the only person that feels like this?

I only have one child so can't help, but I justed wanted to it's really brave of you to admit this and I suspect it's quite common, though very taboo.

My experience is very much like your first (no love for months, not in the least bit bothered about leaving her etc.) although our bond did eventually start to develop. I thought that the experience you described with your second didn't really happen, so it's interesting to hear that it can.

I hope someone comes along with some wise words for you

So many typos - I hope you got the gist!

I had EXACTLY as you described. I didn’t have traumatic births, but he first was long and I was exhausted. No rush of love etc, I just performed tasks for him, did everything I was meant to do as a mother.

With my 2nd it was obsession from the minute she was born.

They are now 6&5 and I have worked really hard to have a great relationship with my oldest, but on some level I feel like I still don’t understand him. My younger one on the other hand, we have a very natural and straightforward relationship, it’s much easier, even when she’s a pain I have endless patience for her.

It’s very sad really, and I have no idea how or what to do about it.

I’ve heard very many people say the same thing by the way!

@Ihaveoflate Thank you for writing back! I'm glad that someone else has felt similar with the lack of bonding straight away. It's one of those things that you just can't admit to people isn't it?

I also didn't believe in a million years that I would ever feel the way I did when my Daughter was born. I thought everyone just lied and said they felt that way, but I can't even put in to words how much I loved her. It was such a surreal experience. The best feeling I have ever had in my life.

@Luckystar1 so so glad that someone else feels exactly the same way. I thought everyone would tell me what a horrible person I am, so it's a massive relief that others have felt this way. I completely understand what you mean about not quite understanding him. My son is the polar opposite of me, and I wonder if this has something to do with it too. He is so amazing, massively confident, loves being the centre of attention, will talk to anyone, and I am just 100% the opposite of that. Agree with you also about having endless patience with Daughter.

I feel a bit relieved that I'm not the only one feeling this way, but horrible for my Son. I will keep trying to improve the bond. I try and copy how I am with my Daughter with him and just hope that one day a strong bond will develop.