New baby - jealous sibling

[cookiesaurus]

Evening all,

I had a baby 7 days ago and already had a 22 month old daughter. We tried to prepare her for the baby's arrival by talking about the baby, reading new sibling books, getting the baby stuff ready as well as trying to include my eldest in helping with baby and also giving her space. We have also taken her out for trips by herself as well as as a whole family.

My eldest is so upset at the arrival of our new baby - she's genuinely upset. Waking up very upset from naps, crying when she sees the baby, she's really clingy particularly to her Dad (I think I'm being blamed for the baby's arrival). We're also seeing lots more tantrums due to her emotional state.

I'm finding it really difficult to know how to handle this. I'm feeling emotional with the post baby hormones.

Does anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? I appreciate it will take time but we have seen no improvement in a week at all!! My husband is back to work next week and I'm struggling to see how I'll cope unless there's some improvement.

Tia x

Apologies for typos - I'm absolutely knackered!

It does get easier! It’s a big change for the older sibling. And it’s only been a week.

Can you carve out some time for your big girl? Perhaps have nice stories when you’re breastfeeding, or snuggles together when the baby naps. Or is there anyone else who can lend a hand when dad’s at work? Her grandparents who can make a fuss of her, or nursery that keeps a similar routine can be lifesavers in this kind of situation.

Thank you for replying.

I think it's just going to take time isn't it??
We don't have any family living locally so nursery may be the best option tbh, I'm just worried she may feel like we're kicking her out; although every day she's there she seems to love it!! I think this might be a solution for the time being to see if we can make some progress.

🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 she makes peace with the situation soon!!

Following for advice - my baby is due in a few weeks when my little girl will be 23/24 months.

Just to say you sound like a lovely caring mum and are doing lots of things to help your older daughter! Hang in there!

Poor you. I was you six months ago and I agree that it often gets easier with time. As much as you try to prepare them for the arrival of a sibling, your DD is still only very little (I have same age gap) and her whole world has changed. My DS now mostly adores his brother and I think it just took some time to get used to having a sibling.

If finances allow, could you get your DD some fun new toys to play with? And if the baby will nap in the pram then use that time to play with your DD so that she’s getting some nice one to one time. Take heart, this phase will most likely pass very soon and congratulations on your baby!

Of course she’s jealous and tearful - wouldn’t you be the same if your husband brought a new wife home and then asked you to be nice to her or cuddle her ?

Just try to have dad hold baby / put baby down / in buggy as much as possible so you can have your DD on your lap/ sitting beside you.

I wouldn’t bother much trying to get her to care for the baby, as it’s obviously not helping. She’s quite young for that TBH. Go easy on all the “ now you are a big sister “ stuff.

She’s made it clear she’s not into that - she just wants to be your baby.

I have a 19 months gap and my toddler just ignored the baby for most of the time when he was tiny.

Yes, dd was 2 when the dt's came along - she wanted a sister.. we presented her with two brothers....she was not best pleased.

The boys were collective described as "the brothers" until about 18mths ..ie mum the nrothers are crying, could be either one.
We even had a play therapist in to try to help, but she really wanted nothing tk do with either if them. I think she "held" them once, she pushed her pickachoo in a buggy when we went out with the pram :)

They grew on her when they could take direction from her and could become her personal minions who thought she was amazing.

People promise toddlers a brother or sister . They know what a brother or sister is - it’s like their friends siblings who can play with them and do fun things.

Then all they get is a tiny baby who can do nothing. They hand the baby a toy and the stupid baby doesn’t even take it.

They smile at the new baby and it squints and stares at the ceiling.

They have ugly red screwed up faces and scream a lot.

They are not half as cute as their advance publicity.

No wonder the are disappointed.

Thanks for all the replies.

We pushed through and it's slowly got better. We have given our toddler room and not forced the baby on her but OMG, she's had some mega tantrums!

We're not quite there yet (8 weeks in 🙈) as she is such a daddy's girl. She will accept me dealing with the baby but not daddy. We're slowly increasing what he does with the baby but it's hard as he's not actually around much due to work.

If anyone is suffering in the same situation, I think it dies get easier but it is a challenge - or it has been (still us...) for us!

Our toddler seems to live the baby as she is really affectionate but she doesn't live losing the attention of two parents on one child!