Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

lost my cool with 18 month old. Feel terrible.

19 replies

Mella91 · 29/09/2020 14:52

Hi,

I feel rubbish and have no-one I can talk to about what happened today. 18 month old DS has always been very easygoing. He is calm, affectionate and always happy. My motherhood journey was always quite easy compared to friends and the main reason was because DS was easygoing.

This past week we have hit a sleep regression and it is the hardest. He cries all night, doesn't nap - screams and hits his head around. I have been back at work (I am a teacher abroad and have been on paid leave since march due to COVID) for 2 weeks now and feel exhausted and tired. You'd think after resting for so many months I shouldn't feel tired but its the exact opposite - I got used to spending all day with DS and resting while he napped.

Today I took him for a nap and we had the same issues. It took more than 2 hours of him crying. I eventually snapped and shouted at him :( he cried a lot harder and was visibly shocked because we never raise our voice at him. And then .. I feel terrible but I want to open up - I pushed him into his bed and yelled when he tried climbing out again. I feel absolutely awful. I realised I was loosing my temper so left him in his safe crib with a cartoon on (we rarely let him watch tv) so he didn't cry, called DH who returned home and took control of situation.

I feel absolutely horrendous. I just got a vision of shaken baby syndrome (I didn't shake him, but I pushed him into his bed - he wasn't hurt because of the mattress but I shouldn't be pushing my baby!!!!)

And the absolute worst part is that after I shouted at him he kept crawling towards me wanting me to hold him :( My heart is breaking into bits. I feel awful and cruel and I just need to talk to someone.

He woke up an hour ago, I cuddled him and apologised and read his favourite book. He doesn't seem to remember but I feel terrible.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mella91 · 29/09/2020 14:56

I want to avoid something like this happening again. I am thinking if he doesn't want to nap then I shouldn't push him and stress us both out. But then he is 18 months old. He needs his naps and I don't want him to leave naps when this is just a sleep regression.

for anyone asking, we took him to our GP yesterday to check out for an ear infection. Doctor said he was absolutely fine, no problem at all and that he is just having a regression

OP posts:

carrottbaton · 29/09/2020 14:56

Hey - it's ok. You know you lost your temper and you walked away before anything happened. Is he ok? We all have bad days and make mistakes, just move on. Kids push you to your absolute bloody limit when sleep is involved.

Original poster

Mella91 · 29/09/2020 14:59

@carrottbaton I left him safe in his crib with peppa pig on. DH came, took him out for a stroll and he fell asleep in his stroller apparently crying.
He is ok now, snacking on his sugarfree cookies and occasionally feeding me too.. I guess he has forgiven me :( makes me feel worse!!!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families

Pukeymama · 29/09/2020 15:05

Don't be too hard on yourself, parenting toddlers is such hard work and you walked away when you realised you were losing control of the situation. Sleep deprivation is just horrific. Lots of DS cuddles this afternoon and hopefully you'll feel better.

Emelene · 29/09/2020 15:14

Don't beat yourself up, you recognised when you were angry and walked away.

My 22 month old was refusing to nap yesterday, laughing and running away out of bed. I ended up shouting at her too. She did eventually go to sleep and no harm was done. Sounds like you are a good mum, don't overthink it.

JKDcot · 29/09/2020 18:17

Try not to get upset with yourself @Mella91 you’re only human and everyone has a breaking point. No damage was done and tomorrow is a new day

I have been the same with my son today. He didnt sleep well last night and refused to nap all day so I dumped him in his sleepyhead crying, hit the side of the sleepyhead and walked off to get my husband. He wasn’t hurt but looked visibly shocked.

Just finding him frustrating and can’t understand the anger you can feel when you’re over tired.

Tickly · 29/09/2020 19:25

Please don't beat yourself up too much. You obviously feel terrible and have said sorry. You realised you lost control and made him safe and called for help which is brave. He won't remember it. It's a tough old age to parent. You've got this.

doadeer · 29/09/2020 19:29

It's a tough age they are starting to test boundaries but still very baby like. You sound like you're very judgemental of your own parenting (saying he never watches TV and doesn't eat sugar) cut yourself some slack. It's OK for them to watch some TV. It's OK to get frustrated and upset. Both of you are just learning. He won't remember this. I guess you need to consider how to stop your frustration escalating until you feel out of control like you did today as it's caused you a lot of upset 💐

Original poster

Mella91 · 29/09/2020 19:31

Thank you all so much! I feel a lot better now, I just can't stop cuddling him.

I hope I don't go through this again.. I feel horrible

OP posts:

niclw · 29/09/2020 19:39

Being a teacher and a Mum is tough. I agree with previous posters - don't beat yourself up over this. You stopped yourself and walked away. That's the main thing. Everyone always thinks that teaching is easy at that we are done by 3pm but they don't realise how mentally exhausting it is. Make sure you get a chance to rest and relax once your DS has gone to bed

Debradoyourecall · 29/09/2020 20:21

It’s possible he’s phasing out needing daytime naps so don’t worry too much if he doesn’t want a nap. My eldest stopped napping completely in the day around that time. Hope things get better at night x

CottonSock · 29/09/2020 20:25

Don't force the nap if it's stressful, get out for a walk in the pram. He will sleep if tired. Mine never wanted to sleep in cot.

alesha123445 · 30/09/2020 08:19

You sound like an amazing mum who's trying her best, dont worry about it. Despite us all wanting to be the perfect mum we are all human and we have our moments. I find that when my babies going theouhh sleep regression you have to find another way to put them to sleep, someone suggested putting them in the pram which is an amazing idea. Another is reading them a story, stroke their head, tickle them and hope for the best. A projector and a tickle may work. It's just about trying different things.

Original poster

Mella91 · 30/09/2020 14:34

@doadeer Hii, I just saw this. I don't think I am judgemental to be honest (or I haven't noticed) - I'm just very into healthy eating and DS is into the plan. As for TV - Yes we don't let him watch anything. I thought we can start at age 2.

I don't think I am judgemental though - yes we choose to stick to healthy eating and no TV but I have no issues with what other people feed their baby or what they let their baby watch :)

Each to there own.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mella91 · 30/09/2020 14:36

We are on 1 nap a day now, and today we had the same issue. Thankfully I was calm this time round. Gave him lots of cuddles but after 2 hours I gave up.

Do you think its time to give up napping during the day completely???

OP posts:

user19990 · 30/09/2020 14:41

Absolutely give up the naps!!

And let him watch some tv instead so you can rest

doadeer · 30/09/2020 14:42

[quote Mella91]@doadeer Hii, I just saw this. I don't think I am judgemental to be honest (or I haven't noticed) - I'm just very into healthy eating and DS is into the plan. As for TV - Yes we don't let him watch anything. I thought we can start at age 2.

I don't think I am judgemental though - yes we choose to stick to healthy eating and no TV but I have no issues with what other people feed their baby or what they let their baby watch :)

Each to there own.[/quote]
That isn't what I meant. Perhaps critical of yourself would be a better term. I was just trying to say that it felt you needed to justify why you're a good mum by mentioning these details (no TV and no sugar) - but I was trying to say you don't need to do that. You are a good mum.

NewMum0305 · 30/09/2020 15:39

My 18m old went the whole day without a nap recently for the first time - didn’t even seem tired. Took her on a drive and she just chatted the whole time. She’s now back to one nap a day - I’ve read that nap refusal is really common around this age but it doesn’t mean that they are ready to give up the nap all together.

I would suggest giving yourself a reasonable time period of trying to put your little one down and if they re still awake, give up and try again the next day.

If no luck for 2 weeks, and the lack of naps isn’t seeming to cause an issue, maybe it is the nap being dropped a bit early x

NewMum0305 · 30/09/2020 15:42

Oh and on the losing your cool bit, you are not alone - dealing with toddlers can be so frustrating. You did the right thing taking a step back and calling your DD.

Cut yourself some slack, we’ve all been there x

Flip