Leaving baby

[changednamealways]

Why are some mums okay with leaving their baby for multiple date nights a week, and I can't bring myself to leave my 4mo ds with his grandparents for even a food shop? I mean I can do it but I hate every second and I'm filled with anxiety until I get him back. I'd love to be like the people I see on social media and maintain my social life and get dressed up all the time, and I could if I wanted, but I don't want to?! It's such a paradox!😂 also with COVID spikes in my area why would i want to put my baby at risk.. am I being ott and is there something wrong with me because I don't want to leave my baby?

It's just different strokes for different fokes I think!

I thought I'd be fine leaving the baby for a break and some chill time with dh, but I'm not actually fussed most of the time. It seems like more hassle than it's worth. But we had him in Dec, so just as we were getting to the stage where we were comfortable leaving him with grandparents for short trips out, lockdown happened. We started leaving him now and then a few weeks ago, but now it looks like another lockdown could be coming so not sure what will happen.

It's a strange time op and everyone is different. As long as you are happy, it's OK. However, I will say that if you want a break, take one and don't feel guilty!

You're not ott - everyone is different! Your baby is still young and has spent more time in your womb than out in the world so please be kind to yourself. I was like you but I've gradually chilled out over time. I remember power walking home from a hair cut because I'd just missed my baby boy so desperately! Now he's 2 and I'm much more relaxed / happy to leave him for a few hours with people I trust. Be patient with yourself and don't compare yourself to others.

Babies are not getting ill from Covid so why are you worrying. You are being neurotic

You'll think differently when it's your 2nd or 3rd or 4th child - you'll be begging someone to take them whilst you go somewhere! 🤣

@changednamealways

Why are some mums okay with leaving their baby for multiple date nights a week, and I can't bring myself to leave my 4mo ds with his grandparents for even a food shop? I mean I can do it but I hate every second and I'm filled with anxiety until I get him back. I'd love to be like the people I see on social media and maintain my social life and get dressed up all the time, and I could if I wanted, but I don't want to?! It's such a paradox!😂 also with COVID spikes in my area why would i want to put my baby at risk.. am I being ott and is there something wrong with me because I don't want to leave my baby?

Honestly I have twins and I welcome a break, I'm not totally sure I miss them until they're back. Every person is different with their kids, I feel bad that I don't miss them like every other mum seems too

@Skyla2005 well they are... you've made me realise I am not being 'neurotic' as there's people like you everywhere

Covid wasn't something I had to deal with.

When it came to leaving baby with their dad, I didn't feel that was any different from him leaving the baby with me- which he had be able to do or we wouldn't have had a roof over our heads. He was so close to both our babies it really didn't feel like it made a difference if it was him or me. By the time my eldest was 4 months I went back to work one day a week and he was the SAHP on that day. Yes, I felt a bit sad, but I am sure nowhere near as sad as he was when he had to go back to work when they were a few days old (no parental leave in those days).

Grandparents, yes, slightly more of a difference, but still very close. My dad was up there changing nappies when I was still struggling to get out of bed (caesarean), so it's not like they didn't have a bond.

Not that I think you should be under any obligation, just that this was how it was for me.

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond ❤️

I was the same tbh. Didn't go anywhere until
She was about 2.

@Mumoftwo1994 like other posters have said everyone is different and I'd much rather be able to take a nice calm break, you will have much better mental health for it and therefore be able to look after your 2 babies better x

Don’t compare yourself to others. Do what you need to. There is no right and wrong, you just need to do what you’re comfortable with and what works with you.

One thing I would say is that you do need to manage your separation nervousness/anxiety as your child gets older and get used to leaving them with others - all the kids I know still crying at the school gates over a week into starting school are the ones whose parents barely let them out of their sights in 4 years

You are not being neurotic re Covid. Babies rarely get ill from it... but parents do! I'd rather not have both myself and my partner fighting off Coronavirus with a little bub to look after!

Everyone is different OP, don't force yourself to do something you're not comfortable with x

@ivfbeenbusy I'm hoping for him to start nursery or Montessori at 9 months so I think that will force me to deal with it 😬 wish me luck haha
@LikeTheOceansWeRise thank you that's a very good point x

If it helps, my baby was born in March and he’s never been left without me or his dad, not even for an hour. You’re not being neurotic - this is just the world we live in sadly.

Everyone is different! My DS is 3 and I’ve never been away from him overnight, DH and I have had 4 nights out since he was born (by nights out I mean we’ve gone out for maybe 2 hours for a meal). I just don’t feel like I need a break from him but I am due DC2 so that may change soon!

So glad I'm not the only one!!

Yes, everyone is different. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaving your baby to go out for the evening, and there’s nothing wrong with not leaving your baby either.

I think as a new mum, you can sometimes feel like nobody will look after your baby like you will/nobody knows them like you do. It’s natural, I think. If you did want to leave him a bit more, could you build it up? Maybe a relative could take him for a walk in the pram then build up to him being with his grandparents for a few hours or something.

I was similar in pre covid times - although I didn't mind leaving him with family for a very short time to go to the shops or for a short walk, but I've still never left in the evening for a night out or anything like that 18 months later (we went for dinner a couple of times but early evening - he got so upset he joined us for dessert one time though...)
Focus on what you are comfortable with.