Toddler behaviour

[LetsDinoDoThis]

I’ve never been a parent to a 2.5 year old before. DS behaviour has become more challenging recently and I’m no longer seeing friends/other mums as often due to local lockdown, so I’m looking for some reassurance/advice I suppose.

When we’ve gone to classes or seen other little ones, he’s very possessive of toys, if he sees another child with a toy he likes he’ll go on over and try to take it from them. It has even ended with him sitting in the corner with a grumpy face clutching a toy, while the other kid has forgotten all about it and is having fun with something else! He won’t share and I’m pretty sure that’s usual for his age, but he’s so difficult to distract!

He has become very fussy with food to the point where we’re now giving him fish fingers and chicken nuggets on alternate days, every other day chicken nuggets or fish fingers. So he’s eating processed food every day which I feel guilty about. Will not eat sandwiches, pasta, cheese, jacket potato, pizza etc.

Today he peed on purpose while I had his nappy off. I think this is mimicking his 3 month old sibling as he has seen baby do this.

He’s not at all interested in using the toilet or potty.

This all sounds like a massive complaint about him which I feel terrible about. He’s such a sweet little boy at other times, he tells the baby it’s ok when baby is crying, during imaginative play he includes all the characters, wants them all to be friends etc. He’s got a lovely sense of humour. He’s offered to give a number of his toys to the baby. But today in toddler group he was just grumpy and bossy with the other kids and I want him to be liked and get on well with others.

Frustratingly this sounds like normal toddler behaviour.

Honestly my 3 year old is a pain in my arse at times. We now get raspberry blowing, pushing sibling over and snatching toys.

Re potty training. He will do it when he is ready. Mine still struggles and has accidents but we didnt go nappy free until she was 2 years 8 months. (Only nappy at night) . We started with a sticker chart, 1 sticker for a wee in the potty and 2 for a poo. When we got 10 stickers she could have her favourite chocolate and 20 stickers a toy from the shop (within reason) once that has worked we moved to a Money box. So I let her choose the money box from Amazon and then she got a copper coin for a wee and a silver coin for a poo, for a really big poo she got a gold coin. Once full we counted it up and went to the shop or she could buy something on a day trip out. To save coins we swapped the coins for a note and then put the coins back into rotation.

At pre school behaviour was pretty bad. Snatching, not listening etc. Etc so she has a sticker chart there too, if she has a good week she gets her special chocolate. We make sure she doesnt have that chocolate any other time.

At home she has a smaller scale sticker chart and we use 321 naughty step.

The trick is to keep your words simple remember they only have a few years experience not 10s of years. And you have to follow through with threats. If you say no pudding then no pudding unless you give a way for them to earn it back with positive behaviours. Also keep eye contact and get to their level.

With food have you tried the toddler ready meals in Iceland or morrisons. Mine finds adult food too rich or herby so the toddler meals tend to be a bit blander.

But please know you are not alone and I do hide in rooms and have to count to 10. This usually helps as they have had the tantrum and I can talk to them in a calm voice.

Its doubly hard with a baby and all that brings. Just take one day at a time and wipe the slate clean after a nights sleep.

Mostly normal behaviour- some kids are worse at sharing than others. Does he attend nursery or a childminders, I do think that has helped our daughter to share. I wouldn’t stress it too much, keep reenforcung the msg and let him sulk,m. Don’t withdraw from play dates it will only make it worse.

As for food; I follow the rule to always offer something they usually don’t usually eat mixed with food they do. Again don’t stress- my nephew lived off weetabix for months and he developed fine.

Potty training- followed the oh crap method and never looked back.

Btw 1-2.5 I found so tough, as language develops it gets easier/ harder in diff ways

Gah I just wrote a big message and it got deleted.

All normal don't stress. I miss play groups so much so you can have a winge and figure out that it's all normal. All of the awful stuff. All normal.

Sharing - over rated. They all get it by school age, do you share your stuff? Distract, remove from problem, bribe with box of raisins or shock(bad parenting alert) ! Your stash of smarties in your hand bag! It won't kill them. When my baby was little my dd ate so much choc buttons - dh was horrified but honestly anything for an easy life. I don't so much now, she's fine - not ruined.

Food - yes don't stress. Give multivitamins. Have your seen jelly bears? They love these as look and taste like sweeties.
Therr are some fruit smoothies in a box with straw -tastes just like juice but says it counts for fruit. Sorry i forget the brand . When we go camping this is usually the only fruit/veg my picky kid eats for a week bar a few raisins. . She's fine, growing no problems.
You don't have time for secret veg etc - idea above to try kids ready meals is a good idea, never forget that baked beans are incredibly healthy!

I'd say at 3 months ds1 is just realising that this baby ain't going back where he came from ,you're by now totally exhausted and he is wondering where his beloved one and only mummy has gonever. It's so hard for them and at his age just can't articulate it. I read a super book 'Sophie and the new baby' before having the baby - I thought God this is harsh, as Sophie howls outside alone in the snow- but it's the one my dd kept going back to as I think it really touched her. There are lots of this sort of kids book out there - that usually end up with the baby becoming more fun or the siblings becoming best friebds- all reassuring stuff. Not sure what your library is doing atm but with ours you can call them and request they hunt for a few titles eg on a theme.
The main thing I'd be doing ( apart from going to bed early ) would be trying to fill up his cup of mum. Little snatches of special time when the baby snooze or at weekends even for 20 mins of just the two of you go for a walk or to swings or something. Simple stuff, take some chocolate buttons!

Children won't starve themselves. Maybe don't be as prescriptive long term with just breaded food , still give variety each night, but for now while baby is little - it's just survival. Go for easy, don't make meal times stressy, he will come round eventually.

Weeing and potty trainibg -:he's still v little. My 5 yr old only just out of night time pull ups and I know she's not the only one.