10 week old will not settle

[chc86]

I'm at my wits end and looking for someone to tell me this will get better :(
My ten week old baby will not stop crying at all unless he is being held at all times or in the sling and even then he spends a lot of time fighting and writhing on me. as soon as you put him down he screams and screams. He hates the pram/ bouncer/ any contraption at all other than being held and even that takes age to settle him.
I also have a 14 month old and feel so sorry for her as I can't do anything with her without the constant screaming in the background.
She was such a good baby and I'm really struggling with him. I feel like I can't enjoy him as all he does is cry which means I don't want to go out and take him anywhere as the anxiety of him kicking off just takes over. I literally spend the day waiting for my partner to come home so I can pass him the baby.
We are using colief and gaviscon but these don't seem to have made much difference so GP has now decided to refer us to paediatrics as he is still so unsettled. I also have an appointment to see a cranial osteopath tomorrow.

Has anyone been through anything similar and can tell me if there is light at the end of the tunnel? Right now this just feel relentless

She was such a good baby and I'm really struggling with him.

He’s being completely and utterly normal For a baby in the fourth trimester. There is no good and bad in this. If you carry on thinking this way it could be really harmful for your bond with him.

@Feminist10101 HOW HELPFUL.

OP please ignore this person, that's a ridiculously insensitive and inappropriate comment for someone who's clearly struggling with a new baby.
You've done nothing wrong and you won't affect your bond with your baby. Its a cliche, but really - its ok to not be ok. Motherhood is hard and babies are exhausting.
DS was a very easy young baby, until he reached around 9 months old when he become inconsolable for 90% of the day. He was MISERABLE, moany, unpleasant, whinging the entire day. I just didn't know what to do. I found myself thinking to myself, I'm just
Not enjoying this at all, this isn't what I imagined motherhood to be like. We went back and forth with the GP who kept telling us it was reflux (it wasn't) and eventually went private and paid an arm and a leg for a wonderful consultant who diagnosed chronic constipation. Put him on medication and he was a new baby, overnight (genuinely overnight).
Babies do cry, however, they don't cry all day for no reason. The best thing you can do for your baby is to not give up, keep on at the GP and paediatrician until they diagnose what's wrong but I promise you, you will get to the bottom of it and your baby will be happy one day. It may not feel like it now, but everything is temporary and having another child you know this isn't what they're like all the time. Even the tricky ones don't cry non stop from the day they're born.
Wishing you the best of luck and hope you get answers soon. Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing a fantastic job

I feel really sorry for you. I had a refluxy baby who was like this. Unfortunately until about 16 weeks-ish I think, hard to remember. It was really tough.
Things that helped us were me giving up dairy. If you're breastfeeding this may help. Also, probiotics for some reason. There's a brand called ProVen (I think, will come back to you if wrong) that have specific formulation for breast or bottle fed, we used those. Then, I had a swing chair from Mamas and Papas. Battery operated, would give me 15 blissful minutes of peace if I popped her in that on a fairly fast swing.

It did get better. She's now a lovely 3 year old and absolutely the easiest toddler, so it definitely will get easier.

Thank you so much @theantsgomarchin that other comment has just had me in tears 🙈
Thank you for your kind words hopefully we will get to the bottom of it soon x

@Mylittlepony374 thank you so much- this feels me with hope! Is it literally true that it just stops at a certain point??

Are you breastfeeding?

He sounds very similar to my friends daughter who had a dairy allergy. 2 weeks after she cut out all dairy from her diet her baby was like a different baby, so settled and happy.

If formula feeding, Could you ask your GP to try the dairy free prescribed Formula?

Worth a shot

@OverTheRainbow88 no not breastfeeding- I hadn't even considered this but thank you will definitely look into. Am I wrong in thinking that he would have a rash or some sort of reaction if he has a milk allergy?

The main symptom of my friends daughter was the constant crying/screaming/being unsettled.

May be worth asking GP as they have to prescribe the formula; and if in two weeks made no difference at least you can rule that out.

If it helps.. you’re not on your bloody own. I have a 15 week old and I had a complete melt down 4 days ago because he wouldn’t settle for 48 hours. I had 20 minutes sleep the whole time.

I felt like dropping him on his head.
I reached out for help from family/partners and now a million times better.

Do you have anyone close? I know lock down is probably tough but think of your mental health also!

@OverTheRainbow88 thank you so much I will ask the gp!

@chc86

Thank you so much *@theantsgomarchin* that other comment has just had me in tears 🙈 Thank you for your kind words hopefully we will get to the bottom of it soon x

Sorry. That wasn’t my intention. I don’t think it helps to label babies as good or bad though.

@chc86 DS has CMPA (cows milk protein allergy) and it was a LONG OLD SLOG trying to find the best way of feeding for him. I breastfed and he didn't react to me, it was only when trying to wean him that we realised. It can either be IgE mediated (or immediate) or non IgE (delayed). They can also have a mixture of both. Immediate would be things like vomiting directly after consuming dairy (DS's symptom which made it pretty easy to diagnose, along with a skin prick test to confirm), eczema, hives / rash etc diarrhoea etc and delayed are things like constipation, tummyache, reflux etc. So it's very possible that he could have CMPA without a rash or any vomiting. However, the tricky thing is that delayed CMPA cannot be diagnosed with a skin prick test, the only way to know is to remove cows milk from baby's diet entirely and see if symptoms go away. Slowly reintroduce and if symptoms return you can be pretty sure that's the culprit.
In the meantime, your GP can prescribe a formula to try but there's a few different kinds. They stink to high heaven and taste like garbage, but where baby is so young it shouldn't be too much of a difficult transition. Similac alimentum and similar are extensively hydrolysed and have a very small amount of broken down dairy in them. They'll recommend you try these first, however, baby still reacts then they can try neocate which is, for want of a better phrase "almost completely dairy free". There are very very few babies who still react to Neocate.
I would suggest this to your GP, tell then you've done your research and would like to try an extensively hydrolysed formula, there's no harm in trying. If the GP gives you a hard time, get in touch with your community dietician via your local HV team. My local team were absolutely fantastic and we are still in touch with her now while working our way through the milk ladder.

@WWYD2020 it's so hard isn't it. I spoke to the GP yesterday and said to her I don't think I have PND but I honestly feel like I'm getting there because it really takes it's toll on you doesn't it. I had a bit of a breakdown to my partner the other day and he has been trying to help more but it's so tough- and lockdown doesn't help like you say! Sending you lots of love!

@theantsgomarchin this is SO helpful thank you. Bizarrely the GP has just messaged me now saying that the paediatrician has suggested we try cows milk free formula and she will call me tomorrow to discuss.
Will definitely mention what you suggested thank you so much. X

Living with an unsettled, constantly crying baby is very, very hard and the toll it takes should not be underestimated. I have nothing but sympathy for you.

I took my baby to a cranial osteopath at about the same age as I was at my wit’s end. She was also medicated for reflux, so I can’t be certain it was the CO, but things really did start to improve after a couple of visits. It was a slight improvement at first, but when you have a baby who cries pretty much all the time you’ll take anything!

In the meantime, do anything you can to survive. Reach out to family, give each other breaks (if you have a partner), and get out of the house. I had massive anxiety about the constant crying which stopped me going out in public, but I should have cared less about what people think. In reality, the sound of a baby crying (that isn’t your own) barely registers.

It will improve

It honestly does get better. I found 6-10 weeks so, so hard I was honestly considering going back to work just to get a break!
If you search my posts I even made a thread called please say it gets better!
DD just seemed to turn a corner at 12 weeks and is still marvellous now at 15 weeks. However I am under no illusions it'll stay this way but I think getting through those few weeks showed everything is really just a phase-good and bad- just to keep trucking

I really feel for you. I have a 9 week old and it's been so hard. He cries a lot and I don't know what to do with him when he's like that (although I do get some lovely alert smiles and chatting from him, so it's not constant). He has reflux so I know he's sometimes in pain. I thought I had managed to put him to bed at 10pm tonight and started thinking about this amazing early night I was going to have only for him to wake up 5 mins later screaming. He needs feeding but is too unsettled, I can see this going on for hours tonight. I really hope it passes soon.

When I read this, I also wondered if it could be a Dairy allergy.

I'm absolutely no expert, but my eldest used to writhe around in pain, screaming, generally being really unsettled when she was little. Around 5 months, we tried lactose free formula (apparently not recommended unless health visitor says so, but we were so desperate that we just tried it). She was a completely different baby overnight.

2nd baby also v whingy. She can't hack normal powder formula and has to have the ready made liquid in bottles. Costs an absolute fortune but worth it.

Both of the above suggestions might be totally pointless, but just in case. Hope things get better for you soon x

@Ihaveoflate thank you so much. I think I was trying to manage it all on my own too much but feel so much better after I completely broke down to my partner and he has been much more supportive now he is aware of how much I am struggling. Thank you for your positive words xx

@BelBabe this fills me with hope that we may turn a corner very soon!! Thank you x

@LillyLeaf I feel for you it's so so hard. I get an odd smile and coo here and there and it breaks my heart when he is then wriggling with pains.
Hope it passes for us both very soon. Sending love. X

@WeEE the more I am reading about dairy allergy the more I am convinced that it what it is so hopefully that will allow us to make things better for him. Thank you x

Infacol is your friend..and time.

My son was exactly the same and we had to hold him for hours upright. It was hell, I know. We used infacol for trapped wind, burped burped burped. Used the tiger in a tree hold and I slept upright with him and I wedged myself between a v shaped pillow.

It all started getting better around month 4.

We did try baby gaviscon but if made no difference.

Oh and please see a go before doing anything related to milk allergym
I got sucked into believing my son had it on here. I was convinced. I joined FB groups etc convinced my husband. Took baby to go who told me not to change my diet at all.
I didn't and I'm so glad I didnt. He deffo didn't have it in the end but anyone on the forums etc would have been adamant he did.
So please be careful.