Fed up of negative comments about boys

[Greenleaves20]

I’ve got one DS who is 19 months old who is an absolutely joyful and amazing boy. We had IVF to have him and we feel so lucky and grateful he’s here. However, there have been comments from different people ranging from good friends to complete strangers about having boys and that girls are much preferred. Someone even said they’d rather not have children than have a boy. No one seems to be able to explain why but from what I’ve read, people seem to think girls are easier, will be in better contact etc with family when they leave home and girls are better as carers etc. I just find this sort of stereotyping really quite annoying to be honest. I’m sure my LB will enjoy ‘girls’ activities if I give him the chance. It puts girls and women in those stereotyped roles from the very start! Has anyone else found this?

It’s dimwit platitudes from people who are not terribly bright and who have a highly-gendered, ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ view on the world. The kind of people who bob up on here bleating ‘A son’s a son till he takes a wife...’

I don't get it either 🤷🏻‍♀️
I only have DS and Boys really are the best in my opinion. My experience is that they're so much more loving and affectionate. If I had another baby, I'd probably hope for another boy.

Ha! In my dh's Asian culture having all boys is seen as very lucky and blessed. It's having girls that's made out to be nor so good.

My mother told me the great thing with same sex children is you can pass the clothes and toys down more easily, saves a fortune as apparently when I came along it cost her a fortune

@OnlyFoolsnMothers

No offence but I don’t appreciate that in bigging up boys we have to put down having a girl. Every child is different and both sexes throw up challenges.

This! I can’t stand girls being put down to make boys sound better. I can’t stand boys being put down to make girls sound better.

My DD is an absolute delight and a complete nightmare in equal measures. She’s loving and caring and likes playing with a range of things. She can also have a temper and refuse to do things. I have never stopped her climbing a tree or getting dirty and would have told a boy to be careful and kind just as frequently as I tell my DD.

I’m sure my second DD (due any day now) will be the same.

Who is putting down girls? Have I missed a particular comment? Seems like people just sharing they own experiences.

their

I have s SD, an SS and a S - both boys were much easier right through til adulthood.

Yesterdayforgotten it’s obvious to me that when people say anything questionably negative about boys, they are told “every child is diff etc” But it’s fine for people to say things such as
“DD is a legitimate nightmare 70% of the time and all girls I know are”
“(Boys) are much more loving and affectionate”

I’m just saying in society it’s disappointing that we in defending one sex stereotype feel the need agree with negative stereotypes about the other.

I do think some posters on MN reinforce stereotypes about boys and girls. I am always sad about the increasing number of gender disappointment threads ( which are always about having a boy and wanting a girl).

Hmm I think that was prob just that pps experience. My experience is they are all difference and I'd say that about 2 girls or 2 boys.

@mrsmuddlepies I see that all of the time too.

As another poster mentioned I am also probably guilty of it myself from experience. The little boys I know on DP side of family are so rough, always fighting, constantly misbehaving, spend hours and hours shut away playing video games and getting aggressive about it. If I said it hadn't scared me and made me hope I don't have a boy I'd be lying. But this has been my only experience, I haven't witnessed the other side that I've seen some people mention.

Whoever said having boys is great because "no pink or my little pony" - you are the other side of the same problem! Stop stereotyping children! My son is 4 and he he loves pink and my little pony. And dressing up like a fairy prince. And flowers/butterflies/glitter/gymnastics/cuddles and kisses etc. He also likes monster trucks, diggers, getting filthy at the park, dinosaurs, duplo, art, baking, train sets, paw patrol, and every other colour of the rainbow etc etc etc. My daughter likes all of the above as well.

Maybe their interests will become more gendered as they grow older and become more influenced by their peer groups, but their natural instinct (and I think the natural instinct of most children) is to enjoy both feminine and masculine coded activities equally. You cannot predict children's behaviours and interests by looking at their genitalia, and frankly I have a low opinion of people who try.

I'm glad I've got a boy, even if solely you not ever have to consider putting him in a vile JoJo bow shudders

Weirdly when I was pregnant OP which is 7 years ago now, all I ever heard was "ooh how lovely it's a boy, they're so much more loving and affectionate! Girls are a LOT harder"

And this wasn't a one off comment, I worked with a lot of customers and I heard it constantly!

I have honestly never heard anybody express disappointment on my behalf for having a son. It’s only on Mumsnet that I’ve seen this apparently widespread opinion that all mums want a girl 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it's all down to some people having a very stereotypical view of boys and girls. And I think they are mostly said by people who had children without any issues, who don't realise how unimportant the sex of a child is. Going through infertility or pregnancy loss really puts things into perspective, which makes comments even more hurtful imo.
I can't say I have seen a lot of strongly gendered behaviour in either of my boys - one of them loves playing football, but he will also sit quietly for an hour drawing unicorns. The other one loves cars and motorbikes, but will also sit on my lap for twenty minutes without talking and enjoy a cuddle. They both love doing my hair. To me, it all seems to be down to personality as long as you give children the freedom to make their own choices wrt toys, clothes, hairstyle etc.

Most boys do seem to be more physical and enjoy rough play, but perhaps that's mainly because they're allowed to do it and don't have a parent hovering over them telling them to be careful. I see that more with girls.

My experience is different to the OP and many posting here. I have a boy and have had multiple strangers or acquaintances over the years (e.g. people on the bus or train) tell me how lucky I am to have a boy and that girls are difficult/divas/less affectionate etc. I do agree that I am lucky to have him, I just think I would be equally fortunate if he was a girl. It seems a shame that the people making these comments don’t just say something nice without putting down girls. Also, there is a pattern of people mentioning they had both so ‘they know’ and making assumptions about all boys or girls based on their own children which is a far too limited sample size and where they may unintentionally be more inclined to see their own bias confirmed or have reinforced it in their parenting.

@turnthebiglightoff

I'm glad I've got a boy, even if solely you not ever have to consider putting him in a vile JoJo bow shudders

You don’t have to put a girl in a JoJo bow you know. It’s not a law.

Let me be clear, I'm not putting my DD or other girls down to big up boys. I have never heard it this way round before and I was a little shocked. My comments on my daughter are true. She can be a nightmare. Is it because she's a girl? I don't know. She's not a stereotypical girl in most ways. She lives in leggings and hoody's, hates pink and much to my annoyance hates jojo bows... I thought they were cute.

I wouldn't change her for the world. She's perfect. Though, I'd be grateful if she started to listen to me once in a while.

I also find these comments (and all the “gender” disappointment threads) so annoying and frustrating. They’re so full of stereotypes! Even the people who supposedly defend boys usually do it via stereotyping “boys are great because they’re more affectionate”, “boys means you want have to deal with pink and princesses”, “boys are so much more fun”. Argh! In my opinion having a boy child vs a girl child is pretty much meaningless. What matters is their personalities, their interests, their temperament. It’s so restrictive to assume that having a boy will lead to a particular experience of parenting which is different from having a girl. Even having these thoughts probably contributes to the unconscious biases/projections which just lead to more stereotypes. I have a boy and he is adorable. I want to bring him up to be proud to be a boy, and also to know that he’s not any less of a boy if he doesn’t like football/loves my little pony/has a colour preference that isn’t blue. My relationship with him is not going to be dictated by his genitalia, but by who he is.

Let’s change it to:

Children are great because they’re so much more affectionate than adults (usually).

Children are great because they’re so much fun.

Children are great because they love all the things you want to like but are too old for. You get to play with Lego, Barbies, tea sets, cars all over again!

Children are great because you can dress them in outfits that are super cute. They come in so many colours with dinosaurs and rainbows on them.

Children are great and you’re so lucky to have one/two/three...