To feel I can’t leave the house

[newmum234]

DS has a nap once every two hours. He won’t nap in the pram or his sling - only his cot at home. The last couple of times I’ve tried to take him out for any longer than an hour (roughly all I’ve got left before the next nap once I’ve fed, changed him etc) he’s missed a nap due to not being able to sleep when out. Both times he’s become extremely overtired and grumpy and very difficult to settle to sleep by the time we get home. So what’s the solution to this - do I have to forget about leaving the house for longer than an hour until he’s old enough to drop a nap, whenever that may be?

Also, I was hoping to book a couple of baby classes, but if these coincide with his nap times (which I can’t predict as they vary each day) then what am I meant to do? Feeling a bit trapped right now

Agh it's so hard isn't it OP! My 4 month old wakes up as soon as I stop moving the pram and sling too. The movement lulls them to sleep and so any change in movement wakes them up, if that makes sense. So... I just keep moving.

Could you pop them in the sling and walk to baby group? If we need to go out, I aim to have my LO nap on the way there so she's freshly awake and doesnt kick off. It's a logistical nightmare, and stresses me out. So mostly we just end up hanging out together!

Also your nap times sound spot on. Naps every 2 hrs is what they need at that age.

DS was like this! Hes 8.5 months now and has just started falling asleep in his buggy ( he's always nodded off in the car on long journeys ) but when home he wont fall asleep in the lounge, it has to be the bedroom, dark with white noise. Hes transitioning from 3 naps to 2 which has been great some days and awful on others if im honest but today he was up at 7.30 so I seized the moment and headed out for a walk with him, came home when he seemed sleepy and he had his nap at 10.30 for 2 hours which has been unheard of recently.

I find it so hard to get him to go to sleep be it naps or bedtime if he's overtired, you have my sympathy! I dont think lockdown has helped if I'm honest, we havent been out much at all so he's become a total homebird! The routine of the school run for DD does help though, gives things a bit of structure.

Why not try a group and see how it goes? If its awful, you don't have to do it again

@renallychallenged it's easy to say that...but imagine your DH/friend or anyone else just kept waking you up at odd hours or insisted that you had to listen to their loud music or go out and socialize when all you really need is some sleep....how would you feel.

whilst I understand that we'd all like our babies to be portable - not letting them have a proper rest is also not very fair. we wouldn't like it if our sleep was constantly interrupted.

babies really do need their sleep, some more than others. its not true that all babies can sleep in a buggy/sling/loud places the same way as some adults can sleep on a plane/anywhere but others need their peace and quiet.

the good thing is they only need this amount of sleep for a short amount of time

Can you try just going to one class per week at first, that way they can nap at home a day either side, and it would just be one nap that might be different.

We don’t really have a fixed routine yet, but my 4 month olds needs 3-4 naps per day depending on length and time.

For a class that’s starting up 9-10.30am I am going to assume he will nap a bit in the car on the drive there and I will aim to arrive a little early so he can get 20-30 mins in if needed, then he will nap afterwards. But he’s only 4 months, and it’s just a parent toddler group with free play, so it doesn’t matter really if I arrive a bit late or if I decide to leave by 10am for the first few months. Is there something similar?

If this was a 2nd or 3rd baby he would be out on schools runs / after school activities etc. You can still have a life, don't let your anxiety over rule.

This.

I would switch to the seat on the pram, partially reclining - mind always slept better slightly raised. Also just persevere, babies adjust

Just take it day by day. You are talking like every decision you make will be written in stone. This is your baby. There's no rules for what you should and shouldn't do. You get to do whatever you think suits your baby and your life.

Remember that as your baby's primary care giver, you are important too! How you feel and what you want to do matters. It's no good having a baby who sleeps in luxurious comfort in his cot with his black out blinds if his mother is a jibbering wreck because she's stuck in the house for months on end. That is not best for your baby.

Try a group, if it doesn't work then don't go again for a couple of weeks. Go for a walk somewhere pretty. If he wakes up when you stop, jiggle the pram about or do whatever you think is necessary. If he's a bit grumpy then he's a bit grumpy. If you have a bad day with him, then it doesn't matter.

@ScarMatty

If this was a 2nd or 3rd baby he would be out on schools runs / after school activities etc. You can still have a life, don't let your anxiety over rule.

This.

Well maybe so, but by your second or third child most people have more knowledge on babies by then and have learnt things from DC1 that they'd like to do differently with their other kids.

OP, can you send over a schedule of your DC's day, wake up/bed time and naps etc?

If this was a 2nd or 3rd baby he would be out on schools runs / after school activities etc. You can still have a life, don't let your anxiety over rule.

This is a good point, my second baby is like this although he's nearly 7 months now so goes 3 hours, but I have to go out outside of awake times sometimes for DS1's sake. Also, my DS outgrew his bassinet at 4 months as he's enormous, he MUCH prefers the pushchair it's much more comfy for him. Might be worth a try. If not being able to go out is getting you down then I'd absolutely go, it will be good for your baby to get used to sleeping in different environments.

I'd try it and see - my DD always slept really well after our baby classes! If it's only once or twice a week it shouldn't hurt too much especially as baby will probably be changing nap schedule again in the next couple of months so you might find it naturally gets easier anyway.

Agree with PP about what's good for you too - I would have lost it staying in all day. I really enjoyed baby groups and classes, despite being fairly shy. I think having a baby/toddler who will sleep out and about is really useful - it might not be the best quality sleep compared to a comfy bed or cot but I'm happy to compromise for days out.

Your baby only sleeping while a pram is moving is not the same as your baby not sleeping in a pram!

My daughter used to only sleep while the pram was moving - so I just kept moving! Laps of the park walking slowly with music or a podcast in my headphones. Got me outdoors and meant I was at least doing some physical exercise.

Re baby groups, are there none that fit into your baby’s routine at all? What about drop in stay and plays?

I remember this stage, where somehow despite taking up every waking moment for me DD managed to sleep through every class / group going. I was desperate for company and routine. It does shift OP. In the meantime do whatever works for you.

Re baby groups, are there none that fit into your baby’s routine at all? What about drop in stay and plays?

My baby doesn't have a routine, apart from going to bed at 7-7.30 at night. I don't understand how people have set nap times for babies at this age, unless you're waking them up after a certain time? DS naps every two hours but the length of naps vary from day to day, and I never wake him up unless I need to (e.g. we're off to visit friends).

it's easy to say that...but imagine your DH/friend or anyone else just kept waking you up at odd hours or insisted that you had to listen to their loud music or go out and socialize when all you really need is some sleep....how would you feel.

I hardly ever wake DS - he sleeps for as little or as long as he wants. The only exception is if we've got plans to meet a friend for lunch or coffee for example.

I get what you're saying about being woken at odd hours, but would 1 or 2 classes a week (where he might need to be woken to attend) shouldn't be too much for him?

Sleeping every two hours does seem a lot of sleep for his age, maybe the classes would amuse him and hence not so sleepy.
I’d persevere with walking with pram, he will fall asleep eventually, it might make for a few hard days but worth it. If he’ll nap in pram
you could stop for a coffee or pop into shops.
You could sit him up in pram for a look around him and flatten it if he’s tired, he’s at an age to be engaging with the world around him not lying down all the time.

Sleeping every two hours does seem a lot of sleep for his age, maybe the classes would amuse him and hence not so sleepy.

I'm confused now as other posters have said once every two hours is right for this age. He's also getting exactly the number of hours he's meant to per day (14-16).

I've also read that it's best to keep babies flat in their prams until 6 months, and the pram instructions say that too. NHS says:

“Pushchairs, also known as strollers and buggies, are only suitable for young babies if they have fully reclining seats, so your baby can lie flat. Wait until your baby can sit by themselves before using another type of pushchair.”

DS can't sit by himself yet!

Obviously every baby is different though. If your son is sleeping well, and sleeping every 2 hours works well for him, stick with it. Just because people on MN say otherwise doesnt mean you're doing it wrong. You're his mummy, you know him best.

OP you cant following each piece of advice on here to the letter. If something works for your son, carry on doing it.

I also didnt keep my son in his bassinet until 6 months. Hes massive and he started crying because he was uncomfortable in it at around 4 months old.

Rules are great, but you need to be flexible.

Thanks @Letsallscreamatthesistene - can I ask what you did with the pram? Does yours have a recline/semi recline position?

OP sleeping every 2 hours isn’t too much at that age, you’re absolutely doing the right thing by your son. It’s frustrating if you have to make the choice of a grumpy over tired baby or a day out. Speaking as someone who has a baby who won’t sleep in a pram that started a very similar thread recently! When down to 2 naps things will be better and eventually 1 nap even more so.
Some people have chilled babies who sleep everywhere, some don’t 🤷🏼‍♀️

My baby was in the pushchair bit of the travel system from 10 weeks in the reclined position because she wouldn't ever lie flat (reflux). Her head strength was fine and she was in no way upright - probably a 30 degree angle if that. It was either that or the car seat and that is worse. I don't know many people who waited the full 6 months.

At 4 months my boy hated the bassinet. We moved to pushchair bit with a head support cushion thing and he loved it. It lays flat for when he falls asleep. You could look at a snooze shade to make it darker for him and a white noise app to help comfort him.

Absolutely try the class. All the interaction might keep him awake and he will nap after. My first class was last week and babies were feeding sleeping changing crying laughing. Everything. I think it’s the norm at these classes.

I refused to be a slave to naps and went anyway, I pushed through the grumpy baby bit and just did what I wanted.

But there’s no right or wrong and it sort of helped that I had a daily commitment (my horse) outside the house that I had to go to. So it made me just get on with it.

If you had a second child you’d have things you have to do and baby would just have to cope-so even though I only have 1 I decided to adopt that mindset.

Try a baby group a few times and see, no-one cares if they scream.

Meant to add, keep using the bassinet. Your baby doesn’t sound ready to move up, it’s not good to sit them up if they aren’t ready. We didn’t move until 7 months.

Persevere with a sling or carrier though, I found that more helpful.

honestly, am sure your baby sleeps fine as in as much as they need to. my baby had a routine but that was his doing not mine.he always had a super strong internal body clock.

just gently try to take them to baby groups and see how it goes. if it works great but if it doesn't it's not you or your baby's fault. there is a lot of myth making around what the first year is like - apparently largely made up of mums just drinking coffee and making lovely friends left right and centre.am sure it's true for some but not all