Why do I get so angry with my baby at night

[JKDcot]

Feeling so frustrated my 4 month old has never been a great sleeper but now it’s taking ages to get him back to sleep after a feed. I just feel so fed up I can’t get any sleep myself and then end up getting angry with him. I know it’s not his fault but I get so wound up that when he’s finally asleep I can’t switch off.

Any tips. I have considered letting him cry it out but know it will never actually send him to sleep will just wind the both of us up more. Help

Sorry didn’t even answer your question as have also been awake 3hrs already.

When I have been up and down feeding and settling and start getting annoyed, either dh takes a go setting, or dh takes baby downstairs to try and settle in pram instead and give me an hour or 2 to catch up on sleep. This is usually after 5am. It’s gives me an hours headspace if nothing else. But 50% of the time baby needs feeding again after an hour or so.

I think you get used to a limited amount of sleep with a new baby and then anything less than that feels horrendous by comparison. We had the most horrendous sleep regressions - my jaw used to hurt all day because of how much I clenched it from sheer frustration during the night. I think I must have repeated "it's just a phase" a bazillion times, and it was - just bloody long phases in our case. It's great your DH is doing his share and if baby is napping well then try to get a nap in during the day too.

@HeartShapedBox4 oh goodness, I could have written your post. It is utterly shit. Sleep deprivation is evil and it can seem like there is no end in sight. I don't think anyone can truly understand until they experience it. My now 3yo was an awful sleeper. Just awful. I feared the nights. And now I'm pregnant again and terrified the baby will fling me back into the depth of sleep deprived hell. Anyone who thinks you can feed them and pop them down and they'll go to sleep easily without fuss is a deluded idiot. If it was that easy we wouldn't have threads like this.

Do 4-month olds still need milk at night? I’m sure around that age I followed the advice to just give cool, boiled water if they woke up. It worked a treat - after the second night of getting water, they stopped waking up.

Also could you reduce his daytime naps a bit so he sleeps through the night?

The advice has changed @LilOldMe. Cooled boiled water now not recommended until after 12 months and yes feed baby if she wakes once or twice in the night at 4 months. Obviously they don't need feeding 10 x overnight, but once or twice is common.

Don't worry @JKDcot I spent 18 months being angry at night as my little one was/is a terrible sleeper. I got through it by getting my frustration out before seeing to baby, whether that's a little cry or punching the pillow in frustration it helped.

This is not to say I would have harmed my baby before anyone jumps in on this but sometimes it gets too much and you have to let it out somehow, if not that's where the danger lies.

I wish more mums would say this is normal to feel this way

I hear you. DD was an atrocious sleeper and I freely admit to losing my shit on a regular basis in the middle of the night. It had a massive, negative effect on my relationship with DH as we had no outside help other than nursery and were both working and we were both so fucking knackered, I routinely used to go to the sick bay at work for a nap at lunchtime. Otherwise I would go to bed as soon as I had eaten dinner and then DH would bring DD into me about 1am.

Nothing really worked except time, to be honest. I have no idea how I managed to function with so little sleep.

I also don’t believe that most babies are like this. My son has been a fantastic sleeper from very early on- but we did introduce a dummy pretty much from birth on the advice of his consultant, as he was hospitalised after birth.

If we ever have another (hint: we aren’t), they will have a dummy ASAP.

Hi OP you’re not alone, the feeling of being woken up abruptly when you’re sleep deprived and exhausted is awful and used to make me feel really angry too. The midwife said to me ‘why do you think they use sleep deprivation as a form of torture?’
I agree with PP who said you need to get more sleep. Speak to your partner and arrange that you go to bed at 7.30pm and he can maybe be on hand until midnight so if you’re asleep by 8 you’ll get 4 hours solid sleep to start off with. Or something along those lines. Good luck I hope it improves soon.

Yeah what @Shadow1986 said.

The only thing I’ve actually been able to do that’s made my sleep occasionally better is give the control back to myself by going to bed earlier. Must remember to do this more consistently as actually it really does help xx

@UnicornAndSparkles absolutely. It’s super hard. Hugs xx

You may well have a good sleeper next. They’re all different. My DD1 was way easier than DD2. Don’t get me wrong I was still sleep deprived sometimes but all the sleep training stuff actually worked with DD1. I pretty much had her sleeping through around 6 months (teething and illness aside...) through gentle pick up/put down stuff. Was convinced it was the answer to all sleep issues!

Tried PUPD with DD2 at the same age (5/6 months) and she was having none of it she wouldn’t let go of me, would cling to my hair and clothes and scream til she choked. She was very very distraught at PUPD. I can’t push through that. It’s not always easy to ‘sleep train’ unless you’re made of steel and/or your baby is kind of halfway there themselves.

Good luck with babber number 2! Crossing fingers they’re chilled and self soothing x

I only have an 8 week old so can only speak from limited experience - but she’s a terrible mapper/sleeper and just seems to fight sleep (no she’s not overtired and yes we have tried everything)

I just get SO ANGRY at my friends who haven’t had bad sleepers and say things like “just put her down drowsy but awake” as they think they are miracle parents to have had baby’s that settled well. Ours just screams all fucking day. 😩

@vinoelle big hugs. It’s so so hard at that stage when they’re really screaming all day, I shudder at the memory, and people who don’t get it just don’t get it and that’s all there is to it. I have a friend whose newborn slept so well they needed to wake him for feeds and even the 4 months sleep regression didn’t happen for them which is usually a staple part of babyhood. Some people are SO lucky. And have no idea what it’s like to have a normal newborn let alone a tough one. Xx

Not sure if was you in another post talking about trying to give your baby a dummy and holding it there, cannot relocate. If so-

Hi of course he's this way. He needs comfort and nourishment, especially as young as 4 months. I was breastfeeding on demand a lot during night, and my baby slept next to me. The easiest way through for the 2 of you. It's harder for you and likely feeling this way more as defying
Biology. Your boobs are there to feed and comfort your baby. We are mammals. And no matter how much this scewed society makes you think otherwise, babies don't need to be sleep trained and should not expect to be sleeping through night .You will sleep better, as will your baby when you he naturally craves and so do you, even unconsiously after birthing your child. They are a part of you. In 4th month, so reliant on you to sooth and regulate them. My daughter still feeds during night and is 2. She sleeps soundly next to me after turning and having some when she likes. Feeding on demand helps us as well. It's just following their cues and trusting your inate wisdom. Drop the attitude of they arnt doing it right and won't take a dummy( which mimics your nipple)and try to do what you naturally should, what you want to but have somehow been conditioned out of thinking and feeling. Tune into you! Get into your body,out of head. Incorporate gentle movement and dance during day if can. After birth I was alone a lot too. Comfort your bub. They comfort you too, truly. Your body will release beneficial hormones and chemicals by doing what it needs . Read the 4th trimester book and reconnected parenting course great. Also ideally drop medication and look after yourself naturally as pills could actually be having a negative effect on your mental health and hormonal regulation . Lots of groups to support post natal depression on fb and natural parenting groups you could ask questions. Post natal depression would worsen if you are fighting against what is right. Care for you, care for bub. Youre in this together. Montessori education (Montessori toddler) as your child grows great too to get out of this societies robotic ways of thinking.

@Gglove

Not sure if was you in another post talking about trying to give your baby a dummy and holding it there, cannot relocate. If so-

Hi of course he's this way. He needs comfort and nourishment, especially as young as 4 months. I was breastfeeding on demand a lot during night, and my baby slept next to me. The easiest way through for the 2 of you. It's harder for you and likely feeling this way more as defying
Biology. Your boobs are there to feed and comfort your baby. We are mammals. And no matter how much this scewed society makes you think otherwise, babies don't need to be sleep trained and should not expect to be sleeping through night .You will sleep better, as will your baby when you he naturally craves and so do you, even unconsiously after birthing your child. They are a part of you. In 4th month, so reliant on you to sooth and regulate them. My daughter still feeds during night and is 2. She sleeps soundly next to me after turning and having some when she likes. Feeding on demand helps us as well. It's just following their cues and trusting your inate wisdom. Drop the attitude of they arnt doing it right and won't take a dummy( which mimics your nipple)and try to do what you naturally should, what you want to but have somehow been conditioned out of thinking and feeling. Tune into you! Get into your body,out of head. Incorporate gentle movement and dance during day if can. After birth I was alone a lot too. Comfort your bub. They comfort you too, truly. Your body will release beneficial hormones and chemicals by doing what it needs . Read the 4th trimester book and reconnected parenting course great. Also ideally drop medication and look after yourself naturally as pills could actually be having a negative effect on your mental health and hormonal regulation . Lots of groups to support post natal depression on fb and natural parenting groups you could ask questions. Post natal depression would worsen if you are fighting against what is right. Care for you, care for bub. Youre in this together. Montessori education (Montessori toddler) as your child grows great too to get out of this societies robotic ways of thinking.

This is some of the worst advice i have ever seen. First of all, this post is 3 months old. Secondly, gentle movement in the day is going to do fuck all to help with sleep deprivation. Thirdly, telling someone to come off their medication is fucking irresponsible.

I thought I was the most fantastic mum with my first 2 they fed when they should slept when they should slept through the night at 4 months. THEN I had number 3. My god someone asked me if was easier having a third. I replied NO if I could I would send her back where she came from. She never fed more than 2 ounces ever we tried every type of formula this was after trying to bf ger for 6 weeks and her losing weight. She never slept for more than an hour at any time. When she could move about we ended up strapping her into her pushchair at night so we knew where she was. She never actually slept the whole night until she started school and then she would only sleep with either us or her brother and sister. She is now 30 and loves her sleep but she has been blessed with a daughter just like she was. I do smile when she complains..