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Feeding to sleep

10 replies

Fuscialuscia · 17/09/2020 10:38

Hi all looking for some advice from experience! I’ve been feeding my baby to sleep and now wondering how to stop or if I even need to. Have you managed to stop or did you just continue and if you did continue, did they just grow out of it? I’m considering sleep training but just not sure if it’s really necesary..

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AnneLovesGilbert · 17/09/2020 10:43

Is it working for you? How old is your baby? I’ve carried on, DD is 17 months and I definitely wouldn’t sleep train. Night waking and feeding to sleep are completely normal and healthy and I have no intention of taking that comfort away from her or withholding my attention at night to leave her to cry, even for a short time. She’s my baby, that I chose to bring into the world, and she deserves love, parenting and feeding at night as well as in the day. Works for us Smile

Twizbe · 17/09/2020 10:52

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I fed to sleep until it stopped working. For naps that was around 4/5 months and overnight it was 9 months

Fuscialuscia · 17/09/2020 11:03

Thanks everyone. My baby is 8 months old. very easy to settle at night, we co-sleep most of the time. I do find it really tiring being the only one to put them down to sleep at night and my husband would like to help with that. Everyone has an opinion on it though don’t they? Especially if they’ve sleep trained and you haven’t. I don’t feel like we have any major issues and I do expect night wakings at this age but there’s so much information out there I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong/guilty for not teaching her how to get herself to sleep.

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Fuscialuscia · 17/09/2020 11:04

@Twizbe how did you go about settling your baby without feeding, just out of curiosity?

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Fuscialuscia · 17/09/2020 11:06

@AnneLovesGilbert thanks so much, it sounds like we have similar thoughts on sleep training! How often do you find your baby wakes now? My husband is concerned that our child will still be waking as regularly (approx 3 times a night) long term if I continue to feed to sleep so I’m interested to know if this is the case?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 17/09/2020 11:23

We live in a very pro sleep training culture so it’s hard to filter what advice works for you and when you’ve had a rough night, or several, it’s easy to question your methods and doubt yourself. We’ve ALL been there Smile

There’s no normal for night wakings but hopefully by cosleeping the disruption is lessened, to all of you, and with feeding to sleep at least you know it’s efficient! DD has a floor bed next to our bed now so she goes to sleep on that, I feed and roll away, I wish we’d done it ages ago, she bloody hated her stupid cot and transferring her while asleep was either seamless or a nightmare so in a rage I dismantled it and read up on floor beds - Sarah ockwell-smith is a good read - and it’s been amazing. When she wakes once we’re in bed I either scooch down to feed her on there and get back into bed or I bring her in with us. She’s always in by around 4, it’s got later as time has gone by, and if she wakes early I can get her back snoozing for a couple of hours. Can’t imagine doing it any other way. She’s usually up twice or three times but I’m so used to it that when she’s done a 6 hour stretch from bedtime I’ve found myself waiting and watching... To people who sleep train that must sound horrendous but I’ve always taken her lead, she’s not a terrible sleeper, she settles back really quickly and I like the combination of floor bed and cosleeping. (Occasionally nod off while feeding her on the floor which can leave me a bit cricked but otherwise fine and lovely!)

We were talking about it last night. DH has two older kids from his previous marriage and would have thought anyone with a child DD’s age still sleeping in the parents room was mad. But they were FF from birth, in their own rooms at 3 months and turned out perfectly well, DD is BF, cosleeping has worked for us and she’s also turning out perfectly well. It’s whatever suits your family.

If you’re on Facebook you might find the group Beyond sleep training helpful for likeminded parents.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/09/2020 11:31

On your last point, I have several friends who nightweaned hoping their baby would sleep through. In all cases they continued to wake up and the thing that got them back to sleep quickly is now gone so you’re still up and disturbed and have to find something else that works. I’ve read people saying it helped but not met anyone in RL yet so I’m sticking with it. Nightweaning isn’t recommended before 18 months anyway, which probably feels like a million miles away right now, but I promise those months will fly past. Hope that helps...

The thing about sleep training too is that it’s not usually a one time “fix”. Even if you think it works because your baby no longer expects you to be there, teething can cock it up and sleep regressions can mean you have to go back and do it again. It’s not for me. My baby, your baby, don’t know that it’s 2020, we’re all busy and anyone thinks nightwaking is abnormal in any way. Our children want us, need us and they only have us to rely on. When we wake up cold we can get an extra layer, if we’re thirsty we can get a glass of water, if we want a hug and have a partner we can cosy into them. And that’s just if we can identify why we’ve woken up. Our babies are so little, so dependent and the changes they’re going through exploring the world and growing and learning are immense. They deserve us to be there for them, to work out what they need and comfort them. Especially at nighttime.

Twizbe · 17/09/2020 11:51

[quote Fuscialuscia]@Twizbe how did you go about settling your baby without feeding, just out of curiosity?[/quote]
For naps we had a pretty strong routine and it took a few weeks of always doing nap at the same time with the curtains closed. I'd put them down in their cot and sit next to them holding their hand until they fell asleep. After a few weeks they'd fall asleep as soon as they hit the bed. Their bodies had got into the pattern of sleeping at that time.

For nights, around 9 months feeding stopped sending them to sleep. At bed time I'd feed then do a story and put them down. Then I'd do like naps until they fell asleep. They were already in the pattern of going to sleep then so I didn't have to sit with them long.

I did do controlled crying at 9 months for overnight waking. By that point though they were only waking once a night.

Dillybear · 17/09/2020 16:48

I think it depends whether you’re happy without your current situation. My DD self settles to sleep happily now. I used gentle methods to teach her how after she stopped feeding to sleep in the day and she does it at night too. But she still wakes for feeds overnight- much to many of my friends’ horror! She seems to need night feeds though so I’m just happy to go with it for now. I think only change it if it stops working for you or if you think it will soon (going back to work etc).

Noshowlomo · 17/09/2020 16:50

18 months and still fed to sleep at night. I love it, a lovely cwtch and he drops off in my arms.

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