Potty training he'll

[YukoandHiro]

I absolutely hate it. Feels like it will never, ever end.

Started EIGHT MONTHS ago. Mostly dry (not at night obviously) but accidents still happen, and poos are a nightmare. Still get soiled pants, but mostly 3-4 hours of on/off potty and toilet freaking out and streaking bottom before it happens. Or it doesn't happen and comes out in the nappy in her sleep.

We lost an opportunity to go dry overnight as we couldn't remove nappies due to night soiling. Now night nappies are sodden again so need to wait for that to be ready.

I've tried everything - star charts, chocolate, incentives, presents, ignoring, praise etc. It's worse, not better, nursery days.

Also point blank refuses to pull up her own knickers and trousers and screams with rage when we try to encourage her to learn.

It doesn't hurt her. She's not constipated. Had all this professionally checked as she has multiple allergies too.

Age now 3y 2m. She will be in reception class at 4y 1m.

I'm not really looking for advice tbh. I've asked before (multiple times) and tried everything. I've spoken to other parents, her allergists, doctors, the health visitors.

Am expecting a new baby in 3 weeks and I am just so fucking over it. I've had endless reserves of patience for this through lockdown and I'm finally reaching the end of it.

Ugh.

And yep, that's what we're doing about practicing and rewards etc. It's just taking a while. I do hope she nails it soon. I'm fed up of scraping crap off tiny knickers

Not to derail the thread but I really have never understood the idea of delaying a summer born baby starting school. imo it really does just put them back even further.

Good luck OP!

My comment wasn't meant to make you feel bad - I don't think you did the wrong thing, just tried the method that lots of kids get on with but it didn't work for your one. Oh Crap is like the bible on some threads, but as you can tell I am slightly sceptical that the main method (find the perfect moment, all done very quickly) suits all and I do wonder about whether it causes extra pressure/expectation. After all, you wouldn't expect a young child to learn to ride a bike in a week and never fall off just because you think from observation that they should be capable of it physically and mentally - great if they do, but simply improving most weeks is often good too!

Most NT kids do realise that sitting in their own filth for any period of time is much less nice than potty or toilet at some point. And once they can relax on the loo or potty and want to go on it rather than in the nappy it is only a matter of time.

Also, my daughter was nappy off and dry at night at 2.3 too, but then wet the bed every other day for a fortnight upon waking. Then never did it again, so probably more about learning to get out of bed and find someone when coming round than anything. We are very glad that we just rode it out rather than assuming that she had gone back to square one and torturing ourselves about trying to find the cause - my DH deserves all the credit for that, as he is far more chilled out than me (probably because he never reads the books!!) and just changed the bed every time and told me that as long as it was just happening in the morning and she wasn't lying in wee all night we should just let her be.

Sorry to hear that you’re going through this OP, I sympathise completely. Been through a similar thing and it’s truly awful.
DS is approaching 3, dry by day for a couple of months and until recently completely
refused to poo anywhere but his pants. Felt we couldn’t go back to nappies due to him being dry by day completely. We were at our wits end until 2 weeks ago my partner tried something that seems to have worked- DS started doing a poo in his pants and we said ‘do you need the potty?’, he did the usual saying ‘no no no’, started to cry etc, so partner grabbed the potty and pulled his pants down and simultaneously managed to roll the poo into the potty behind him (sorry tmi), and we said ‘oh wow you did it!!!’ which made him believe that he’d done it. He cry-laughed in shock and was then proud of himself for ‘doing it himself’. So we literally faked it, and made him believe it was safe/okay to poo in the potty. I’d never heard of anyone doing this but it’s really helped us. Still got some way to go, but he’s now got over the fear.
Really hope the situation improves for you soon x

My DD was a disaster as well and I ended up going back to nappies twice. She was my first child so I felt like I was just doing it epically wrong. 3rd time we attempted it, she just got it. Had a handful of accidents the first week or two and then clean and dry after that. She was 3 yrs and 2 months the last time.
DS decided at 2 yrs 10 months that he didn't want nappies anymore (day or night!!) and got it straight away.
If I could go back to do it again with DD, I'd have been far more chilled with 'failing' and going back to the nappies. I think it was around 5 months all in that the 3 attempts happened.

Oh no, OP. Sorry to read you’ve gone a bit wrong with this, for your sake as well as your daughter’s. Reading all of your interventions has been confusing for me, let alone her. I think toning your approach down for potty training baby number 2 might be the way forward. I just wanted to reassure you that she is likely to take to it when the baby arrives as a means of eliciting positive attention

Thanks @Fast90 - you're probably right. We haven't done all those things at the same time though, obviously! Just changed it up after month or so when one tactic hasn't worked

@YukoandHiro

No advice but you’re not alone. I feel like banging my head off a wall most days with it!

Similar situation with my DS who was 3 in June, cracked the weeing side of thing easy, hasn’t even had any accidents at Pre school but the poo is a whole other story.

He will do anything not to poo, won’t entertain a potty or the toilet to do it so was putting a nappy on him to do It then obviously removing it once pooed, but for the last few weeks he won’t even do it in his nappy regularly. I thought we were making progress last week but we’re back to holding it in currently on day 3. I’ve tried everything and he even takes movical to keep it soft ( been on movical way before even potty training) but he still won’t go and we have hours most days of his running, jogging crying just to stop it.

I’m so frustrated I could cry with it all 😩

Sounds so familiar @Idontwant2 except for the fact that she's not truly constipated, so by the time we get to day 3 she eventually goes - either in the potty, in a nappy overnight or in her knickers - and it's an epic amount of poo (but still soft). But we also have the running around trying to stop it, and trying to go but panicking and getting off the potty or toilet immediately only to continue the dance for the next 3-5 hours until her body can hold it no longer.
For about a week the reward of getting a small plastic dinosaur when she did it in the right place (potty or toilet) meant the holding went away and I thought we'd cracked it , but the incentive has worn off and the avoidance is back.
So fed up! Let me know if anything leads to a break through with you (and I will do vice versa!)

@YukoandHiro

I will definitely come back and update if I do make progress.

Fingers crossed we both crack it soon 🤞🏻