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Parenting

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Little one being aggressive at nursery

6 replies

Serendipity456 · 01/10/2020 14:04

Hi everyone. In need of some advice on how to handle my little one. She's 2 years old. I am a single parent after having left a very abusive relationship. LO unfortunately witnessed a lot of violence :( however she has 95% of the time been a very loving, gentle, affectionate little child. LO witnessed her father pushing me to the ground and few days later repeatedly the behaviour at nursery. I'm out of the relationship and it's just us.. I'm worried that what she's witnessed has some how resonated with her as few days ago I was told at nursery pick up she spat in a child face and also hit them.. I'm not sure how to handle this, I was so upset...but I don't know if this is either normal developmental behaviour or whether her fathers aggression has transpired in her behaviour. Advice would be welcome. Thank you.

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nimbuscloud · 01/10/2020 14:06

She has witnessed violent behaviour and it’s normal to her. Are the nursery staff aware of the situation? She may need help to process what she’s seen.

Serendipity456 · 01/10/2020 14:09

Yes nursery are fully aware.. I'm expecting court papers from her father for access soon.. Presumably this needs to be mentioned to the CAFCASS officer? I'm devastated this is happening.

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Notyoungbutscrappyandhungry · 01/10/2020 14:15

I really recommend the parenting course “you and me, mum”. It’s a specialist course for mums who have left domestic abuse and how it may impact both you as a mum and your child. It’s totally supportive.
On the specifics, it could be she is repeating things she has seen. Two year olds do sometimes push and shove too. It’s probably making you quite worried but I just wanted to say loudly
You are safe. Your daughter is safe. You left when she was very little so she has every chance to recover from whatever affects it had. You have so much to feel proud of

TheVeryHungryTortoise · 01/10/2020 14:20

Firstly, well done for leaving that relationship! That was the single biggest gift you could ever give yourself and your daughter. I am sure someone with more expertise will come along shortly, but I will give my 2 cents. I would think that continuing to talk to your daughter about why that behaviour is unacceptable in an age appropriate way would help (e.g. it hurts other children and makes them very sad, we use kind hands with others etc.) Also, keep on modelling good behaviour to her, she will look up to you now as the example of what a good person is and how they act towards others. You cannot change what she has been exposed to in the past, and that was never your fault, now it's time for you to both work together to build a new happy life focused on love and respect. Well done again, what an inspiration you are for your daughter, she'll know that she has worth and should never settle for being treated badly by anyone.

Serendipity456 · 01/10/2020 14:21

@Notyoungbutscrappyandhungry thank you. I just worry a lot.. She's such a lovely sensitive affectionate child.. Her father is pursuing a court application and this is just a prime example why he should not be in her life

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Serendipity456 · 01/10/2020 14:25

@TheVeryHungryTortoise thank you. X
Yes, both myself and her nursery say kind hands.. I told her I was very disappointed in her behaviour and its not nice to hurt other people and we treat others how we want to be treated. She just looked at me blankly.. It frightens me because she's had NC with her father for months now. It was an extremely violent relationship and mentally and emotionally bullying.. I got out because I truly believe my daughters life would have been destroyed. Its different when it's just you, you don't see what's wrong or you don't choose to see it.. But when it started affecting her I had to go. We've been NC with her father for nearly 5 months now.

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