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New minder having trouble with mindee

8 replies

Savanna11 · 01/10/2020 22:32

I am new to childminding and started minding three children three months ago . I have a child of my own . I am having a lot of trouble with one of the mindees who is aged four . The other two children are absolutely lovely and very well behaved .
The eldest child has deliberately broken toys including doing it deliberately in front of his mother at collection to which she said nothing . He instructs the two younger ones aged two when he believes I’m out of earshot to hit each other , throw sand at each other or throw stones into the boiler pipe . He demands food and says he always gets what he wants . I hold firm to the house rules and explain that in this house we do x,y and z he sulks . It escalated when he asked my son to throw stones at me and he was smashing bricks against the side of the house . So I have spoken to his mam about his behaviour and she said it’s just he is an intelligent child and has always wound people up he even does it with her but she would have a word with him . He does lock her out of the car most days on collection .
Just looking for advice on how to promote positive behaviour because I feel he gets his way a lot and isn’t used to being expected to behave . It’s very draining and I don’t feel going back to the parents will help and I also feel it’s taken time away from my child and from the other two mindees . I feel if his behaviour doesn’t improve I will have to let them go through as it’s not good for my child either to be around this behaviour and I’m also too exhausted to enjoy his when they go home .
Just wondering had anyone encountered something similar and who did they address it

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coronafiona · 01/10/2020 23:02

Sticker charts, positive praise etc as well as firm rules? Very tough when it's not your own kid

BackforGood · 01/10/2020 23:06

I think this is the beauty of being self employed. there are enough disadvantages. I would give him notice. This isn't about a child struggling to manage his anxiety or being 'boisterous' or 'energetic', this is about his parent not having boundaries and not working with you to help her child.

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 01/10/2020 23:10

I’d put it in writing to the parents so you have a record of it. Ask for their help in disciplining him and say that unless his behaviour improves you won’t be able to continue minding him as he’s a danger to other children.

He may well have some behavioural issues or something but his parents sound useless if they’re dismissing it as intelligence and allowing him to lock them out of the car etc

I’d be looking to offload him and find another DC to mind tbh

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Serenschintte · 01/10/2020 23:12

There are no boundaries from Mum to the sound of it.
I think you have three options - have a frank talk with Mum about his unacceptable behavior- with examples. And explain that if his behavior does not improve he cannot stay

  1. Give Mum notice
  2. Deal with his behaviors ala super nanny, get down to his level, firm voice etc. if he doesn’t improve well there is no obligation on you to look after him and he isn’t your child so it’s possibly your remit to improve his behavior will be limited. Trying to persuade your son to throw stones at you is completely unacceptable and I would be mentioning this to Mum and her reaction would heavily influence the next steps I took.
Savanna11 · 02/10/2020 15:14

Thanks for very much for the advice

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MarkRuffaloCrumble · 02/10/2020 17:36

I would be mentioning this to Mum and her reaction would heavily influence the next steps I took

Exactly - if she’s not giving him any boundaries or consequences, nothing you do will have any long term impact and you won’t be able to trust him if he’s misbehaving - and worse, encouraging the others to misbehave - the second you turn your back.

Glenthebattleostrich · 02/10/2020 17:42

Life is to short for this kind of client. Triple P parenting is the bane of many a childminders life!

Tell mum that if behaviour doesn't improve in x days then you will have to give notice as his behaviour is impacting on others within the setting.

Tootletum · 02/10/2020 17:45

With that parental attitude, I'd suggest to her she may be better off stumping up for a nanny. I have a highly defiant 5 year old who does a huge range of pretty bad stuff (like when he tried to push his frail grandmother out of her chair because he disliked the seating arrangement), but just letting it go is absolutely not going to work for you or for the child. I have some success with star charts and clearly displayed lists of rules (sounds ridiculously strict, I know) with consequences. I avoid wherever possible getting into the situation of needing to punish him, because any attention is desired, negative or positive. General advice from the half dozen books I've bought is to focus on good behaviour and praise/reward. Keep rewards unpredictable. I've stopped trying to explain why bad behaviour is bad, because he will blame others or tangle me up in some weird reversal. I just execute the consequence with no further discussion. Usually withdrawal of TV privileges or whatever else he finds fun. I feel for you, some kids are just SO HARD!!

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