Child Arrangement Order! Help

[Helpmexx]

I had a my daughter 12weeks ago, I want to know how easy it is to get a Child Arrangements Orders, I want my daughter to live with me. He doesn’t support her, I’ve looked after her since she was born, he refused to come see her so now I have to let her go to his house 6hrs a week on a Monday aagast what I want, with a few bottles of expressed milk.

He said he wants her 2weeks then me two weeks which I refused. He works for him self so it’s possible for him, but for me how am I to find a job that gives me every 2 weeks off it’s not doable, plus I’d rather be home looking after my baby girl.. am I the only one that thinks it’s crazy ???!!

He is more than welcome to come see her whenever he wants but chooses not to. He left me when I was 4months pregnant he made this choice not to be a family. I refuse to lose her.

Also he told me to stop breastfeeding as he said I was using it so he can’t see her. I’m breastfeeding he because it’s what’s best for her.

Can I get a Child Arrangements Orders and be her primary carer as I am already? Or will he be able to get one?

I don’t want to do 50:50 I don’t think it’s good, I think a child needs a permanent home and Stability.. am I wrong?

Who said she has to go to his house for six hours on Monday? If it’s him then tell him no way. She is far too young for that.

You're breast feeding I presume? How can he have her 2 weeks on 2 weeks off?

Agree above. You do not have to stop breastfeeding until you're ready, and certainly don't have to hand her over for 6 hours at this young age. I would also be hesitant about introducing bottles this early if you want to ebf even if it's expressed milk.
Tell him it's not happening. He can come and visit her when you say so for short periods of time to begin with. Courts won't even entertain his suggestion yet.
Be firm and stand your ground. Let him waste money on court if he wishes. But under no circumstances do you have to hand her over like that right now.

@Helpmexx Just our of curiosity is he on the birth certificate

Hi OP. I'm a family solicitor. You don't have to let your baby go to him for contact in a situation where you don't think it's in the baby's best interests. If you're happy for him to come to you and he refuses, that's his choice.

You don't need a child arrangements order if there's no dispute that the baby lives with you.

Even for much older children a court would be very unlikely to order a 2 weeks on/off arrangement. It's completely disruptive to a child who needs stability and a sense of place. Sometimes there can be an order for a shared week, usually split into 3 and 4 day patterns. This wouldn't be appropriate until after toddler age. It also requires a lot of communication and shared motivation to make it work.

I agree with a previous poster about letting him bring the application if he wants a court order. You should offer what you think is in your baby's best interests, offer it in writing (email is fine) and keep a note of his responses. As long as you are promoting a reasonable level of contact, a court will not be critical of you.

Sorry just read that back - it's been a long day!

I should have said - you don't need a 'lives with' order if there's no dispute over where the baby lives. There are 2 types of CAO, 'lives with' and 'spends time with'. In your case, a 'spends time with' order may assist if there continues to be disagreement.

@wejammin

That’s the problem there’s already a dispute! He wants me to stop breastfeeding so he can have her 3-4 nights a week and I refuse, but as a mother shouldn’t I have residency? Would it be easy for me to get if we did go to court? I’m terrified of losing my baby girl, plus he works so he’ll be taking my baby and probably giving her to his mum, I’m here for her 24/7

I’ve always said he’s welcome to come down; give her a bath before bed etc he chooses not to, he hasn’t once, and he won’t pay me maintenance, he brought me 5 packs of nappies and wipes and said he would bring me them every 2 weeks he done it once and then didn’t again. He said he shouldn’t have to if he’s buying her stuff for his house..

He just keeps saying when she’s old enough in a few months I want 50/50, he even said why can’t he have her 5 nights a week and I have her in the weekend! What kind of studipness is that!!

I said for now he can have her for 4 hrs every Monday but he’s got it to 6 as he says his family are waiting to spend time with her to, and I said when she’s around 1.5 maybe a night a week which even then I think she may to be too young. I’m a first time mum so I’m not sure how people do it.

@Blak

Yes he is, but I gave her a double barrel last name my name last.

Just ignore his requests. Your baby is very young. What she needs right now is stability and routine.
I wouldn’t even let him have her 4 hours away from me right now. You’re breast feeding. She’s likely to need feeding in that time. Keep offering him contact on your home with her. If he refuses that’s on him.
Do not let him dictate this. Be reasonable over him seeing her, but please don’t let him force you into agreeing to things that doesn’t work for you or your daughter.
He’s bullying you. You need to stand up and be firm. He will soon realise he can’t take advantage like this.

@Helpmexx there's no automatic 'right' for the mother to have a lives with order, but if that's the reality on the ground then it's likely that's what the court would order, subject to any allegations by dad of welfare concerns.

However court proceedings aren't 'easy' in the sense that they can become stressful and emotionally fraught, and particularly with babies that's not the best use of your resources.

You can't lose your baby. If he kept her, then the court is a very useful tool for emergency applications. He would be shooting himself in the foot for future applications.

Do not stop breastfeeding at his say so. He has no right to make those demands of you. He has to work around the baby's needs, not the other way around.

If he won't pay maintenance by agreement, go through the child maintenance service.

You need to be very firm and very clear with him about what is not acceptable to you from the start and do not let him dictate to you. It's not fair on you or your baby.