Feel like a rubbish mum as my baby won't settle with me

[Foodx123]

Hey, feeling a bit rubbish so decided to post on here!

My baby girl is almost 12 weeks old and recently I've been unable to settle her. We live with my partners parents and I feel like I need to give her the baby to settle as I fail to do it. She just squirms with me and won't sleep. The only time she's happy with me is if I'm walking her around. But as soon as grandma has her she's INSTANTLY asleep? I feel like she prefers her yet I am the one she spends the whole night with, I take her swimming, I breastfeed her. I am scared I'm going to be second best and I've always wanted to have the perfect mummy, daughter bond but worried she'll have more of a bond with her grandma. Ever since me and my mum have never been close and I remember how much that hurt me I don't want the same to happen again. Why does she prefer other people to me? How come I hear of babies who won't settle with anyone but their mummies. I feel useless. Sorry I just needed to rant!

I think it could be that because you are stressing about getting her to settle then she’s not settling? My DH used to do that with our DD

It's nothing you're doing or not doing. DS had a phase where he would only settle for my DH. I think part of it was I'd want him to settle so we could all go to sleep. He wouldn't sleep and I'd start to get stressed which he would pick up on and then would be even harder to settle. DS got through it and I put him to bed most nights now as DH works late.

It could be she can smell the milk. Both mine settled much better for my mum than me. They’d root around a bit realise it was granny and no milk and sleep. On me they rooted and said it’s here I can smell it.
Stress also plays a part if they sense you’re stressed they will be and not want to be put down.
You’ll get better with practice, you’re 12 weeks in, your mil has done this with at least one child before.

Your giving up too early - and you need to move out.

Grandmother is probably calm and waiting for baby whilst you are stressed and expecting to give baby up.

Would baby scream all night if grandmother wasn’t there? Is grandmother and every one else waiting for baby to be passed to her?

Your going to have to spend one night in your room getting through it

She can probably smell your milk and just wants boob. Will she feed to sleep?

My son was exactly the same OP. In my post birth hormonal state I used to get really upset about this too. Then I realised - it was almost certainly because he could smell the milk (also exclusively bf). I used to get so upset that he wouldn't sleep on me like he slept on his nan. Then I realised I was being silly - he loved (loves) me so much. Once I accepted it was the milk he needed with me, I became a lot more relaxed and he probably did too.

Yeh I think it's the scent of the milk, too. With somebody else, she knows a feed isn't gonna happen so she sleeps.

Don't worry, OP. I'm sure she loves her mummy ❤️

Oh blimey! My kids would never settle for me! I think a combo of the milk and the stress radiating from every pore in my body plus the fact I couldn't face pacing around the room on 1 hours sleep. Accept the help, try not to read too much into it, and don't feel there has to be a competition with your MIL, who sounds super helpful! I have three kids now and they all love me so much, even though I am so far from perfect! Keep going OP, it's tough when you're only 12 weeks in! X

Yep, it’s the milk!

100% the milk. Both my girls would only feed to sleep, never ever fell asleep with me any other way. She still loves you most. Also, if you don't want to pass her over you don't have to - stay in your room and just relax with her, try and take the pressure off. Would stress me out too if I thought someone was waiting to take my baby off me to settle them!

OP I feel like you are me 3 months ago! I would say it’s the smell of your milk too. Seems to make them go a bit bonkers at that age! At your baby’s age DH had to put our DD to bed because she just wouldn’t settle for me. At times I thought she hated me (utter nonsense looking back.)

Things are completely different now and she kicks up a big fuss if DH tries to put her to bed and I have to take over.

Hey, it’s not anything you’re doing/not doing. I’m a new mum to my 10mo little boy and I remember these horrendous feelings well. He would NEVER settle on me, ever, cried all the time on me and settled calmly on his dads chest. Now at 10 months he snuggles into me, we maintain brilliant eye contact, he reaches out for me to hug him. It’s fine, you’re fine. Things will get better for you and it’s not because you’re not bonding, you are. I am convinced it’s because they know we’re their mums so try out patience!