Terrible Twos - when does it get better?

[Lonoxo]

DD almost 3. I’ve found 2 a trying age. She expresses her preferences which is good and it’s nice to see her personality developing and we try to accommodate her choices as much as possible. But she’s very stubborn and doesn’t listen to me. Even if it’s for her own good. When does it get better? I’m pregnant and don’t want my maternity leave to be a battle of wills.

I was widowed with two babies, so had to manage their behaviour alone. I found that giving the illusion of choice was a good way to avoid tantrums. Eg, instead of telling her to get dressed and risking a refusal and argument, ask her if she wants her red top or her blue top on, and immediately hand her the one she picks.
The other thing is to be totally consistent, and always follow through with consequences of disobedience. Never give in to repeated whining, however tedious - let your No be No, and stick to it.
This is a pain, but once your DD realises that you are not going to give in, they tend to stop pestering.
Similarly, if you have issued a threat of sanctions, you must apply them.
“If you hit your sister, you will be sent to your room. I told you not to hit her. Stop hitting her or I really will send you to your room. If you do that once more, you’re going to your room...” will be completely ignored as background noise by a child who long ago realised you were bluffing.
Whereas “You’ve hit your sister. You are going to your room right now” and carry her there, sends a powerful message that you are not to be trifled with.

Young children like to have secure consistent boundaries. If your rules are fair and reasonable, and always applied, along with plenty of love, encouragement and praise for good behaviour, you won’t go far wrong!
Some DC are more stubborn than others, but, as the adult, you are in charge, and it’s up to you to gain control. However, try to avoid humiliating your child by unnecessary domination - I detest the phrase “Because I say so”, and would always try to give an age appropriate explanation for why they had to obey.
My methods seemed to work- my DDs are now 29 and 30, civilised human beings and we all love each other to bits!

Thank you @Babdoc. I’m sorry to hear about your loss, it must have been very tough for you. These are very good tips here. I tried a few this morning. Normally I ask her several times to go upstairs and brush her teeth. This morning, I told her I was going upstairs with or without her. She followed with a whinge. Thanks again!

What I found very useful from about age 2 (and still do, DS is 3.5) was:
You can go up the stairs or in 321 I will carry you up. What’s your choice? 3...2...1.

9/10 times he does whatever it is as soon as I offer the choice because he knows I will do whatever I said.