Really struggling with motherhood

[JKDcot]

Not sure why im posting and this might just come across as a moan. But I’m really struggling with my 4 month old son. He doesn’t sleep well at all either at night or during day time naps. I have to fight him to get him to sleep eben though I can see he’s over tired. I’m breast feeding but moving into formula but it’s making his tummy bad and he cries with tummy pain from 5am every morning.
To top it off I got made redundant and now am job hunting on my maternity leave which wasn’t what I expected to be doing. We can’t have proper family support due to COVID restrictions and I’m exhausted, lonely and fed up. I just get to the evenings feeling like I’ve survived the day and dreading the nights where I’ll be up 3 times feeding then awake by 5am trying to placate him from crying.

Any advice other than just deal with it. I’m constantly on the verge of tears and getting really ratty with both my son and husband. I know it’s not their fault but I just feel so lonely and out of control

Is this your first baby?

It’s bloody tough and relentless. I’m sorry you’ve been made redundant, that’s such shit timing and extra stress. You’ve had a baby during lockdown and a pandemic, it’s terrible.

Could baby have dairy allergy? GPs can prescribe dairy free formula to try, could be worth an ask?

Can your OH take some extra annual leave? Any family near by?

Yes it’s my first baby. Maybe that’s why I am finding it so hard and think everything I am doing is wrong. It’s just so much harder than I thought.

I’ve tried cow and gate, aptamil and now hipp milk but all seem to do the same. Tummy pain and vomiting. I might try dairy free but I’m not sure if it’s just normal as he’s getting used to more formila vs breast milk

My husbands family are nearby but they are working and I’m embarrassed to admit I need their help. My husband refuses to take annual leave to just sit at home and help with the baby. He’s waiting for Covid travel restrictions to lift so we can go on a proper holiday. Keep telling him that he’s waiting for godot with that... just feel like it’s ground hog day

My nephew was in a kinda similar situation ie..the milk when he was coming off the breast the health visitor put the baby onto an acid reflux milk I think that's what it was it settled him quite quickly not because he was being sick he never was it was because he was a hungry baby not getting what he needed to from the other follow in milks they did try!!! And also I know words are not helpful but enjoy it he is only 5 month u think you moan the now as u probs know the best is yet to come try n be chill n maybe like just think feck it tomorrow is another day I'm bossing this day try finding that wee nich music hoovers dance tv anything will occupy him maybe a nice soak in the tub for him calming baby oils every nite wee baby massage maybe put him a routine like ok it's bedtime tbh I'm no that confident in myself or giving advice but I have tried most of this seemed to work really hope u get through this an enjoy it I really do hope this helps a tad x

My husbands family are nearby but they are working and I’m embarrassed to admit I need their help.

Please don’t be embarrassed to ask for their help, they may not want to offer as don’t want to intrude. You could message saying you’ve had a tough few nights and could they come over and hold baby while you have a bath, or if it’s sunny could they take baby out in the pram while you have a nap/bath/ whatever you fancy.

Your baby has reflux. Vomiting and constantly grumpy baby are classic signs. You need to go to the GP and ask for help with reflux. It is not a quick fix sorry. You have my sympathies. My eldest was similar and it was really hard work.

Most of us have gone throught this, it is awful. You hormones are in flux as well keep in mind and you are still recovering from the birth. However there are some things that will help you.
DH needs to take the baby away from you for at least an hour a day. You want him (DS) out of your hearing range so you can really rest - ideally Dh would take him for fresh air, baby will sleep much better that way.
When you get your break, TAKE YOUR BREAK. It should not be used to clean or job hunt etc. Otherwise you will be worn out and things will get much worse. Try that small change and see what happens. Don't loose heart - it is bloody tough but it WILL get better.

It gets easier, hang in there, you are doing an Amazing job given the circumstances.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I feel so wired that now my husband has taken the baby and I am so exhausted I can’t sleep / rest? I am physically shaking?? Just over tired I suppose.

God motherhood is hard

You're so not alone - it's bloody hard at the beginning. And even tougher to be doing it with all this Covid stuff going on. You've got some good advice already but I'd add my voice to those saying you need to get some time to yourself every day. A nice bath, sit out in the garden, lie down and power nap, whatever it is.

If you are moving to formula, can your partner do the last feed at night to try to give you a decent sleep chunk? I found that once I had a 4 hour chunk restored, it all felt a bit less impossible.

It's pretty normal for it to feel like survival mode, I definitely felt like this for the first 4 or 5 months. Then one day it just started feeling a bit easier. DS is 18 months now, and absolutely amazing - it really does get so much better. Hang in there and be kind to yourself.

If formula is making your baby sick, i would stick to breastfeeding if i were you.

If formula is making your baby sick, i would stick to breastfeeding if i were you.

I agree. Is there a reason you're introducing formula so soon?

OP is struggling as it is, no need to question her feeding choices.

@OverTheRainbow88

OP is struggling as it is, no need to question her feeding choices.

But her feeding choices are making her baby sick, she says so herself.

OP is struggling as it is, no need to question her feeding choices.

Rubbish. It's a legitimate question with no judgment involved whatsoever. She's breastfeeding already and the formula is making the baby sick and everyone involved miserable. If there isn't a need to use formula at this stage, why do it when it's obviously causing more problems?

I’m coming feeding as I still get bleeding nipples and his latch is awful and we’ve struggled from the start. There’s been no breast feeding clinics due to Covid so I’ve persevered for 4 months but can’t continue

Bleeding nipples is the worst. You’ve been a saint to carry on for so long with no feeding support and sore nipples.

Oh OP, I feel for you. It really is so hard! It will get a little easier, I feel like I've come out the other side of it.

Try the acid reflux milk as PP suggests, my DS wasn't half as sick on that one, it helped his tummy.

Have you tried nipple shields? I've had to use them the whole time I've breastfed because my DD wouldn't latch properly. They are a bit of a faff but might be worth a shot in your circumstances?

I've got no idea about feeding (sounds like really hard work though ) but I do know that your husband needs to step up. He should be helping out - introducing bottles means he can help more so you can get more rest, which it s sounds like you desperately need.

There's no such thing as a "proper holiday" once you've got a baby, it's the same shit just in a different place.

I see you have so much good advice anyway but I thought I would just say that it's hard, but you have got this. My son is 4 months now and he suffers with cows milk protein intolerance and reflux. He stopped eating for a week and lost weight. We had to pay for a private pediatrician because our GP was rubbish, blaming COVID for their incompetence. Anyway, now we are going through the dreaded sleep regression and he has his last jabs a week today. It seems when you get things on track something new comes along to disrupt it. I just want you to know you are not alone. For the first month or more after he was born, I was a mess and didnt see how I could possibly do this, longing for my old life back. BUT stop feeling thr embarrassment and the guilt. Lean on your friends and family. Have time to yourself. Look after yourself!

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support.

My husband looked after him yesterday evening and I got a much better night sleep. He seems so much calmer today and napping well so feeling bit more in control. It’s just so up and down isn’t it x