Really struggling to be happy.

[Isitbedtimeyet4]

Does anyone else sometimes just feel trapped?

I’ve got three under three (25 months, 12 months and 7 weeks) and I just feel so lonely and isolated. I don’t have a car in the week because my husband takes it to work, I never really see any friends because they all work or are busy. I don’t have a garden and have two flights of stairs to get down with three children so often don’t even leave the house. We never see grandparents due to one excuse or another, instead they buy them gifts they don’t want and just drop them off. I haven’t even managed a shower in three days and I’m just so beat.

My husband tries his hardest but he works 50-60 hour weeks, we’re looking for a second car but need to wait for the right one to pop up for a good price. We’re looking to move but again we need to wait for somewhere big enough that we can actually afford, I’m just so sad. I’m constantly unhappy at the moment and I know I’m not giving my children the childhood they deserve by never leaving the house.

There isn’t even a point to this post, I think I just needed to vent and it’s not fair to constantly do it to my husband!

Hi OP. Is it finically worth it for your husband to work 60 hours? Can he just drop down to 40 and support you at home a bit more. Things will be really difficult as you have had the babies so close together.
What about your mum can she help out?

Thank you for taking the time to reply! We could afford for him to drop his hours at work, but he’s working so hard towards a promotion to better our future and he’s been working towards it for so long that I really don’t want to ask him to give that up. For him to drop his hours he’d have to step down from his current role and I’m not sure when the next opportunity would arise and I don’t think I could forgive myself for making him do that.
Unfortunately my mum isn’t a reliable option, she comes over one every couple of weeks, sometimes once a week, but isn’t really interested in helping out - which I fully understand as it’s not her life or problems to help out with, but it just means she isn’t really available for that sort of thing!

Could you consider nursery for the oldest two?

I have really been considering a nursery, only for maybe one day a week as I feel silly spending the money on that when I’m at home full time with them! I looked and it will cost about £281.60 a month to put them in for one day a week, all I can think though is what lovely days out I could use that for instead if I could just pull myself together and get them all out properly (and find a second car of course!) but I think I’m going to have to book an appointment with them and see what hours they have available!

This sounds really hard, I think anyone would be struggling with three little ones and not much support.

Do you have a double buggy, or single buggy and buggy board? If you put the baby in a sling and the other two in the buggy perhaps you could get out while you wait to get a second car. Don’t feel silly considering the nursery though, it would probably do you wonders to have a bit of time to clear your head.

Would a child minder be cheaper for you than a nursery? Maybe have a look in your local area.

Would the home start charity be an option. My Auntie used to visit a family, help them go out, and just be another adult to speak to.

It sounds like you’re having a really tough time. I’ve felt terribly trapped at times and I only have 1 dc! I second the post about sending the older two to nursery. I thought as a SAHM I needed to be the one who did all the childcare but since dc started at Preschool, I’ve felt so much better and I think I’m a better/happier/more fun mum because I’ve had a moment to shower/clean/go for a walk/hear my own thoughts! I have more energy to do fun stuff and play with my dc when at home.

I know how you feel OP, I had three under four and my DH worked very long hours all over the country. Like you I had no family support. I put my oldest into nursery for a couple of half days and that helped. I just want to say it does get easier. Your baby is still a newborn so very tough. Go easy on yourself, you are looking after three babies. Make the most of the bad weather and winter months to just chill at home with them because time goes very fast.

Focus on the positive not the negative. Dont wake up in a morning and think 'I wish I could go out but I cant' you should think 'right what activities can we do in the house today!'
It's only because you dont have the option of a car that you want it more. I have a car and do I leave the house? Barely ever!
Keep going, I'm sure you're doing an absolutely amazing job and you deserve a medal bringing up 3 under 3!