Any other FTMs with newborns?

[Ellax]

Hello, I’m a FTM to a beautiful 2 week old boy. I love him so much but gosh I was not prepared for how tough this was going to be.

The birth was pretty traumatic and I’m still recovering so that coupled with non stop feeding changing etc is really overwhelming. Also didn’t expect breastfeeding to be so complicated/painful/tricky. Some days I feel on top of it, some days, like today, I’m really struggling.

I think the whole coronavirus situation he has made it a lot more tough as there isn’t a way of interacting with new mum’s at baby groups etc so it feels like I’m in this alone.

Anyone else with a newborn? If so, how are you finding it?

Im trying to enjoy this time as much as possible as I know it won’t last but my god am I looking forward to them being older and having more sleep. X

Hey, FTM here with a 3 week old baby boy. First of all, congratulations! I totally know how you feel about the overwhelming eat, sleep, change, repeat, it can be exhausting! I also had a really traumatic birth & although I feel better physically (not 100% mind you), I think I’m not mentally over it. It’s such a minefield dealing with a newborn & all the things you need to think of, but as soon as I look at his face it makes it all worth it 💙

My DS is 3mo now but I could have written your post at 2 weeks. It was a huge shock for me too! I expected him to sleep loads but he just seemed to feed all the time.

Your attitude that it gets easier and to try to enjoy each stage is totally right. Once I realised this it was much easier to handle the newborn phase. DS isn’t a good sleeper still (sorry!) but he’s an absolute delight during the day. He smiles and giggles and can entertain himself for quite a while now. Feeding only takes him 5mins. After waiting for this time to come I’m now worried that time is going too quickly!

Not got a newborn, but a 7 month old, so lockdown baby essentially. Just wanted to say those early weeks were relentless and seemed never ending but they do change so quick and it does improve once you're out of the feed, change, sleep repeat cycle. Each month it got easier I thought, and believe me, at the start all I hoped for was 4 hours unbroken sleep! Also, if you're up for it, do take a look at baby groups as we have quite a few running locally now, with some very little babies coming along. Even if they sleep through it, you get out the house!

i have a 7 week old. I'm not sure which of us has cried more today!

I've got a 16w old. He's not my first so I should have known whet I was in for. It was still brutal! But it goes fast and gets better as you say. Just hang in there. La leche league is amazing if bf is tricky - they're running zoom sessions. Congrats on your new baby!

DS is 10 weeks, and I have moments of pure joy when he laughs and moments of sheer desperation (recent huge engorgement due to milk blister was one ). But I can’t believe it’s been over 2 months since he was a newborn - it’s true that the days drag but the months race!

FTM here too, our daughter is 5 weeks on Wednesday . I’m suffering from PND, I’m miserable . My DH is struggling due to my mood, baby has been diagnosed with GERD and I spent 4 days in hospital with her last week . It’s been absolutely shocking and I was not ready for this even though she was very much planned . So lonely .

God yes. FTM to 5.5 week old and i’ll be honest i’m not enjoying it. I say that and feel so lucky we have her, she was a miracle baby but fuck me its hard. So hard. Harder than i imagined. I feel like all she does is cry, eat and shit. I’m shattered and miserable. I miss my “old” life - i love my career and missing working. I miss my independence.
I know i shouldn't moan but fuck...the tunnel seems very dark at the mo

FTM with a 6 week old and I also could have written your post although I do feel in the last week things are improving and I feel a lot more bonded with the baby. My partner was great when I was pregnant but since labour (also traumatic) he has been no help and I've lost count of how many times I've cried and can't work out whether I'm justified or just my hormones. You're definitely not alone!

Hello, I’m mum to a 10 week old IVF DD who was a premmie born at 33 and a half weeks, I needed a cervical cerclage and was on bedrest for 10 weeks as I lost my DS at 17 weeks gestation because of cervical incompetence 2 years ago. DD spent the first 4 weeks of her life in the high dependency unit and special care nursery. I didn’t realise how constant looking after her would be! I struggle with doubting myself and whether I’m doing the right things and feeling guilty about sometimes feeling that I made a mistake about having her or frustrated when she won’t settle. I have moderately severe depression and sleep deprivation is one of my triggers for relapse so that’s a concern. I wouldn’t be able to cope if it weren’t for my amazing DH who takes over looking after her when he gets home from work and on his days off to give me a break, my DP who live 5min away and are super supportive, and my DB and DSIL who look after her when we have family meals. Everyone is on the lookout for my mental health. I know I am very lucky.

Sorry to hear others are having a rough time - though it’s a relief that I’m not the only one struggling.

Baby was born a week early and on the small side and has jaundice so I’ve had to wake him up a few times at the 2.5 hour mark to feed him even though there’s nothing I wouldn’t give for that extra bit of sleep. Some days abs nights he cluster feeds for 4-6 hours at a time and now I just try to embrace it and go with it and get comfy but a part of me wants to scream.

Jaundice is only mild but if it’s not gone by tomorrow he’ll have to go to hospital for a blood test which I’m really dreading. Tried to leave the house today after I fed him but suddenly once he was in the sling he was head butting me for a feed do turned around and came home.

They say getting out the house once a day makes things better but even just trying to get to community midwife appointment on time is a struggle.

Hoping things will get a little easier at the 6 week mark.

Love my little boy and wanted him so so badly - basically coerced my husband at the time to have a baby (he wanted to wait) but just didn’t think I’d be having such a rough time. I thought every moment would be magical but it’s really tough and at times I’m finding it really claustrophobic

Once u could stop waking my little one for night feeds I got better sleep. She still wakes every 2.5-3h for feeds but before I wouldn't sleep properly because I was clock watching to make sure I didn't miss a feed.

Now she's a bit older I have started expressing so on a Saturday and Sunday morning my partner can give her a bottle and I can get an extra few hours of sleep. We started around the 4 week mark on advice from the midwife, my partner had the week off and his parents came to visit between them they covered the morning feeds and sleepy cuddles (I have a velcro baby who at the time only slept on me). The week of better sleep made a big difference.

I've given up with the idea of getting out of the house each day. It was too much for me, I'm heading towards pnd and find I need to balance active days with quiet days. We went on a few walks over the weekend as a family today I'm running on empty so we have had a day at home. We have also had an afternoon of purple crying leaving the house would be too stressful so I've not put pressure on myself to do so. I will try tomorrow though.

Feeding on demand is tough, she will go 2.5-3h overnight usually from 8 til 8ish but during the day she feeds every 30-90 minutes. It's difficult to get things done especially as she wakes about 90 seconds after I've put her down. We have a bf pillow which I carry around the house with me and put her on the floor on it next to me so I can do small jobs like putting the washing on or making lunch.

You are only 2 weeks in, 2 weeks in at any new activity is challenging nevermind when it is constantly changing! You will find little tips and tricks that help you manage an existence around your newborn.

@Ellax we HD that blood test. It wasn't so bad. I fed ds3 whilst it was happening and he squeeles a bit then went on eating. Hope all ok and the jaundice clears.

Thanks @Tickly, just got back from midwife appointment and she says it’s almost cleared up so no hospital referral needed which is one less thing to worry about 🙂

Great! Nice work to you - all the milk has done its job.

I have a 7 week old and have definitely felt the same. Week 6 was a huge improvement but now on week 7 and he has a cold so I have been up basically all night for the last few nights it is so tough. I have barely been out as it is so hard to just get ready, get him ready get our stuff ready then normally the minute I leave he wants a feed etc! Add the worsening weather and COVID it’s hard to not feel tied to the house - more conversation should definitely be made about the hard first few months of being a mum!

Hey everyone, this is a bit embarrassing but thought this was the best place to ask since you are all new mums!

Warning TMI*

I’m a first time mum & had my baby 3 weeks ago. I had a pretty traumatic birth, episiotomy, forceps then a post partum haemorrhage! Now I feel pretty healed “down there”, apart from feeling like I’m constantly leaking from my urethra & with a pressure like pain. I initially thought this may be an infection but I think it might be urine, although I’m able to hold in a pee when I really need it so unsure why I would be randomly leaking throughout the day? If I had stress incontinence or lack of bladder control I wouldn’t be able to hold in a pee either would I?

Has anyone else got any experience with this?

Hey @Newmama29,

Have you tried doing your pelvic floor exercises? I had to have stitches after birth and midwife who checked out the stitches a few days later said doing the exercises frequently during the first few weeks makes a big difference in strengthen everything and bringing it all back together ? I explained that I had a really strong pressure like pain after walking for a bit.

Not sure if that’s any help, but I would definitely get midwife to have a look. Hopefully someone else with more experience will have some more helpful advice! X

@Ellax yeah I’m doing them everyday. It’s strange cause if I need a pee I can hold it so not sure why the leakage other than that I’m now discharged from the midwife but will bring it up with my GP at my 6 week post natal check! Thank you xx

Thank God. I get the feeling your not supposed to say how hard it is. My much wanted ivf DS is 6 weeks and there were days when he broke my spirit. Thank God for the smiles.

I want to enjoy every inch of him and at the same time can't wait til he's a bit more independent, I want to enjoy the snuggles and put him down, I want to gaze at him and I desperately need to close my eyes and sleep. I want him to be a baby forever and I want him to talk to me to tell me.whatbhe wants, because sometimes I can't figure it out. I often think he just doesn't like me....

I don’t have a newborn anymore, but a 5.5 month old, born in April, so at the height of the pandemic. I found the first ten weeks so so hard - think I cried everyday. I read so many threads on here promising it would get better and didn’t believe it. However, I promise it does!! Since he’s started smiling and then giggling it’s far more rewarding, and he’ll now play independently for 30 mins at a time. Sorry for hijacking the thread, but I just wanted to promise that it does get better - from someone who has been there very recently.

@101dalmatians you made my day