Work/child/life balance

[Gurus]

Hello everyone. So I work for the NHS yes I am the reception lady we all have to talk to to get a app to see a Dr now days. It is a hard draining stressful Job with a lot of pressure to help everyone with very few apps available daily. Usual issue is lack of staff etc etc. I am finding it soo hard to be a good or even useful mum at the moment to my 3 Yr old child he is my angel and my soul but I am so anxious about work and so stressed all the time that by the time I collect him from nursery and get home all I want to do is hug him and sit with him. He has dinner at nursery so I try to get motivated to play and bath and stories etc but it normally ends up with him watching my phone while I do house work and get food ready that he won't eat so I eat. Needless to say I am getting fat which is not helping and I truly do not know where to go from here.
Have spoke to work who seem to think we are fully staffed (joke of the year) and not much apart from talking to occy health to offer which I do not think will help. Query talking to a gp to try some anxiety meds but as is suffer migraines that could prove tricky.
Night time routine is my BEST part of day I take little one to bed and lay with him till he falls asleep and is the hour or so in the day when I feel relaxed.
Pls has anyone got any words of wisdom or advice or ideas I can use to try to cope 🤔🤔
Before I had my son I had a job I loved out in the open air all day so I was fit healthy and no where near as stresses but I can not go back to that due to the hours and childcare. I think this makes it even harder for me now knowing what I had before

Is your long term goal to change jobs?
Short term what would help? A cleaner? Healthy ready meals for a few nights a week? Do you have a dp and does he do
His fair share?
I’m self employed so can be very quiet or too busy to keep up. I have a cleaner once a fortnight, eat ready meals sometimes such as those cook ones, I have enough clothes etc so I only have to wash once a week and I put the clothes away in outfits. Trousers/top/socks/vest for my 3 year old. I’ve also significantly lowered my standards, I like to say I wash towels and bedding weekly, it’s every 3 weeks apart from the kitchen and bathroom hand towels. Garden don’t bother with it apart from the grass. Online shopping pretty much the same every week. Dh to do a share despite working very long hours.
It frees up the maximum time to be with my children.

Pinterest has some good ideas for time saving such as cleaning rotas, and easy meals. Look at the crock pot dump meals which can be made in batches and frozen

I would love to find another job but now is not the ti no me with all the millions seeking work at the moment. I have a partner but that is another issue he tries to help but main issue is he has no driving licence at this time so can not help with drop of collection of son on my long days. I have work uniform so that is easy laundry and I love your idea of how to do sons laundry. May look into a cleaner once a week for kitchen and hovering
I love my large garden me and son spend lots of time in it de stressing and planting playing.
Yes to on line shopping thank goodness
Am tying all I can but feel a massive failure

It’s not forever if you are going to change jobs in the future, even if it’s a couple of years time. Worth keeping and eye out though.
It doesn’t sound as if you are failing, you hot quite a few things sorted for time saving. Definitely a cleaner for all those jobs that you never get chance to do or for just keeping on top of things.
Does your dp work? And can you afford driving lessons for him as that might help long term? If dp is on shorter days can he get dinner ready for when you get home? Also he can do the washing and change the beds.

Try and give yourself a limit of how long screens are out. During the ‘allowed’ time don’t worry and do what you need to do. Then make time for the two of you, picnic tea with a story, going for a walk before bed etc

Seriously change jobs. I was like this and I've just made the change to something less stressful. It took lock down and working from home with a much lower workload to get me to see how much happier and relaxed I can be without my old job. Life is far too short to be this miserable. Did you have migraines before this job by any chance?!

Look at changing jobs, I know how stressful this type of job can be, its no joke. Even if all you can do right now is look and make plans, just look into it. There are less stressful and nicer jobs out there and it will make such a big difference to your homelife and guilt levels and this will have a positive impact on your little boy too.
Also although it sounds counter-intuitive try to carve out some time for yourself, try to get out into the outdoors maybe take up walking or jogging it helps so much. If you're feeling better about things you will have the mental strength to spend more quality time with your boy.
Also batch cook and don't spend time cooking meals he doesnt want, if he eats at nursery then isn't hungry at home, thats okay! Just give him a quick light supper /snack and he will be fine.
Let yourself off the hook a bit you dont sound like a failure at all. I know where you're coming from with it I have felt this way with a terrible job and 3 small children, but things are starting to look up now my circumstances have changed a bit. Its just hard and feels neverending whilst you're in it x

Thankyou everyone for all your comments. I am always with eyes open looking for other work or at least a way to make work better. I am thinking a cleaner to do the jobs I hate may be a step forwards. I do need to carve some exercise time but I guess as I feel a bit depressed is last thing I want to do lol but I will look for maybe some fun classes to do.
I just so wish all my life could be as perfect as my son in my eyes lol

Thank you again for all your kind words