Hi, first post and looking for advice with my 5 year old son please.
He's struggling with anxiety in new situations and won't join in with clubs that he's said he wants to do. Pattern is he says he wants to do the thing e.g football, I find a class where his friends go, we get there and he stands at the side just point blank refusing to join in, even when I am able to stay and watch on the sidelines. He seems keen until the morning of the activity when the realisation hits him and he starts saying he doesn't want to go. I manage to get him there but not joining in. Prior to lockdown he was doing a couple of activities but they are not on just now and might not he restarting - so I know he can do it.
Bit of further background, he was like this on first two days of school but he obviously had to go in so the teacher took him in and he now loves it and runs in without a second glance. Has also settled fine at after school club and was fine at nursery. I'm confident he would be the same with any activity once he's done it once - and I do think he would enjoy the things I've taken him too.
He thinks a lot about things and definitely worries about them before they've happened and is also sensitive and picks up and comments on adults' tone of voice/facial expressions' as well as what they actually say. I wouldn't say he is shy though, very chatty and sociable and no problem making friends. In fact, his nursery teacher kept commenting on how 'popular' he was with all the children.
His dad (ExH) was a very shy and anxious child so empathises but thinks we just need to leave it and accept he can't do these things.
I am not so sure. On the one hand, I don't want to upset my son and risk making things worse. However, I do also feel that avoiding difficult situations won't help in the long run as it is essentially reinforcing that the thing he is anxious about is 'bad' so we will just avoid it.
Planning on trying one more thing which I think he will absolutely love and his older sibling can also attend the class with him but other than that, feel I might just have to leave it for a few months as can't physically force him to go and have tried all the usual strategies of reward, trying to understand what the issue is, what could help etc.
Anyone have any advice?
Also, just to say I know he is young and clubs are not the be all and end all. He just has a lot of energy to use up and I genuinely feel he is missing out on things he would enjoy, just because of his anxiety, which makes me sad for him.
Thanks in advance.