Organising 'me' time

[ukdad1980]

How much 'me time' do you have give yourselfeach week?
How do you organise it with your family?

I want to organise with my partner a schedule for when each of us can have time for ourselves. I would really like us to have a couple of hours a week where each parent could get out the house, an hour to do exercise (I used to swim) and of a weekend be able to make plans to see people either as a family or with the child (5months old).

I'm interested to know how people here schedule their time and what they feel works for them/is reasonable for the family.
Thanks

I’m going to start having a morning a week when my eldest is at school and baby in nursery. I know some couples take it in turns at the weekend.

Pre-covid I had eight hours every two weeks, when my ex spent time with ds. Plus an hour for parkrun most Saturdays. I would go shopping, get my hair cut, have coffee with a friend.

Now it's just the eight hours.

Currently I have 2 hours for a yoga class on a Thursday evening.
Once new baby is born and I’m feeling ready I’ll be heading to the gym x2 a week as DP will be working from home for the foreseeable.
If I want my hair/nails/coffee/anything else doing we just have a chat and arrange a time together that works for both of us.
DP runs x3 weekly during his lunch break and will go to the pub once a fortnight or so.
We try and keep it flexible.

We each play a (different) sport one evening a week and pre Covid would go to the pub after. Each run twice a week but only generally for half an hour or so. Less at the moment but pre Covid we’d also probably see friend(s) in an evening maybe once a week or once a fortnight.

I go and do a sport 3 x a week (2 evenings and one weekend morning). My husband goes to music lessons. We're flexible but will each look after the baby to let the other get out and about.

DH took DC’s out to the local deli for breakfast every Sunday and I had a lie in and joined them for a coffee later. DH played golf Saturday morning. We both went to the gym during the week and took it in turns. We both had trips away with friends - DH, skiing and me spa breaks.

We do shifts at the weekend, so I have childcare duties on Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. The shift swap over is afternoon nap. As soon as she’s asleep the morning shift is free to go.

This arrangement ensures we have regular time off and a proper lie in, but we don’t get much family time. We do bedtimes together everyday though, so we’re together from tea time onwards 7 days a week.

We both work p/t and she goes to nursery 2 days a week, so I actually get Friday afternoon off as well to make up for the extra childcare day in the week.

DH and I are totally committed to equal parenting and we did shared parental leave, but even so I still do more than my share of the mental load and emotional labour. DH recognises that and will make sure he pays me back in little ways, like cleaning the kitchen after tea even if it’s my turn.

I had a three wheeler running pram which rocked baby to sleep while I exercised, I like to multi-task!! You just need to discuss with partner that you both need time out and plan to prioritise important aspects of your lives x

I think it depends on what you want to do. I work, so I'm not home providing all the childcare, though due to the nature of dh and my work I do more of the school runs. But I try to run 2-3 mornings a week. I just tell him, get up and go out the door, he does all the stuff until I get back. I try to plan it so I'm back in time to do the school run or he will do it. Similarly, on weekends, I might do the same, though there is less time pressure on weekends.

Dh and I both make plans to do things we want to do and then just check with the other. On Friday, he's meeting up with a friend. A few weeks ago, I went away for a few nights. We just plan what we want to do and then check with the other that they're not busy that day. It's not often, maybe once every month or so we go out and do something, but that's also because we only really have weekends together anyway as our dc are in school/nursery all week.

As for meeting up with people with dc in tow, I don't really consider that 'me time'. That's just what you do on the weekends. But our friends and family mostly live far away (so it requires them to stay fort the weekend - it's a bit more of a pain and a lot more work and expense to house and feed people for a weekend). We don't do that often. More just when it comes up, we check with the other and decide if it's a good weekend before we confirm anything.

We take alternate evenings so I do my thing (see my horse) mon, wed evening and husband runs on a Tuesday and Thursday. Friday evening we spend together. Also we have one weekend day off each to do what we want. So far it’s working, baby is 9 weeks old

I really appreciate your responses to this. Today is a difficult day for me, so maybe I can shed light on how not to do this: Spending so much time together as a new family (during lockdown) I think has applied an incredible pressure onto us that I think we could have prevented.
I really think the position we're now in could have had the pressure alleviated if we had given ourselves time out.