Please tell me this gets easier

[ChubbyScotsBurd]

I'm sorry, I seem to take so much on Mumsnet but feel I've not got much to give back right now, but I just need people to tell me this will not be forever.

My baby's 11 weeks now and while some things are getting better (he does sleep at nights for the most part) other things seem to be getting worse. He's restless and wakeful during the day (only naps in the sling or bouncy chair (both while moving), for half an hour at a time max, maybe 2-3 times on good days). He gets very easily overstimulated/overtired, when he starts kicking and flailing, 'shouting', wide-eyed, panting etc, then he gets into full-scale screaming/gasping for breath/hysterics until he falls asleep, but this can go on for a good 30mins plus before he passes out knackered. If I miss the window of tiredness he just gets into the manic screaming and then when he does fall asleep he wakes up very quickly and easily so starts all over again. He's worst in the evenings, classic 'colic' pattern, but I think it's just tiredness really, and excitement from dad arriving home/tv going on/long day behind him etc. We have no set routine, demand BFing and me trying to watch him like a hawk for signs he's tired. Once I do get him to sleep he very frequently wakes himself up by hitting himself in the face/scratching himself/generally thrashing around in a dream. So I have always got to stay with him for a good 20mins plus once he's nodded off. Oh, and I have to feed him to sleep at night because moving him inevitably wakes him so I feed him to sleep on our bed because we're cosleeping (because we have to due to moving him waking him etc etc :sigh: ).

My head's full of worries that he has to be fed to sleep, he can't be moved, he gets so overstimulated, I'm so crap at spotting the signs, I have SO much to do because we go away to see the inlaws this weekend, I'm worried about money, my OH needs constant reminding that he's no longer a batchelor and he can't just come home and spend 3 hours playing online because I need help around the house (although he's good with the moral support and patient with me), I have to go back to work in January and I don't know how on earth that's going to work out, and my baby, although getting better, still has these huge sleep problems and I can't bear to see him almost sick with hysterical crying most nights because I just can't time it right to get him to sleep.

I really don't think I'm depressed, and I do think I'm doing everything I can to stay in control and make my life easier but it's so hard not to feel like I'm letting my baby down and everyone else seems to be so in control at this stage ... as I say this is a blatant request for MN reassurance, I'm sorry to ask for help again and again but I just struggle right now to see that this can ever get better.

HV coming tomorrow, bet I feel fine by the time she arrives ... :tears hair out:

Because you have just started a new job, Mother, your job description is Everything, your hours are Always, the training is Minimal, the pay is Nil, and the boss is a screaming lunatic who doesn't even speak the same language as you, yet shouts at you when you don't do what he wants!

That's why. It's not called the hardest job in the world for nothing!

Give him a feed, change his bum, put him in the pram wrapped up tight and go for a walk. Go and treck across some lumpy grass - it makes the pushchai wobble.

I used to have to take ds2 for a walk every single day ofr he would scream, refuse to sleep, and then scream more.

Thanks colditz. I'm sure a lot of the screaming is my fault because when he won't sleep I get madly infuriated and impatient with him and he totally senses this and gets anxious too, it's so wrong of me to put this on him because he just doesn't know how to sleep, poor thing, I just feel when he's constantly waking back up every few minutes or even screaming that it's like he's doing it to me IYSWIM, he's doing it out of badness which of course he isn't. I've put him in the sling, had more success with settling him in there than the pram, and he's at the shuddery sobbing stage now so hopefully calm enough (both of us) to get out for a bit. Just got so much to do today - know it's none of it more important than him but keep thinking how much easier everything could be if only he would just be put down for a sleep even for half an hour. AAAAAAAARGH!

Screw everything but the baby today. You are getting cross because you are feeling pressure to get other stuff done - well, you can't, and that's that. Your baby is a full time job at the minute, and you would not expect to be going to work and simultaneously doing other stuff, would you? take the pressure off yourself, decide that today you are doing nothing else (and when he does sleep, that's your breaktime) then it doesn't matter if you can't put him down, you've nothing else to be doing anyway.

Don't worry about walking around outside while he screams. Nobody who has had a screamy baby would even bat an eyelid, and anyone who hasn't doesn't know what land you are in at the minute.

Have chippy chips for tea, don't lift a finger otherwise. Your Dp can do it when he gets back, or you can do some tomorrow.

Does he have a dummy by the way? Helped both of mine to settle.

:big sigh of relief: he's asleep in the sling.

Oh how I wish he'd take a dummy! No joy, despite several attempts in various circumstances.

I'm going to go for a walk, and you're right, I can catch up with everything else later. This is so hard!

Thank you, you're really kind. Why aren't people this lovely in RL?

Oh CSB you do sound at the end of your tether

What is the oterh stuff that needs doing and can someone else do it?

Does your DS fall asleep afetr feeding during the day?

GG - hooray!!! Even when DS started sleeping on his own in his cot for his afternoon nap, I still often used to have a nap as well. Nothing beats it!

you said you tried a dummy? have you tried the different types? there are breast feeding dummies, orthodentic ones and cherry ones! my LO now 4 months was just likes yours but luckliy for me it only lasted till she was about 12 weeks! i dont know how i would have coped if it lasted any longer!

she wouldnt take the first dummy i offered her it was an orthodentic one that i had to phone my mum out of bed for to drive to tesco at midnight coz i was desperate! (really didnt want use dummies so didnt buy any at first ) but my sis left her LO's cherry dummy so i sterlised that and tried her with that in another moment of desperation and she loved it! unfortunatley she kept knocking it out of her mouth while flailing her arms! but at least i got half an hours peace then just had to pop it back in!

CSB, just thought I'd add then when my DD was this age and wouldn't sleep in the day, I would take her into my bed and breastfeed her to sleep and then curl up around her and sleep or rest myself. It worked, and trust me, they grow out of it so you won't be setting up bad habits. And you get much needed rest too.
Hope you're having a better day.