So..what are you meant to do during a 3 year olds melt down?

[bmachine]

three year old has just started having huge melt downs ...bit different from the shorter slightly more logical yelling fits she used to have when she didnt get her way.....now she looks overwhelmed with emotion almost like a mini teenager.

whats the best tactic to deal with these?

Any good books to read about parenting this developmental stage?

Sarah Ockwell-Smith Is really good xx

I just try to stay calm, offer hugs until they’ve calmed down then we have a chat about it. Works most of the time for mine x

I used to ignore and get on with housework if we were at home. Luckily DCs rarely did this when out, but if it did happen, generally scoop them up and go home, as fast as possible. But I didn’t read any books about it... interesting to see what they would make of my method. I would also ask them why they had been so cross later on, and suggest a better way to act. But I think this didn’t really work , not immediate enough perhaps.

We've got a book called baby faces , it talks simply about emotions. I usually tell my son that he's feeling sad because he didn't want to leave the park etc. Then start reading the book. It calms him quickly most of the time.

This only happened to us a handful of times.
Tiredness was a huge trigger.
I had to remain in sight but not make eye contact and just wait until she had calmed down. Then comfort her.

Thanks all, very helpful i will check out those recommendations and try some new tactics.

The strength of the emotion is quite a suprise. I can see in her eyes shes feeling it so deeply, not even necessarily trying to get something from me.

Its not happened in public yet ..but it will im sure

@Bettyboop82

Sarah Ockwell-Smith Is really good xx

Which book would you recommend?

I have started to differentiate why the melt down- the attitude filled strops for no reason get a timeout punishment- the lack of sleep (dropping the naps), hungry, etc I tend to encourage her to “use your words”, and ask “why she’s sad” when going hysterical and offer a hug. Usually works- just once it didn’t and I had to raise my voice to get her to calm down, it was beyond epic

@bmachine

Thanks all, very helpful i will check out those recommendations and try some new tactics.

The strength of the emotion is quite a suprise. I can see in her eyes shes feeling it so deeply, not even necessarily trying to get something from me.

Its not happened in public yet ..but it will im sure

She may not have them in public. Often children keep in their emotions until they are home and feel safe and then explode like a pressure cooker.

I just stay near by until she is happy for me to pick her up and cuddle her.
Has she just started nursery?

Apparently they can't regulate how far they can go. Stay calm, offer a hug, distract her and start to drink heavily 😉

Acknowledge her emotion
If she goes on and on and is disruptive to the rest of the family request that she calms down in her room where her noise isn't disturbing anyone else.

Tantrums are usually hunger, tiredness, emerging sickness, allergies/inflammation... Not often the result of nothing. But sometimes they really are.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

I have started to differentiate why the melt down- the attitude filled strops for no reason get a timeout punishment- the lack of sleep (dropping the naps), hungry, etc I tend to encourage her to “use your words”, and ask “why she’s sad” when going hysterical and offer a hug. Usually works- just once it didn’t and I had to raise my voice to get her to calm down, it was beyond epic

This is what we do too. It is like DD morphed into a mini teenager overnight. Door slams, sobbing, "it's not fair", hand on hips... We do a mixture of timeouts, ignoring and offering comfort depending on the reason. Even when ignoring though we check in with her and offer comfort. Sometimes she is open to it and other times it enrages her more! Sometimes I just hold her and let her sob/wail etc, usually when she's super tired and it's all just too much. We talk a lot about emotions and give them names in everyday life. Afterwards we try to talk about what she was feeling, what made her feel that way, some ways we can let others know what she is feeling or wants without the screaming so next time she has more tools to use. For our DD trying to reason with her in the heat of the moment doesn't work. We also tell her she can always let her emotions out with us and that we're never angry or upset with her for what she is feeling (although we gently emphasize better ways to express them!).