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Is it normal for them to be great for grandparents, but terrors for you?

5 replies

Anewmum2018 · 25/09/2020 17:27

Hoping this is normal but it’s starting to get me down! My 23mo goes to his grandparents a day a week when I’m working, and sometimes overnights. He is SO delightful for them, as they keep telling me- happy, fun, and does what they ask. With us it’s a different story- we get tantrums, strops, head banging- all the usual two year old stuff. But what gets me down is that I’m almost not believed by outsiders! He is a really chilled out kid when we’re elsewhere, and I’m starting to feel like a crap mum. I feel crap because he won’t behave for me, and also because if he’s this ‘easy’ child that everyone tells me he is, why am I finding it so hard?!

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JohnLapsleyParlabane · 25/09/2020 17:32

Yes though it does sound extreme in your case. Firstly you're their safe space so can let rip with you. Secondly, it's exhausting being well behaved and following rules so by the time they're back in their safe space they're ready to flip.

Ohalrightthen · 25/09/2020 17:33

Believe it or not, this is a really good sign in terms of your relationship with him.

You're his safe person. He can be as angry or sad or frustrated as he likes with you, he can feel all his feelings at 192839% if he wants to, because he knows in his bones you'll love him anyway. He's on his best behaviour with other people, because he's nowhere near as sure of himself around them as he is with you.

The fact that he's a terror for you and a treasure for them just means that you're doing an incredible job of loving him, and making him feel secure.

Anewmum2018 · 25/09/2020 17:49

Ah thanks, think I’m just a little over sensitive to the ‘easy’ child type comments. It’s all I ever got told when he was a baby, and hardly ever cried- I was suffering from bad PND, and just made me feel worse that I wasn’t coping!
He’s definitely not difficult kid by any stretch, just pretty normal with us I guess, but really turns on the charm outside home. Really glad to hear that there’s a positive explanation!

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Bernardstolemywatch · 25/09/2020 17:52

Yes! My dd is a dream for everyone. When I say to people ‘oh gosh we had a mega tantrum’ or ‘she’s been an absolute nightmare this morning’
I get told they don’t believe it and wouldn’t expect it from dd.
But, I’d rather she was on her best behaviour with everyone else.
Apparently me and my sisters were the same as kids.

MillieEpple · 25/09/2020 18:00

All the above. Plus Grandparents lie too (eg have another biscuit as what mummy doesnt know wont hurt her)

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