How to help primary aged children build resiliance

[gingermary]

My sons are 9 and 6, the 9 year old is finding it very difficult to cope in a post-Covid world. He is back at school after a long absence (we are in SA not the UK), the school requires the children to wear masks except when eating and to social distance at 1.5m at all times. He is incredibly frustrated not to be able to play with his friends in the same way and to not be able to chat without shouting across the playground. They were playing shadow tag etc but that has now been stopped as too many children aren;t able to maintain social distance- his big bug bear is that he is being punished for other people's inability to follow the rules. He is angry and sad a lot of the time and whilst we talk about it when he wants to and reassure him and have allowed play dates at home with a select couple of friends, I can see that this is really affecting his ability to cope with any change or disappointment. There is so much information online about mindfulness, empathy etc but I am really looking for tips and ideas from other parents on things that have really worked for your children and your family.

Tbh I think your son's reaction is normal and therefore doesn't need to be managed. The school sound like they are unreasonable. Guidelines don't suggest that primary aged children socially distance nor should they be wearing masks if under 11. I'd challenge the school.

Thanks for the reply. I also think his behaviors is normal I don't want to manage it but I would like to help him develop ways to cope so that he doesn't feel so unhappy. As I said I'm not in the UK so our regulations are different. I'm actually on the governing body of the school and we have done everything possible within the rules to make things as simple as possible for the kids. Unfortunately if we don't abide by the department of education rules the school will be closed. The masks actually aren't an issue the children have adapted to th easily and the whole population has to wear a mask anywhere in public so it's become normal. It's the lack of control he finds so difficult to cope with

@Bellesavage The OP is is South Africa not the Uk so I’m guessing different rules.

@gingermary I don’t think that what your son is feeling is unreasonable tbh it’s a difficult time for many and I think a fair few adults are having trouble too.

All you can do is keep letting him vent to you and agree that it’s not fair but that for now it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes people don’t follow the rules and he is having to learn that you can’t control what others do just what you do and getting angry does nothing. When he’s talking to you ask him to think about feeling angry and frustrated makes him feel and what he thinks he can do that would make him feel better. There is lots of information on cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) online and this is really useful in this kind of situation because it’s asking you to acknowledge that sometimes feeling a certain way is futile but that only you can change that.

Is it something you can talk to the school about? Make them aware if how he is feeling because a feeling of a lack of control over a situation can lead to bad anxiety and that can have far reaching affects. Is there any pastoral care or counselling available from the school for the children that are struggling? They aren’t always the ones hiding in the corner, anxiety exhibits itself in different ways for different children.

If it’s any comfort @gingermary I don’t think you’re going to be on your own with this problem.

Keep talking to him, tell him it’s ok but that he can also make himself feel better he just has to work out how with you. Do you can’t do this thing for now we’ll what can you do. Don’t focus on what you can’t do focus on what you can do.

Thanks that's really helpful

Honestly at this age I'd try and encourage him to see the funny side. Mindfulness and other interventions often only serve to enhance anxiety in these type of situations.