My Teen Does Nothing to Help

[Userxyz123]

I don't expect much and she will occasionally empty the dishwasher and that it is (occasionally). Homework comes first and I have always stuck to this but she is not doing homework all the time, just hides in her room on her gadgets (and says she is doing homework). I'm talking about simple things here, like carrying some washing upstairs. I have two younger children in the picture too. There is absolutely zero thought on her part. Sorry, rant over. Anyone?

How old is she? Does she refuse to help if you ask her or do you just mean she doesn't do of her own accord?

14. I haven't seen much of her today! It's the weekend - another late night and she has disappeared into her room. If she happened to appear, she would probably do something like carry washing. Sorry, I'm just feeling overwhelmed at the mo. I suppose I'm desperate for help, I don't get much in r.l. The sensible thing to do would be to employ a cleaner but I can't justify it at the moment - I am a sahm (with a pre-schooler) and trying to start an on-line business. My dh has the 'big job' which seems to keep cropping up on various threads lately. I am also peri-menopausal. My dh is helpful but examples like today, don't help - I had to pop out for some shopping (and also a bit of research for business). I said to dh what would really help whist I'm out (and pre-schooler slept) is cleaning the bathroom - he ended up dismantling our second washing machine - the first one is working perfectly well, so I ended up cleaning the bathroom! I'm not super neat, I tend to let things go a lot (i.e. leave teen to her own devices in her own room etc.) but things get to a certain state and it needs doing. Sorry, sometimes I just need to rant.

The dishwasher is the only thing Pam. She used to lay the table too but that stopped.

In our house teens set the table before dinner, empty the dishwasher and do their own laundry. I don't expect any more than that and though I comment on their rooms from time to time I leave it up to them.

It's really tricky isn't it. I'm sure you've tried loads so sorry if you tried this. I realise that times have changed but when I was teen I was much the same for a while. My mum used to give me choices and I have since been on behaviour management courses for my job that say the same thing. Don't nag, don't shout, don't argue.
'You can either empty the dishwasher every evening or you won't have your phone this weekend - choice is yours'. This worked on me pretty quickly.
'You either tidy you bedroom today or you do it tomorrow instead of going to *s house'.
She always followed through and for me (after a few tough months) it was enough, although I understand it wouldn't be for more stubborn teens.

frenchfancy...how old are your teens? With 3 dcs, I have literally mountains of washing.

Marmite, I didn't do much either but that was because my mother preferred to get on with things and have us out of the way (I was never asked). But I always did lots for my grandparents (pre-teen) laid table, helped to dry up, fetch newspaper.

It doesn't help that she is the same size as me, I need to remember she is only 14. It's hard sometimes when you are under pressure, to remember this.

Same situ here. As of today I have told ds13 if she won't be responsible for doing anything in the house - including her poor rabbits - she can take more responsibility for herself. A new washing basket will be appearing in her room and she is to do her own ironing.. She is one of 5 and the worst. Although Ds16 is up there...

My daughter was moaning because on occasion she had to make her own lunch (a sandwich) during lockdown. Apparently, all her friends mothers always supply lunches for them (I never ask her to get involved in the main meal).

How about each job completed earns WiFi time? No jobs done, no WiFi.

justmuddling...wifi - this is awkward but we have used it. Mobile data...doesn't need wifi? - she has a limit to this but will use it. Plus, I'm trying to get a small business off the ground, there doesn't seem like there are many repercussions these days for her age group.

Who pays for her mobile data?

As the parent you need to tell her what is expected and then have consequences of she doesn't do her part. At 14 she is more than capable of doing loads of things around the house, and not teaching her these life skills is doing her no favours. She's 14, not 4. Don't fall for her moaning, "all my friend's parents blah blah blah, nonsense. If she wants to start being treated as a responsible teen/young adult, she needs to act like it.

It's hard.
I had some success today though. I had to go out and told the dc's every phone app except WhatsApp would be remotely locked (Google family link) until they sent me photos of the washing on the line and the dishwasher empty and refilled. Then I'd unlock the other apps. It worked .