HI!,
Only just noticed your post,when i started scrolling down the screen further.Nearly missed it.Kept checking too to see if you'd replied to 'ellasmum,i've not forgotton you,but after a while, i did not scroll down anymore to check it(spent too long reading 2nd child dilema posts from others!).
IT'S really made my day today too,hearing from you,it was such a nice surprise.
So nice to know youv'e not forgotton me either and were thinking of me.
Hope you are all ok too,and i'm so glad the depression has lifted.Life must be so much better now for you.
How's your DD got on at school?,and how did you cope?.
Mine found the transition to year 1 a bit hard,because it's more work than last year.
She has been put into the 'advanced' class and has 1 fairly long writing homework piece to do,alternated with some maths homework the next week and also 10 spelling words to do each week and either 1 or 2 reading books per week.Bit stressful,fitting it in at night,whilst still allowing her to relax/play enough.We manage though and i just do it when the writing mood hits her and get it over with,or do it whilst travelling to places at weekend!.Times like this,i don't know how i'd manage with a baby to look after as well.
Anyway,on that subject,youv'e spooked me out with your good luck wishes(thanks very much for those by the way!),because i went off the ideas of trying for a second(for the billionth time!!!!).Long story,but i had disagreement with DH and doubted his commitment to the idea,however,we made up the next day and we've tried again this month.However,i've started my usual PMT symptoms in the last two days and doubt that i will be pregnant this month.I am holding on to the hope though that early pregnancy symptoms can mimic PMT(read hundreds of very early symptoms on twoweekwait.com),so i've been looking for 'divine' signs that i might be(i believe my late grandad is my guardian angel).Do you believe in anything like that,or think it's a load of rubbish?!.
Anyway,just after babydusting,last week,i went back to bed and felt something under my foot,picked it up and it was a heart off my DD's pen and i thought,,ahh is this a sign that i've made the right decision,because all i can base my decision on right now,is the fact i want to 'grow more love' in our family.Feel like every time i make a decision,based on love/instincts/what my heart says,i get an 'approvel sign from God'.
We tried for another last month also,but to no avail.The morning i started my AF,my DD made the letters on the fridge into a perfect giant 'cross',for no good reason.I thought,was that God's way of comforting me,to let me know i was doing the right thing,that He WAS THERE AND TO HAVE PATIENCE?
I was upset and dissapointed about my TTC failure,so i finally knew that really my HEART does want a baby,even if my head is screaming otherwise.Have felt so weighed down and confused lately by all the reasons why i don't want another(many of those!!) and my head keeps winning in the end.But getting married and having DD were HEART decisions,and the best results of my life so far.ALso recently, at each fertile time,i have this urgency that i want to try to make a baby,don't want to waste a chance at trying.You know,like not just making love for it's own sake.It's like this feeling comes from somewhere else,and i can't even explain why it's here now(before i would dive for the contraception!)And after trying i have felt such great peace and contentment and enjoyed being carried along by nature,not fighting againest it..And in everyday life a great weight has been lifted from me,i am no longer in agony over it,and i no longer need to control my life(i am letting God instead!).
Anyway,like i said,have been looking for signs,and then youv'e come along with good luck wishes....how weird.
Hope that was rambly enough for you .
I'm only telling you all this,in the hope that my experience will help you and anyone else reading it,sort through your own thoughts on the matter.Iv'e read countless threads on the issue of another and although they gave me a lot of food for thought,i was still confused.The recent one 'am i mad to even contemplate a second' was helpful and fairly positive.Must admit,i fear for the future,either myself ending up with no family if the worst happened,or DD being lonely and like you,i stand at school and feel 'empty' without a pram and a bit jealous of the other mums(especially pregnant ones!).My DD's done nothing lately but 'care' for her baby dolls and she even has me fetching the dolls pram to school for her to play with at hometime!...and i agree(must really be missing a pram of my own).She's not mentioned sibs for a while,but every so often she says things like,"i wish my doll was a real baby",and says a prayer to God to make it real.
I feel really sad,when i watch her play with her 'babies' and i know she longs for them to 'interact' with her as a real sib would.(maybe this is 'projection' on my part and i am the one who's really sad that i haven't got a baby anymore!)As time goes on,i see that a sib would probably be the only way i could possibly enrich her life further.I could see her being really fullfilled in a big sis role.Feel like i have been 'fobbing' her off with toys and really this has not worked because she is a social creature,and much prefers people to toys(pets is another one i feel guilty about,but i would rather have another baby than a pet!)
Are you any nearer deciding?.Hope you come to some peace soon and good luck with everything you do too.
If you want to chat about anything,i'm here.I usually check for replies everyday or new topics relating to second children!!.
Yes we had a good summer thanks.Hope you did too.We were very content as a family of three and it was so 'easy',with no littlie to consider and DD was happy enough and joined in.But even that is not deterring me....
I will keep you updated!
hugs to you
will ramble again soon....