Is my 7 year old son too old to co-sleep with me?

[Nomoreporridge]

My son ends up sleeping in my bed most nights. He can and does sleep in his own bed, but over lockdown, he has just been going straight to my bed at nighttime.

I personally don’t mind- he divides his time between me and his dad, so it’s not every night. If I’m honest, I also love the cuddles.

However, my boyfriend ( who doesn’t live with us and doesn’t have kids) says it weird and says he’s far too old to be sleeping with his mum. ( my partner never stays over when my son is home.)

It’s probably quite an easy thing to fix. He sleeps in his own room when told, but I’m reluctant to ban him coming into my bed when I’m not convinced it’s a problem.

Is this weird? Should I get my son to sleep in his own bed at this age?

DS2 still got in my bed most nights at that age. If it works for you then its fine imo.

I think it's lovely he still wants a cuddle with you, let him decide when it's ready to stop. The reality is he will probably outgrow it very soon. Our children's whole worlds have changed this year, if this is what he gets comfort from then let him have that. You must have a lovely relationship with him.

I don't think it's a big deal unless it's impacting either of you negatively. I'd imagine lots of children that age still come into mum or dad's bed when they are upset or wake in the night. If you wanted to change it, you could have him start in his bed but also say he can come to you if he wakes? But don't worry about it.

Its unusual, but not weird at all imo. My two have both co-slept with me at different times when they needed me closer for some reason. They both took themselves back to their own rooms when they no longer needed that support. I would avoid discussing it with your bf or just tell him that your parenting style is child led and it’s not up for further discussion.

This is an impossible question to answer really, people's opinions vary on cosleeping so much and are often influenced by the nature of the children in question. To me, it isn't weird exactly, but it's not a good thing for the child to rely on and I would not encourage it on a daily basis. Others fully subscribe to what they believe to be the benefits. It's just a matter of opinion and what works for your child.

In what tone did your boyfriend say this to you? Was he being controlling/pushy or just sharing his opinion in general conversation?

I think when my ds was 7 I’d have been tempted to be swayed by the argument your boyf has put forward

BUT.... when my ds was 7 I was on my own. He was injured at 8 and until he was well enough to climb into his bed he bunked in with me. We both needed it at that point. He’d sneak in on and off for a few years here and there and as I was on my own until he was 10 it wasn’t a problem. Then I met my oh and by then ds was a tween. That’s a different ballgame

My advice to you would be this:

Time goes so fast, in a blink of an eye he’ll be enormous smelly and hairy and you won’t be able to snuggle with him again. You will miss this. You’ll miss it like mad but there’s nothing you can do about it.

My ds is enormous and now 14. I’d cuddle him and snuggle with him if I could, but I can’t.

Your boyf needs to wind his neck in tbh, your ds isn’t even there when he stays, and he’s not a live in (and I’d keep it that way for a good long while tbh) and he doesn’t get to tell you how to be a parent, how to live in your own home or how to behave when it comes to your son.

So if you don’t fancy the confrontation, just make like the Madagascar Penguins and smile and wave.

Enjoy your snuggles.

My eight year old son is the same, OP. I don't think it's weird, I've spoken to many friends who've said that their kids did the same. DS had just about got to the point where he point where he only rarely crept into my bed. Then lockdown happened and he started clambering in more and more often again.

It's only natural during times of worry, uncertainty and loss of usual routine for children to revert a bit for comfort. I'm glad my DS finds me a comfort (whereas his older brother just finds me mortifying now he's 14). Doesn't inconvenience me in any way, so I've just gone with it. DS has been much better at staying in his own bed since school started again, I think he's been so knackered he isn't waking up like he did during lockdown.

In my opinion there is nothing weird about it, and what would your BF know anyway, he doesn’t even have kids! It only needs to stop when you or your DS want it to.

It's fine. DS us happy, you're happy
It's not uncommon or weird at all.

Maybe only to some bloke who has never had kids & grew up in a more 'strict/old fashioned' household.

If he brings it up again, remind him it's not 1950 & you weren't asking fir his opinion anyway.

Not weird or unusual at all. My DD came into me pretty much every night until she was 10. I had no problem with it at all. She needed comfort, I was happy to give it.

I missed her when she stopped coming in. Ironically she has joined me a couple of times during lockdown - but that's hardly surprising with everything that's going on. It's slightly more difficult now she's 12, but I'd never turn her away. I actually think it's weird when parents happily say they wouldn't entertain it and cheerfully order their kids back to bed. Each to their own.

Boyfriend needs to back off. Nothing to do with him. He's not even there when child is!

I don’t think it’s weird; I think I’m the fairly near future he’d stop but 7 is still young

I would start him off in his own bed instead of going straight to yours.

It’s fine.
And it is none yout boyfriends’ business anyway.

I think let him sleep where he is comfortable. No doubt at some stage he will sleep the full night in his own bed, occasionally getting in with you.

I think it is lovely that when children need comfort they turn to a parent even though they will tell you they love their teddy bear more than you

What is cut off age your boyfriend thinks children shouldn't sleep in the same bed as their parent? At the end of the day your child comes first. His needs come above your boyfriend's needs/rules.

It's very weird and can lead to many internalised mental health problems in the future, you are the parent and it's your job to put clear boundaries in place from a young age. While it is "cute" and you may want cuddles, it is not good for his development. The lack of this understanding from other parents is very worrying.

No - the lack of your understanding is the worrying part. Honestly have a word with yourself.

What kind of guy did your boyfriend turn out to be?

Great answer.