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Parenting

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Original poster

age gap between siblings

14 replies

mummyloveslucy · 07/10/2007 19:51

Hi everyone, I was wondreing what age gap would suit us the most. My daughter is 2 1/2 and is at a private school in the nursery department. I would like her to stay at the school untill 11 at least. I don't really feel a great longing for another baby right now but don't want to wait until she's in the junior school as I couldn't pay the fees on my maternity pay. I also couldn't afford to send two children to the school at the same time. It is a girls school so a baby boy would be a lot easier. I also had to go through treatment to have my daughter and was very ill. she is so special to us she is our whole world and we want to do what's best for her and ourselves.(my husband would like another!) Please advise me as this seems to be on my mind a lot

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Elasticwoman · 07/10/2007 21:03

H'mmm. Your husband wants another child but you say that finances do not allow 2 children simultaneously at this school. Is he less keen on private education than you? How does he see your family funding private education for 2?

Do you want to stay in the private sector for post 11 education? If so, I guess that will be still more expensive.

Seems to me that there is no good time for you to have another, if you want to stay with private education.

Lolabelle · 08/10/2007 12:19

My daughter is also very special to us and means the world to us HOWEVER so does my new baby boy that i very much wanted so you see this shouldn't be about what suits your financial arrangemnet so much but what you actually want to do in your heart. If you don't long for a baby right now don't do it as two young children to look after can be very stressful and if you are going to be under financial strain also which putting two children in privately will no doubt be so then this may not be the right decision for you. Only you know but if you aren't emotionally or financially ready for another baby then thers no reason why you should feel you have to have one is there?

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 08/10/2007 17:47

Hi, yes I know what you are saying lolabelle
and you are absoluitly right.My daughter was so longed for as we underwent treatment for two years to have her and I worry that another baby won't be as longed for as her as we already have one baby and feel extreemly blessed. Also the thought of more treatment and sickness terrifies me. I feel it would be more for my Husband and Daughter as she loves babies than myself.

Hi elasticwoman, my husband and myself are not so keen on private education in general as there are some that are just money making buisnesses, but this school in particula is fantastic my husband has said to me that he'd rather not have another baby if it means taking our daughter out of there. Do you think It would be fair for our second child to go to state school? If It's a boy then he'll have to as it's a girls school but what if it's a girl ?

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mummyloveslucy · 08/10/2007 19:08

Does anyone think an 11 year age gap is too big? as by this time it would be like having two only children, and I think that by this time I would realy long for another as my baby would be quite grown up and I could relax and realy enjoy them both seperatly. It would be better financialy because if my daughter goes on to grammer school then if baby is a girl then she can go through the private primary, but if it's a boy then my daughter could stay at the school or my son could go to a private secondary if he realy wanted!
I know this is looking very long-term but I just want to get it right for all of us.

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nospeak · 08/10/2007 19:12

I don't think it is fair to just have one child in a private school even if your second child did turn out to be a boy. It could lead to resentment later.

Why don't you wait until your daughter is 11 and see how you feel then?

Kif · 08/10/2007 19:13

Are you sure you want another? Your daughter is just about to become articulate little girl. It's different with one, but not necessarily worse. you would have more time to hang out and chat with her; you household would become more mature and probably more relaxed.

p.s. I'm an only child btw. I think for better for worse it makes you closer and more articulate with your parents.

Kif · 08/10/2007 19:14

My close friend has a 19 year gap to her little brother. He's more of a 'cousin' than a brother, but she babysits lots for her mum.

miobombino · 08/10/2007 19:54

Could you ask the school if there is a discount for siblings ? Or a way of paying that's more flexible than termly, eg monthly in arrears or something. Private schools often offer a discount at least; dd's old school had 10% off per sibling. some schools offer more. Not that that should be your deciding factor, but no harm in asking.

Otoh it's fine to have an only if that suits too !

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 09/10/2007 20:10

Thank you everyone for your advice. I hadn't
concidred sibling discounts, I will definatly ask obout that!

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Elasticwoman · 09/10/2007 21:36

Each to his own, but i wouldn't consider educating one sibling privately and not the other. Some one in dh's family did that and there was great resentment in later life. It would be very hard to explain why you were not being even handed to your children.

Re large age gap: nothing wrong with it in principle so you could always wait and see if you still feel like it when the time comes.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 09/10/2007 22:41

I know elasticwoman, and I really don't want to do that at all as it would be unfair. My Mum had me in a private primary and my brother went to a private secondary which we were both fine about. Maybe I'll do that.

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moodlumtheWOOOHOOHOOhoodlum · 09/10/2007 22:51

Absolutely each to their own, but IMHO I chose having two children and having to chance the state system over having an only child privately educated. I was the latter, and at any stage you could have asked me which I would have preferred, and I would've said sibling, everytime. Its so dependent on family and the type of people you are, so its impossible to generalise, so you can't say that only children are 'more articulate and closer to their parents'.. Its like everything, it depends on who you are and how you bring up your children!

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 10/10/2007 14:59

Thank you for your point of view as an only chil in private education. I'm sure Lucy would feel the same as she loves babies, the last thing i'd want is for her to be lonely. I have made my decision. I'll have another baby (god willing) and if I can mannage to have them both at the school then I will and if not then they can go to our local primary at least they'll have each other. I want to do my very best for my children and that includes fareness. Some things are more important!

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Elasticwoman · 10/10/2007 20:01

Hoodlum, that's the first time I've ever heard an only child admit to having wanted siblings. How do you feel about it now as an adult?

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