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Parenting

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Original poster

Have you got back in contact with NC family before?

7 replies

sharpeidiem · 20/09/2020 19:13

I'm just curious to see if anyone has ever gotten back in contact with parents / family members after going NC and has it ever worked out?

I'm not in this situation myself but unfortunately holding out hope :(

If you have situations where you've tried going back to contact and not managed, please let me know too. Thank you xx

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BruceAndMarley · 22/09/2020 07:03

I had NC with my dad for 10 years and now we are back in touch, if that’s any help? It worked out really well. I’m happy to chat about it . What would you like to know ?

thewinkingprawn · 22/09/2020 07:05

@BruceAndMarley

I had NC with my dad for 10 years and now we are back in touch, if that’s any help? It worked out really well. I’m happy to chat about it . What would you like to know ?

Hope you don’t mind me jumping in but I have been NC with my dad for a few years now. I toy with getting back in touch but not sure how to make the first move. How did you get back in touch? Did you make the first move? And how did you put aside whatever made you NC in first place?

BruceAndMarley · 22/09/2020 08:09

@thewinkingprawn no problem at all , I’m happy to help in any way I can. I made the first move , I didn’t even know where he was living at the time. No idea of his number . Nothing. I tracked him down via a family member and I wrote to him. Turned out he was literally living in the next town. I could’ve called as my Uncle had his number but couldn’t bring myself to and I didn’t hear anything back for a while and then out of nowhere he text me. We spoke a bit and then met up and I had sleepless nights for days up until we met. My brother decided he didn’t want to meet up with him, so it was just me.
During the sleepless nights I decided I wasn’t going to even talk about the reason we went NC. I asked what he’d been up to, where he was working , he had remarried and everything . Ever since then we’ve chatted most days, he came to mine and my husbands wedding which I never thought he would dare show his face at. He’s involved in his first Granddaughters life (my daughter who’s a month old tomorrow), we just put everything aside and I chose to start fresh and I honestly regret nothing x

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thewinkingprawn · 22/09/2020 08:14

[quote BruceAndMarley]@thewinkingprawn no problem at all , I’m happy to help in any way I can. I made the first move , I didn’t even know where he was living at the time. No idea of his number . Nothing. I tracked him down via a family member and I wrote to him. Turned out he was literally living in the next town. I could’ve called as my Uncle had his number but couldn’t bring myself to and I didn’t hear anything back for a while and then out of nowhere he text me. We spoke a bit and then met up and I had sleepless nights for days up until we met. My brother decided he didn’t want to meet up with him, so it was just me.
During the sleepless nights I decided I wasn’t going to even talk about the reason we went NC. I asked what he’d been up to, where he was working , he had remarried and everything . Ever since then we’ve chatted most days, he came to mine and my husbands wedding which I never thought he would dare show his face at. He’s involved in his first Granddaughters life (my daughter who’s a month old tomorrow), we just put everything aside and I chose to start fresh and I honestly regret nothing x[/quote]
Thank you! I think the thing that has been stressing me most is having to dredge over the past to move on so it’s really good to hear that you were able to put that to one side. I’m not really sure what I want out of it tbh aside from he is getting old and there may not be many years left to do it. I have no idea if I would regret doing it or not doing it more!!

BruceAndMarley · 22/09/2020 10:17

@thewinkingprawn I always think you could regret not doing it and it be too late to try, but you can never really regret trying , if that makes sense ?

Carrottop73 · 22/09/2020 10:29

Agree I always think you will regret not trying.

I have a close friend who was no contact with their father for 20 years. When she got back in touch with him, they had to put the past bad blood aside and start a fresh relationship. It will never be the type of relationship they would have had if her father had been around, but it is a good relationship that adds to her life.

Original poster

sharpeidiem · 22/09/2020 14:07

Hi, thanks for everyone who responded!

I went NC with my whole family (partially for abuse reasons) about 6 ish months ago, and so I suppose I feel in the trial period still. I'm quite comfortable not being in contact with them, but I hope to have children soon and I feel a bit guilty they wouldn't have any extended family at all - my husband is also NC with his family but for different reasons. I think something else that adds on is that my maternal grandparents were abusive to my mother (which neither of them admit as it was seen as normal to be violent / abusive in that time period) yet they were genuinely really sweet grandparents to me.

I know kids don't need extended family, and it's a risk for my and my husband's emotional health - so if anyone has any advice advising for or against getting back in contact that would be fab. Thank you!

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