I'm Heartbroken.....

[ScaremyVile]

DP has taken DS away today for 8 days.
I have never been apart from him before.
I couldn't even say goodbye at the airport - I couldn't speak, I just walked away, sobbing behind my sunnies.

Since I got home I have put music on at 'ASBO' volume, sat in the garden (still sobbing into sunglasses) and chainsmoked 3 ciggies - I only ever smoke 3 a day maximum and i've had toasted waffles with melted Galaxy, strawberries and squirty (un)cream for dinner (no small person to set an example for), to be fair that was gorgeous but I still feel absolutely shitty.

I honestly dont think I have ever felt so pathetically heartbroken...EVER - and I was a teenager once!

In fact I seem to have reverted to being 15 again

Feel free to comiserate/berate/empathise....

Didn't realise our boys were such similar ages either - DS2 is 20mo.

Oh, I knew that Hunker...

I have realised, after a year and a half of basic rations, that too much sleep feels FAR worse than not enough.

Saturday night I slept 2 hours (stressed)- felt fine and looked fresh faced.

Last night 12 hours - I feel sluggish and slow and my back hurts and my eyes are all puffy, in fact my whole face is puffy.

I did just have a marathon (2 hour) bath - that was gorgeous and I feel a bit better.

Still missing him of course - but I dont feel as devestated as yesterday.

As much as you want your peaceful time, you kinda don't want it all at once! Hope you can make the most of your week and just imagine how lovely the reunion will be.

Yes, The reunion.........

He'll run to me shouting 'mama mama, wuv oooo' I'll be elegantly glassy eyed, (do toddlers do happy tears?) either way-he'll be overjoyed and give me kisses and stroke my hair (he will have learnt, whilst away, not to pull whilst stroking) and he wont let go of me til bed time or til I cramps, whichever comes first!

Not that i've given it ant thought - no no no - been far too busy and preoccupied being young, free, single and childless.

How are you doing? MNetting with your fourth glass of wine and a nice John Player Special (or possibly a menthol?)

Can't believe you had a two-hour bath, you lucky cow We have no lock on our bathroom door, and I'm rarely in there for more than ten minutes without DS2 wandering in, sitting next to the bath and gazing fondly at my tits.

lolol @ tit gazing!

Actually, not a drop of alcohol nor a puff of smoke has passed my lips - feel far too shitty after all that sleep (if my spring '06 'self' could hurtle forward in time right now i'd seriously batter myself for that comment).

I am feeling better actually, the bath really was lovely!

It's a strange thing because it feels lovely to just get on without having to consider this other person all the time - I'm reminded just how much I took for granted pre-child, but I also feel slightly without focus - there seems no reason to do anything in particular - this has proved to be pretty unconstructive and a bit unrewarding.

DP and I often wonder what on earth we did with our time before DS, well now I know - fuck all!

Have you really never had a night apart?
Is that choice or circumstance?

I have no comprehension of this too-much-sleep business, sounds weird to me.

I can't believe, looking back, how much time I wasted before having the children - oceans of time spent watching crap telly, smoking/drinking, lolling about. I'm sure that if I were in your position now I'd be frantically turning out cupboards, or quilting, or somesuch. It must feel very strange.

Yes, no nights apart - DP took DS1 off once for the night when we'd had a barney, but he reappeared two hours later cos he'd forgotten his inhaler Other than that, I'm so hopeless at sleep routines that they have always relied on my being there in order to go to sleep - well, not DS1 any more, but still DS2. I can go out for a few hours in the evening, but if he woke at 3am and I wasn't there, it would be moider, as they used to say on Hart To Hart.

One day I will wean and sleep train the little bugger, and then DP won't see me for dust for about two months.