Another thread about toddlers!

[Rosebud1302]

So I have seen a lot of threads about this topic recently (which I guess is reassuring haha) but here's another one.....I am STRUGGLING with my 2 year old at the moment.

Everything. And I mean everything. Is "NO" cue the cry, whinge, tantrum etc etc. It is so so draining and is quite frankly ruining days out. I try so hard to not get frustrated with him because I really do know it's a hard time for them emotionally. But my god. I struggle a lot of the time.

Has anyone got any tips or tricks? Anything I'm missing?! I try and give him choices where I can. But sometimes things just have to happen (going in the car, not being carried anymore because my back can't take it so he has to go in the pushchair). I want to enjoy my time with him but at the moment it is hard work going anywhere with him and not particularly enjoyable. Again I know I know, woe is me. I just mean that I think I'm missing something here. I don't want to be the frustrated grouchy mummy so I would really love if anyone has any tips or suggestions about how I can handle the toddler years. He has only just turned 2 so I'm scared a lot worse is to come 🤣😳

Thanks in advance! ☺️

For mine I found it helped to keep life simple and close to home. Rather than going out somewhere just pop your wellies on and stomp round the streets. That way you can do it when he’s most compliant and go straight home if/when he melts down.

Also offer limited choice rather than open choice- “do you want to wear your boots or your shoes when we go out”.

Good parenting is enforcing the boundaries you set, so I tried to minimise the boundaries to essential stuff only. No point saying “you can’t go out until you put your coat on” because it can cause a stand off. Just go out and carry the coat for when they realise they need it.

Breathe. Repeat “it’s just a phase” on loop. Keep a big stash of chocolate (for yourself). It’s just a phase.

Watching with interest as my nearly three year old is driving me up the wall with the tantrums, winging, taking all her clothes off, refusing to put shoes on, nappy on, clothes on, get in the car, keep seatbelt on, eat, throwing food all over the kitchen, winding up her sisters... the list goes on

@peakotter thank you those are good tips. I am trying really hard to not make battles out of things that really aren't that important. I'm a very stubborn person unfortunately so this is hard for me! But you're so right, it just isn't worth the battle.

Yes I do try and give him those kinds of choices but often the answer is still "no". It's like weeeell I didn't actually ask you for a yes or no dude 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️

@Goodebe sorry you are having a tough time. All of that stuff rings incredibly true for me too. It's very draining!

Try not to say no, really difficult I know
Shall we do x instead?
You can have a biscuit after you’ve eaten the apple
First we’ll peg the washing out then we’ll play trains.
For trips out pick places with very few distractions, I favour parks at very quiet times. Tell them what you expect so we will go on swing slide etc then we will go and you can have a special drink (carton of orange juice) and snack in the car/push chair
Avoid things that cause tantrums as much as possible. Distract them when they’re about to blow.

Just you wait... three is even worse.

Path of least resistance is my advice, not too much choice, ignore them when they're kicking off.

My son is 4 in a few weeks and we are just the last month coming out of the shit storm, albeit slowly.

Thank you @Itllbeaninterestingchristmas really good advice. I do try and keep stuff nice and chirpy and explain why rather than just say no but I am the first to admit I get frustrated when the tenth thing in a row has caused a meltdown 🤣 I know I need to channel my inner chill haha.

@espressoontap oh god see I'm dreading it getting worse!!! Path of least resistance is a very good phrase indeed. Thank you for your advice.

Side question - when does it actually get to the point where you can reason with a child? I'm fully aware now that when I explain stuff or try and distract that he doesn't really get it a lot of the time (or is just too see that THIS is what he wants to do). Is there any point trying to reason? I feel I prolong the tantrum and it very rarely works.

I'd say it's only the last few months, maybe since lockdown that we've been able to reason with him.

'No you can't watch Paw Patrol now, but if you eat your tea you can watch an episode after'

'Please don't shout, it pisses upsets mummy and daddy'.

Some of the things he comes out with has me in hysterics inside, my husband has to walk away laughing at times.

It does get easier and the tantrums easier to manage, especially if you can nip them in the bud before they fully erupt, sometimes you just have to let them get it out of their system though. Negotiation helps, too!

Toddlers are a funny breed. I'm due no2 next week and wondering why we are doing it again 😂

To answer your side question, it depends on the child. It may be long before age 4 like pp, so don’t panic. I have one who was bad 18mo-2.5, one who was 1-6 and the last is finally hitting the bad spot aged 3 after a being a wonderful 2yo.

I don’t know how much it gets easier and how much you just learn to live with it, but one day they’ll be stuck in their room playing computer games and you’ll miss the tantrums.

That was a lie.

Aw I feel your pain! I have a 22 month old who is highly unreasonable!

We do a little reasoning where there are immediate and obvious consequences (no bib? Well no breakfast. Put on your bib and you can have breakfast). However we go out of the house without trousers on fairly often. I pick my battles and if he has a nappy on then often that will do. He's usually more compliant in the nursery car park.

Also I explain very little! You sound much more helpful than me!

@espressoontap haha awww well I guess it can't be all bad or every woman would only have one (or none) right?! 🤣. Thank you for your tips though. Really helpful.

@Itllbeaninterestingchristmas thank you. Definitely need to learn to pick my battles. Again really useful advice.

@Goodebe it's tough isn't it! It is reassuring to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this stuff. I think it's easy to get swept up in the "why is my kid the only one I ever see melting down" etc etc.

Ok so you guys are being really helpful so I'm afraid I have another question (and probably lots more 🤣). So I've done all the build up. Explained why he can't do something or why he has to do something (I'm thinking specifically about the car here). It hasn't worked and we are point blank refusing the sit nicely so I can strap him in. Or he is refusing to walk away from the shop I've said we can't go into now. What would you do? I've tried reasoning and explaining but he isn't having it. I've resorted to man handling him in (or away) but I really hate doing this and I really want him to make good choices. But I can't stand there all day negotiating right?

Oh wow it literally tagged every single one of you wrong!! I'm so sorry for the wrong tags!!! @espressoontap @peakotter @StrawScarecrow I of course meant to tag you guys x

Manhandling is the way to go! I’m all for gentle parenting but when they won’t sit in the car seat, or we’re running late to pick up an older child, then I think getting physical is the only way. As long as it’s done in a calm way (I don’t always manage this).

You are the parent. I think the move to gentle parenting has swung to permissive parenting in some cases. Obedience is important in some cases. I know toddlers who don’t brush their teeth because their parents won’t force them to. Toddlers can’t always reason and need to be kept safe.

Tickling helps bend them to get them in the car seat!

Are you giving him too much information or choice?

So instead of asking questions or giving choices try in a happy song aping voice-
In the car we go- ready steady........go! Go go!
I like to channel my internal CBBC voice and be super chirpy about it. And it’s NOT a choice but it sounds like a game/race. And then in the car “oh you’re soooooo good at sitting up like a big boy” “look at you getting your straps on! Wowee! What a clever boy!” “I’m taking a picture to show daddy/Grannie how lovely you are sitting in your car seat”

That sort of thing?

*Sing-song

100% man handling, yes! Once past the point of no return.

And distraction- ooh look a dog. How many red cars can you see. (This only works at the beginning of a situation, if he's actually in tears it's no good)

I'm also a singer, we have songs for specific situations e.g. getting in the car, brushing teeth, this distracts him and cheers him up usually. I must find a getting your trousers on song! However I generally don't sing in public.

I'm trying (failing) to find triggers too, hunger seems to be one, tiredness, but also just contrainess.

Thank you everyone for the reassurance. How does parenting make you doubt yourself so much?! 🤣 I am approaching things with a whole different attitude today and so far so good. Thank you for all of the advice.

Path of least resistance, bribery, manhandling and noise cancelling headphones.

So sorry op I know exactly what you’re going through and the good news is it does slowly get better. I’ve found after 3 and a half things gradually improving. 2 was bad but the first half of 3 I found pure carnage. On a positive note dc1 is really turning into the loveliest child now and a becoming a pleasure to be around (still a few hairy moments mind so not quite there yet but I see the light!!)

Oh and I second bribery and what ever it takes to get through the storm do it 😂

@xtinak haha I am definitely lacking in some good headphones, very smart idea 🤣

@Yesterdayforgotten oh noooo I have heard 3 is often worse. I love my son to bits but my goodness he is a strong little character haha. I am liking the sound of path of least resistance and bribery more and more 🤣👍🏻