Sleep training

[CharlotteLiza]

Just wondering if anyone has had any success with ‘gentle sleep training’ ie no crying it out/controlled crying.
And if so....how did you do it?!

Thanks

Probably not what you want to hear, but we were just too fucking tired to make it work. We tried the whole disappearing chair, shhhpat, pick up put down, but after the first week were on our knees. Did CC, took one night, 11 hours straight ever since.

I'd only do "gentle" sleep training if you've got the energy, patience and stamina to be at it for weeks.

I don't know why people are so scared of their baby having a little cry before sleep. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Rubyroost

I don't know why people are so scared of their baby having a little cry before sleep. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Haaaa i think this alllll the time on here! Women who haven't slept longer than 3hr stretches in years saying "CC isn't for me" - babe, WHY NOT?

I couldn’t agree more. What’s worse - a baby who doesn’t sleep enough, is constantly tired so cries a lot all day, etc. Vs a couple of night of CC resulting in a chilled happy rested baby who cries less as a result?

Ah but then you don't get your mummy martyrdom badge!

I supposed we did a version of CC, except its more controlled whining/moaning, but then DS very rarely actually cries, but does moan A LOT. He sleeps well in his own cot and will be put down awake and take himself off to sleep. Hes 6 months if that makes a difference.

Theres nothing wrong with CC, as long as you're not letting them sob themselves to sleep.

I'm doing gentle sleep training. It takes aaaaaages but she's now sleeping through more often than not. You need a lot of patience but I could never have done controlled crying so was the best option for us

@ShinyGreenElephant out of interest, why not?

Sorry OP nope- many of the parents that try it say “yes and the “baby” naturally slept through from 4*...as if that’s success.

Not an advocate of cry it out but cc with a max 10min interval worked a treat

@Ohalrightthen I just cant bear the idea of her crying for me and realising I'm not going to come. Partly for my own mental health, partly because I worry about the effect on her. I've read a lot about the harmful effects of cortisol and possible links to anxiety and although its far from proven that cc can cause long term harm, its not a risk I would choose to take.

I've been very lucky that I haven't gone back to work yet since having my youngest - I may have felt differently if I had long hours in work to contend with but I think if I ever did controlled crying it would have been through desperation rather than something I chose. I dont judge anyone who does at all - lots of my friends swear by it - but its not for me.

[quote ShinyGreenElephant]@Ohalrightthen I just cant bear the idea of her crying for me and realising I'm not going to come. Partly for my own mental health, partly because I worry about the effect on her. I've read a lot about the harmful effects of cortisol and possible links to anxiety and although its far from proven that cc can cause long term harm, its not a risk I would choose to take.

I've been very lucky that I haven't gone back to work yet since having my youngest - I may have felt differently if I had long hours in work to contend with but I think if I ever did controlled crying it would have been through desperation rather than something I chose. I dont judge anyone who does at all - lots of my friends swear by it - but its not for me.[/quote]
But you do come back, that's the whole point. My thinking was, she hurt her hand once on the hot pipe of the radiator and didn't remember that enough for it to stop her reaching for it 10 minutes later, and every bathtime since, so it's highly unlikely she'd remember one night of crying.

I think i was rather desensitized to the crying, anyway. She cried constantly for the first eight months, so at that point I'd given up worrying about cortisol and stress. It took 70 minutes, one night, so tbh i think the harm is minimal, and the benefit HUGE. She was a completely different child as soon as she was getting enough sleep.

I used a sleep consultant and one of the tools I used was cot rocking. Stick a book under 1 leg of the cot, keep the room completely dark, and rock while they're crying. When they strip crying stop rocking. Sneak out when they're asleep. Once they realise that's the best they're gonna get, they give in and sleep. Worked in my case anyway.

My son would take 3 hours to go to sleep every night then wake repeatedly. When I sat on the laminate floor with my hand through the bars in the dark (with bulging back discs and a wrecked pelvis) for hours at a time he would still cry.

On Christmas eve before he turned one in Jan we decided enough was enough and with the help of a sleep consultant we did CC. Going back 3 mins, 3 mins, 5 mins, 8 mins 10 mins. It took 3 nights. Since then he has been a wonderful sleeper.

He was crying out of frustration at not being asleep. If we hadn't done this, 12 months on I'd still be sitting on the floor in the dark. We never have upset at night now, he is happy getting into his cot and chatters on when he wakes up. It was the best thing for us.

I do find many of the people critical about CC don't always understand it (in real life too, I've had plenty friends say things about it) or don't mention that long term impact of your child not sleeping. You end up with a lot more tears in the long run often.

@Ohalrightthen that sounds really hard and I think I would feel differently in your situation. Both my girls have been very, very chilled babies who rarely cried, my oldest started sleeping through at 9m and by the time I realised that was not going to happen with my youngest she was 18m old and had been partly cosleeping and breastfeeding through the night for so long it just seemed incredibly harsh to suddenly pull the rug from under her. Were now 6 weeks into me lying with her until she sleeps - it still takes half an hour but she usually sleeps through in her own bed, maybe once a week I have to go in for a cuddle / drink of water / trip to the toilet. There have been minimal tears and minimal stress but it was farrrrrr from a quick fix - at the start I had two weeks of almost no sleep and it was awful, but it has worked.

I did gentle sleep training; a mixture of shush pat and gradual retreat with DD at 9 months and it took about 10 days. I’ve tried the same with DS at 6 months and it just doesn’t work; I’ve not been able to reduce the time I’m doing it at all so if I do it then I reckon I’ll have to do a controlled crying approach