Losing it today :-(

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I have a 9-month old DD - dearly loved, multiple IVF attempts to have her, and she is amazing. But this morning I feel like I'm losing it.

Nothing major happened - DD wouldn't eat any breakfast, kept spraying mouthfuls of food over me, writhing in her chair etc. I have a hundred crappy household tasks to do. I have a KIT day this week that I'm a bit nervous about. But I really shouldn't be feeling this frustrated and kind-of ragey. I just put DD in her playpen so I can step away and hopefully writing this down will be a release of sorts.

I think the biggest thing is lack of support. DH works long hours. My parents live in another country, and DH's parents aren't interested. Friends all have full-time jobs or their own kids to look after.

MIL (although a retired health visitor who professes to love children and know everything about childcare) never offers to visit or invites us over - I always make the effort as I want DD to know and love her grandma, so I invite her round or ask if I can bring DD to see Grandma etc. - and when we went away within the UK for a week on holiday with them, she didn't change so much as one nappy or give one feed. We did ask her to keep an eye on the baby monitor one night after DD went to bed so DH and I could escape for a couple of hours together, and she agreed, but we had to ask three times before we could get a straight yes-or-no answer.

Don't get me wrong - MIL is under no obligation to help us. I realise that. I just don't understand the lack of interest in DD, probably because my own mum can't get enough of DD when we're together; and if she lived nearby I know she'd come round every now and again to give me a break.

I think I feel quite hurt and resentful that I'm pretty much doing this alone, when I thought baby-obsessed MIL would help and support occasionally. But equally, I absolutely understand that she's not obliged to.

UGH. Maybe it's hormones and I'll feel brighter tomorrow

I can completely relate to how you are feeling, it is unremitting and hard work. I feel similar to you regularly. No family nearby, husband who works long hours.
Having a baby is tough, lonely and exhausting. I don’t really have any suggestions other than to say you can get through this, it is just today. Take a deep breath, have a cup of tea / coffee and all will be fine.
Sending you lots of

Thank you, @suziedoozy - I do feel a bit better now, the moment has passed. I think I was panicking a bit because I did actually get a break at the weekend (stayed away overnight) so I thought I would feel relaxed and refreshed this week, but I just don't.

Hopefully lunchtime will be easier and I'll unclench a bit . . . !

I’m glad you are feeling a little better, it might have actually been worse because you had time away and remembered what it is like!
I don’t understand why if I get plenty of sleep, huge amounts of support from DH when is isn’t working including playing for a cleaner etc I find it so difficult.
But I do so that is that!
I hope you have a much better afternoon

It's the bit nobody tells you - with the best will in the world there will be days when they won't even be doing anything particularly terrible but your nerves will be in shreds.

DS is fifteen months now, but at her stage he was chronic for throwing food (and we have carpet in the dining room, god help me), spitting and generally attempting escapes. It was right smack at the start of lockdown, I'd no car, no support and DH was setting up a project in Australia so he was mostly working at night. I sincerely considered running away a few times. I started getting DH to do bedtimes and we trained DSD (she's 17 and well bloody capable) to make lunch instead of asking me what it was mid-nappy-escape.

Tomorrow will be better. Do the survival chores today and let DH know that you need him to step it up tonight. Throw her in the buggy and have a good long walk, especially if you have any green nearby. And if there's a park even better, you might even meet some other parents. I had a little crew of fellow lockdown babywalkers that all nodded and reported nap strategies!

Oh gosh yes - I feel so guilty because DD naps for 3-4 hours during the day, so it's not like it's non-stop! I can't say "I never get a break" because I do

I guess it's just the continual menial household drudgery when they ARE awake. And yes, possibly loneliness/isolation too, but an emotional kind, rather than physical.

That's exactly it, @Amrythings - this morning was not terrible, by any stretch of the imagination, but suddenly the breakfast dramatics just infuriated me. Luckily she's still at the age where she finds my (rare) outbursts quite funny - I said her name loudly and banged her bowl/spoon down on the table. She burst into giggles. Which made me feel like the worst mother in the world.

I know I can't let the frustration show - I don't want it to have a negative impact on her.

Yep, walking is an escape . . . winter raincoat on order

I have a almost nine month old, and an older child too. Even when it’s just the baby and me I find the physical-ness of it all hard - having to carry her round the house, comforting her every time she falls over and cries ( every other minute), cleaning up the mounds of baby sick. And not being able to really do anything except play with her - I tried going for a coffee this morning but that wasn’t relaxing as she woke up and started crying. No family help anymore either and no-one wants to meet up inside thanks to Covid 😕 It’s a hard time to have a baby.

Hi op just re your holiday i think something happens to usually helpful grandparents then too. My Dm is actually a life saver at home but I had to stop having holidays with her as she expected me to wait on her hand & foot (as a thank you for looking after Ds one day per week). No thought about it also being my holiday... it's incredibly tough for you and no easier just because your dd was so wanted xx

Yes, @Debradoyourecall - carrying a nine-month old around is knackering! I only have four "safe spaces" to put her - the playpen, the jumperoo, the bouncer and her cot, but she's wise to those and knows mummy is disappearing for a wee/wolfed-down sandwich/quick menial task and sets about wailing immediately I put her in them

@SusieSusieSoo that's a tough "holiday" . . . although I'm trying to work out if I could bear a week of pain in exchange for a day-a-week childcare . . . I think I probably could, but I'd have to make sure I had ANOTHER week of proper holiday without MIL