Just been pressurised to potty train by pre school

[Essex123]

I've just collected my just three year old from pre school, and was told that he really should be potty trained now he is three so that they can assess him.
In front of other parents I felt very judged and what is the assessment thing about?
I now feel really stressed about sending him tomorrow

Both my DC potty trained within a week or so - fairly stress free, one accident (on the landing) and otherwise they got it no problem. They were each about 3 1/4.

Could they have been potty trained earlier? Maybe, but probably with more accidents etc. I don't understand the rush to get children to do things before they are ready.

@GalaxyCookieCrumble

Yup it’s illegal. Have a read of the Equality Act 2010.

There seems to be such an issue with potty training early.

All of our children have done it when they were ready and went from pull ups to dry day & night.

We have never had any accidents and have always been dry 24/7 because we didn't pressure them into it. We did it when they showed they were ready.

Some did this early some were later on.

@TheWayOfTheWorld

I agree with you. My son showed signs at 2.5 so we started trying, clearly he wasn’t ready so we stopped but still had to odd try. Started again properly at 3.2, no accidents/problems at all.

They should have done this privately not in front of parents, but if your child is three and you are not trying to toilet train, then you really need to be doing this, OP. A generation ago, most people were doing this at 2 unless there was special needs.

Well they’ve got a point, but probably shouldn’t have embarrassed you in front of the other parents.

My little boy (who has no special needs) was no where near ready at 3. We had a disastrous 2 weeks of trying to train him. Gave up and tried again at 3.5 and he picked it up straight away. I am in no rush to start with his little brother who is 2.5 and intend to wait until he’s ticking all the boxes and I think it’ll be a success. I really don’t think they should have said that to you in front of other parents. You cannot force a child to learn who is not ready in my opinion without ending up with a lot of accidents over a long period of time.

@Brieminewine

Well they’ve got a point, but probably shouldn’t have embarrassed you in front of the other parents.

This ^

No way should staff have spoken to you about it in front of others but I expect they wanted to alert you to thinking about It. I have four teenagers who all potty trained between 2 and 2.5 don’t remember them showing any particular ‘signs’ just thought it was an appropriate age. Two went to a pre-school where they had to be dry, younger two went to one where if they were not toilet trained staff worked with you to get them trained as soon as possible (unless special needs). Perhaps they want to do a plan with you to manage toilet training?

Sorry unless some SEN then I agree with them- and perhaps you feel shame because you know it too- he’s 3!

I agree with the staff. But yes they should have go about it in a more private way. Is there a reason he isn't potty trained?

Mine were all potty trained between from just before two and two and a half. I don't want to sound mean and judgemental but I wouldn't want to be changing nappies on a child of over three if I worked in a nursery. My GS is at a school for severe special needs. When he started I was asked for his nappies. He was the only child potty trained and they were surprised. He was clean and dry at the same age as my children.

It's possible that the staff didn't mean to speak in front of other parents but at the moment it's not easy to find a private time to chat... give your health visitor a call they can offer loads of support and will be able to help you judge if he is ready

There’s no need to feel shame! Nursery suggested now would be a good time, maybe he’s showing them signs he’s ready?
Pick up and drop off is a busy time and they probably don’t class potty training as a sensitive issue that needs to be discussed discretely.
You know your child. If you think they are ready give it a go. If you don’t, then tell nursery that.
No need to have a big issue with it either way.

Like others have said they probably just couldn’t find a way to do it in private because of covid. I’m sure the other parents don’t really care whether your child is potty trained or not, and if you’re embarrassed, why not do something about it? Unless he’s got SEN I don’t think it’s unreasonable of them to mention it to you. Why not give it a try?

Has he turned 3 in the last fortnight (ish) or a September birthday or before that? If he hasn't just turned 3 and you're in England then the chances are that this time next year he'll be starting school. Although there's no magic about doing it this week rather than in a handful of weeks' time, you'd probably want to aim to have him securely potty trained in good time for school.

It really depends on the child. My 3 year old is just potty trained in the last week. We've tried a few times but he has refused to wear pants and we didn't want to make it a battle. He was in pull ups when he moved to the pre school room at the start of September but I kept them informed of my tries and they tried a few times in nursery (as kids often do things at nursery that they won't do at home). Luckily last Wednesday he announced he wanted to wear pants and that was that (with a few accidents along the way)

They shouldn’t have done it in front of other parents. But your post indicates you’ve not started potty training him yet, is there a reason for this?