Toddler routine question

[OhToBeASeahorse]

DS is 2. Has always happily gone off for a bath and bedtime with daddy which has meant I can wash up etc. But last few months he has nor wanted to do that, I've had to be there and even then there are usually tears during it. We always do it together which I think makes it a bit more manic but we want to keep DH involved, especially as I am due DC2 in 3 weeks.

So usual routine is:
5pm dinner (same the childminders)
5.30-6 - Hey Duggee (only tv of the day)
6-6.15 chill out with toys and milk
6.15-6.30 - bath and teeth clean
6.30-6.45 - in bedroom, quiet book, then bed

But he has started getting upset about the bath, then he is desperate to get out, wont clean his teeth and then is screaming by the time we get to his bedroom. Calms down once he has his dummy.
Happy to skip it some.od.the time.especially as he has eczema but how the hell do I I strip wash a toddler? Do I need to do that if I skip the bath?!

I dont bath my 22 month old every day. When I started it at about 2 months, she screamed the house down. She hated baths. So we just dont include it in the daily routine. She gets a bath every 3 days, or obviously if she gets dirty, or gets food or paint in her (very long) hair. Other than that she just washes her hands and I wash her face down after every meal anyway. I just found baths every day an unnecessary faff.

We just do dinner at about 5:30, milk and tv, reading books or playing, then up to do teeth at 7pm, into pjs, then read a bedtime book in her toddler bed, then down to sleep by 7:15.

Thanks. I just miss happy bedtimes. I did it alone last night and he was fine although he was keen to get out the bath quite quickly.

I don't want to exclude DH, and that time is useful for one of us to be doing something else

Can you switch to a gentle shower? Dd much prefers a shower to a bath when she’s knackered and wants to get to bed.

Try switching up the routine entirely. Bath in the morning and pjs and a story at night? Sometimes what we like doing isn’t always best for the small people!

That's worth a thought, thanks. Mornings can be quite tight - we are out by 7.15 for the childminder, but worth a thought.

I'd ditch the TV just before bedtime, maybe have it at 5 and dinner afterwards. DD doesn't watch much TV so I really notice any effect on her behaviour and it does affect her so she doesn't watch TV after around 4pm as it's best if she has the chance to have a run around after it. Half an hour of Hey Duggee which is quite a lively program seems a lot at 2y.

Does he still nap? If not, I'd bring bedtime half an hour earlier to ensure he's not overtired by the time you're doing the bedtime routine.

We do roughly:

5:30pm dinner
6pm bath
6:15pm stories
6:30 I leave DD looking at a couple of books

The evenings it all goes wrong are when she's really tired.

I think this is just one of those things that happens. They go through phases of preferring one of you to the other, not liking certain things, etc. You just plow through and it isn't pleasant, but you have to get it done.

The only thing I can think of is maybe switching quiet time and milk to after the bath. If he's truly tired enough to go to sleep by 6:45/7, then it might be he's too tired for a bath just before. I would get the bath done first, then quiet time with milk (you can brush teeth when he's finished).

We come straight upstairs after dinner for a bath, and though that's not til later (my 2 year old doesn't go to sleep until between 8-9pm), I think if I let him have quiet time and milk, he would start winding down and being really cranky about getting in the bath after. Otherwise, honestly, it just might be one of those phases and it will eventually pass. I'd certainly say with a 2 year old and a 7 year old, bathtime is not a nice relaxing time in our house. Someone is always grumpy and tired, but you have to get those things done, so we do.

Agree with PP, I'd look at switching it round a bit. We do a slightly later dinner but have TV beforehand and then go straight to bath (so 5pm TV, 5.30 dinner, 6pm bath). Mine would be pretty distraught if I stopped her playing to put her in the bath.

Hm that's interesting re bath time earlier then milk, maybe he is getting annoyed that I'm stopping him from playing.

The other issue is that he goes to the childminders three times a week and he eats there at 5 and we get in at 6 which doesnt give us much time...

It’s probably just a passing phase. My son is 30 months and has been through some phases like this where I would think “Oh no how am I ever going to change this?!” It is probably to do with the arrival of the new baby. (We have a little girl who is now 1). Can your partner do the washing up while you focus on your son just to give him some extra attention before the baby comes? I know you don’t want to exclude your partner but it’s only temporary until things settle down. There are other ways he can be involved.

Honestly OP it’s a phase- he’s become wilful that’s all. I found the hey duggee teeth cleaning song helped and we switched to mainly evening showers than baths- but pretty soon my daughter was calm again in the bath.
Your routine sounds fine so I wouldn’t change it

No advice but just wanted to say I'm in total awe of you regarding the half hour of tv a day! My ds watches way more than that! Well done op

Btw with our 2 year old it's bath night mon, weds and fri (Friday is hair wash night) and on the other 4 nights we top and tail him. Lie him on the changing mat in his room with a top and tail bowl and a couple of flannels and just give him a quick wash, using soap for his hands and sometimes feet. Takes 5 mins.

Ah thank you @firstimemamma - I'm also in awe of you getting a 2 year old to lie still for 5 minutes!!!

I would stop TV a few hours before bedtime.
They don't need a bath every night.

Our routine it
Tea 16.00 - 16.30

Play 16.30 - 17.30

Teeth PJs 17.30
Book, supper downstairs until 18.00

Teeth, bed and book 18.00

But he's 3 and hasn't balled since 2.5

Our routine was the same as yours though minus TV and bath everything, They are so little and just trying to work it all out still, it's just a phase, go with it, take out TV and bath every night and just accept he's just going through a phase and be there for whatever you can that he needs to feel secure and happy.

We’ve recently introduced “tickle showers”. He still stands in the bath and we use the handheld shower head (rather than putting him in the shower cubicle). He thinks it’s hilarious, plus it’s all done in 5 minutes if we’re running late for bed.

More helpful ideas thanks.

It is an awful thing to admit but I have realised I have no parental instinct. I never have done. From worrying myself sick about naps when he was tiny to what kind of coats he needs for the winter to when u should be changing his vest... I am literally clueless. Everyone thinks I'm terribly together but I'm not, I'm a ball of self doubting clueless anxiety.

In a way its relieving to see that.

Btw we do tv before bed, we do:
Dinner
Bath
Books
Milk with iPad
Teeth
Bed

Honestly tv isn’t the devil- it’s not the reason your 2yr old is battling with you.

Oh and as for not knowing what you are doing, errr 80% of what I do is from MN advice

I've got nothing really beneficial to add except to say that we have similar with my 2 year old. Mostly when she is overtired after nursery. Bedtime routine can be very tearfilled and stressful.
Also I'm the same with the anxiety, panicking over naps, food, health etc - Googling stuff constantly. You're doing amazing and just remember it's allllll a phase.

@OhToBeASeahorse that made me smile, thanks! Runs around the rest of the time bless him!

We don't wash every day. I don't think toddlers need a strip wash as they don't produce BO yet. Their bums get washed/cleaned if they are in nappies still throughout the day. We give him a bath after a few days as he gets grubby. Or if he's rubbed something in his hair. But not every day.

Offer him showers. Switch it up x