How do you get over losing a parent when you're a parent

[WezWally]

My baby boy is 14 weeks old and I'm really struggling. I lost my mum VERY suddenly at 16 years old. I'm now 28 so it's been a while, but I feel like the grief is having a second hit at me.
I have a great relationship with my in-laws and family but all of a sudden I realised how bloody sad it is.
Only recently I feel so sad when he's with my MIL because I see the things my mum missed out on and I'm feeling so desperately upset about this. I don't really know why I'm writing this but I need to let it out. I've always coped pretty well with everything but the last few weeks just remind me that my baby will never meet her.
I know all I can do is try and keep the memory of her alive with 'our' songs, music and traditions etc.
It's just so hard.

I just feel so sad that my baby has missed out on a wonderful grand parent I guess.

I really feel for you OP, losing a parent is really tough and when you become a parent it makes you think more about your parents and see them in a different light.

Hope someone will be along with some good advice soon but virtual hugs, it sounds really hard 💐

Grief is a funny thing and crops up unexpectedly all the time. You lost your mum at such a young age - it must have been very hard.

My dad died suddenly a few years ago, before I had my daughter. It does feel strange that he will never meet her. A friend of mine who lost both parents as a teenager reminded me that just because he's dead doesn't mean he stops being my dad. My child can still have a relationship with him through me. I will talk about him and show photos so he will be part of her life.

But yes, it is hard sometimes. You just have to let yourself feel, whatever the emotion, and keep talking.

Sending

Aww OP what a sad situation you are in. But you are right in your plans to keep your Mum's memory alive by honouring your traditions etc and also talk about her. Tell your DC that he has another DGP that isn’t here anymore but would have loved him so much.

I totally agree with what you’ve said about being in the situation and realising how sad it is. Allow yourself to feel the waves of grief when they come (because they will) but know that you are including her in your life as best you can.

Hugs to you

I totally get it OP. I lost my mum 10yrs ago and having a baby has made me miss her more than ever and I feel so sad about what she is missing out on. She would have been such an amazing grandmother. It's really hard. Having a baby is a time when you need your mum around. To show you how things are done and tell you you're doing OK. It sucks and it hurts so much.

As others have said above, I plan to show my child pictures and keep her memory alive. Carry on with little traditions we did as a family etc.

Sending you hugs x I dont think you ever get over losing a parent or someone close to you, and times like this really brings that grief up to the surface. It will settle again. Don't bottle it up, cry if you feel like it, and talk about it.

I feel sad about this too, although my mum died when I was 36. I had my children at 39 and 41. I told my Mum I was never having kids and she was happy that was my decision. She would have loved them so much though. It's so sad that they miss out on her and that she missed out on them. It's sad that I'm missing out on her. I don't think you get over it.

It’s so hard and difficult I have three children one 10 years and twins 3 years I lost my dad 6 months after my married so he didn’t see any of my children but I’m lucky that’s my mum she was a life when I give a birth for my first son she was so happy on that time but sadly after 2 years my mum passed away that is a big loos I missing her a lot when I give a birth to my twins I felt like I missing her more I fell I need her and lots of emotions I’m 38 now I feel I’m still young to loos my parents still I feel I need there advise and share with them the parenting life .

Just wanted to say I know exactly how hard it is and I'm so sorry you are going through it OP. I lost my Mum when I was 22 and now I'm 26 with a 10 month old and I felt like it all became fresh again after I had him. I kept thinking how much she would love him, how she would always be around at ours and I have SO many more questions now I'm a parent that I never got to ask. We have a framed picture on the wall up our stairs and my little boy reaches for it whenever we pass (he loves to touch everything) but I tell him about her whenever we pass it so he will always know about her. I think it will always be bittersweet when you have good things happen in life after losing a loved one. ❤

Thanks for the replies everyone. Had a good cry which always makes me feel better!! I don't know anyone else in this position so sometimes I feel a little hard done by in a sense so it makes me feel a bit more normal to read your replies.
I'm going to get some photos out and have them around the house. 😊