How to deal with school friendship issues

[Kittythekitty]

My daughter is in year 1 and has moved up with all her friends from reception. She made a close relationship last year with her best friend, but this year said best friend is apparently leaving dd out and making new close friendship. My dd has been coming home really upset since start of school and it breaks my heart. This is the first time we’re dealing with such emotions and I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to her to make things right. I’ve listened and let her let out her emotions and feelings, gently suggested she explores other friends, asked what she thinks she can do when she feels left out (trying to initiate that she plays with other kids) but it seems she’s pretty sad about possibly sharing her best friend :(

I personally absolutely hated school life because of friendship issues so this brings up loads of emotions for me which I’m trying hard not to let show in my responses to dd.

Help and advice much appreciated!!

Speak to her teacher and explain what is happening and let the teacher deal with it in school. That’s not to say all the other things you have been doing is wrong but the teacher will talk to the class about including everyone and will chat to your DD and encourage her to explore other friends. It’s amazing that children are willing to listen to their teacher when they dismiss what their parents say.

That’s horrible for you to see your daughter upset. Unfortunately I think all you can do is tell her that we can’t make anyone play with us and this friend can play with other people if she wants to. Maybe if you know any of the parents from school you could set a few playdates to encourage your daughter to make a big group of friends. If she has plenty of friends she’s less likely to feel so attached to any one person and she’ll always have someone to play with.

We’re lucky that the majority of the class are friends since nursery and all the parents are pretty good friends too. Loads of play dates etc with everyone, including the boys and I’ve tried to encourage dd to also play with the boys so it’s not always girls girls girls. I think she’s most upset that her best friend (who she got to see loads post lockdown during summer) is now playing with other kids which of course is totally okay and she should play with other kids too. It’s just hard trying to get my dd to underhand that we can’t make people play with us and that friendships change and go through cycles.

I will have a gentle work with her class teacher soon, just don’t want to be that parent who thinks the world centres around their child.

Her teacher will definitely want to know that your child is upset when leaving school.

My sons school mantra is thats its ok not to play with someone as long as you're not unkind about it.
I was asked by another parent why my son didn't want to play with theres and it was awkward. It was just a case of him moving on with his friendships during Year 2 as although he had made this initial friendships his tastes had change and he is now closer to boys that are a bit quieter and more thinkers than doers. Its a bit of a pain for me as I had got to know the parents!
Your DD might just need a chat with her teacher to understand her feelings.

Dd came home again today upset about a particular girl who is being unkind to dd as well as not letting her play with her friends. Problem is I am very good friends with the mum, do I gently speak to her mum or speak to teacher privately and let teacher deal with it?

Definitely don't speak to the mum. Speak to the teacher.