Breast feeding help please..

[Cherryhill22]

My baby is now 4 days old and breast feeding has been a nightmare. I discharged myself this morning after being kept on the post natal ward as he was on the reluctant feeder pathway, not latching or taking an interest. Being on the ward was hell. Noisy hot and an endless stream of maternity support workers who all seemed overworked and impatient with me. Midwives only popped up occasionally to provide help and sleeping was impossible because after settling your baby a tsunami of other babies crying, beeps and staff comversations would occur. After days of relentless pumping, squeezing and trying he finally latched. I was still ordered to stay overnight to ensure he carried on. I am now at home and he is latching but is inconsistent. He is off and on, sometimes during feeds, seems to feed for ages seems unsatisfied after and need more. He also gets upset once latched will reposition himself and eventually each feed has ended up with him crying and me having to give him formula. My nipples are sore and I feel like a big failure. Please any advice..

Has your milk come in yet? Normally it would have, but if he's only recently started latching it might take another day or so. If that's the case then he's only getting a slow flow of colostrum, which is good for him, but not that filling. Hence why he's getting frustrated.

Just continue as you are, latch him on as often as possible, pump if you can, and top up if you need to. You can reduce the formula later. Also lots of skin to skin, and breast as 'available' as possible. Would you be able to spend a full day cuddled up in bed with him? If possible with you topless and him just in a nappy (with a blanket over you both), you can dedicate the full day to topping up your hormone levels, and he can latch on whenever he wants. Send your partner to get any snacks/drinks/formula you need, and intercept anyone who tries to visit. Keep a book or Netflix handy so you can read/watch while he sleeps on you.

Sorry, I don't have any advice as such. Some of what you describe could be normal newborn behaviour to stimulate your supply - is he having plenty of wet and dirty nappies? Or it could be that he's still having trouble latching effectively.

It sounds like you could really do with some dedicated support. Some options are:
National Breastfeeding Helpline 0300 100 0212
La Leche League www.laleche.org.uk/get-support/
NCT breastfeeding helpline 0300 330 0700

You could also see whether there are any local support groups - a lot of them are running zoom support meetings at the moment.

If finances allow (you'd be looking at £35-50) you could also try consulting an ICBLC qualified breastfeeding counsellor - again, many of them are doing video consultations. I can personally recommend Lucy Webber www.lucywebberbreastfeeding.co.uk/ but I'm sure there are many other excellent options.

For sore nipples I recommend lansinoh. The only other thing I can say is that it does get better! Especially if you're able to get the right support. You're not a failure - whether you breastfeed, formula feed or combi feed you are looking after your baby.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but just know it is really normal to have issues latching & to feel sore at first. The best advice I can give is to get an IBCLC breastfeeding consultant to come to your house if you can afford it and they can check your latch. It was the best money I spent to get breastfeeding established with DS. Keep an eye on wet and dirty nappies as that will tell you if he's getting enough too.
It will get easier. Breastfeeding is tough at first.
As for feeling like a big failure, that is the baby blues kicking in. Go easy on yourself and get help if you can.

You are not a failure. You must be absolutely exhausted. Do you have a partner to let you catch up on some sleep now you're home?
3 pieces of advice:
Try and get him to latch on as soon as he starts licking his lips or moving his head, don't wait for him to be really hungry (fist in mouth, crying)

To heal sore nipples rub (gently) with a bit of milk at the end of a feed and stay topless as much as possible.

Find a local breastfeeding support group on facebook. They will help you.

You will get through this. It seems like this is your life now but honestly this phase is only for a couple of exhausting, painful weeks.

You're absolutely not a failure!

Breastfeeding is hard and there's such a lot of pressure for it to work straight away. I know babies are meant to naturally know how to do it, but mine certainly didn't.

If your little one is not settling because they are hungry then give them a small top up of formula. You can reduce it, eliminate it or increase it later on depending on how you feel but it's super important they get enough to eat by whatever means they will eat it. I did that with DS because it took him a couple of weeks to get the hang of feeding. He's 4 months now and there is no stopping him!

Very best of luck - I promise feeding gets easier!

First you’re doing a great job, well done 👍🏻

First breastfeeding with a first baby is really hard, the above advice about continuing to latch and some skin to skin is really good advice. Drink lots of water and just try and chill a bit while you’re not on the ward it sounds awful so perhaps now you are both home that will really help you fall into a pattern. When you use formula it can help in the early days to use a close to nature type teet so the baby doesn’t loose the habit of the right kind of suction when they are on the boob if you know what I mean.

Also a good nipple cream helps for the first bit where your nipple hurt!

Many congrats on your new baby. I found bf really hard. Many a night I was just too tired to bf my DS, I gave him a bottle and started again in the morning. It worked for me. He’s 19 now! Good luck and don’t worry as long as your baby is fed, no harm is done.

Ideally you need a trained professional to check your positioning and attachment. The midwives maybe left you some numbers. Your baby may be absolutely fine, and getting the hang of things. Count your wet nappies, less than 6 in 24 hours needs a call to your midwife. The problem with the top ups is using a teat may make your baby confused and cause latching issues. Try cup feeding with an egg cup or lid of the bottle. Wrap your baby in a muslin or towel first, because it's messy. Sit them up and hold the cup to their lips so the milk so the upper lip uis dipped in the milk. Aim for 10ml top ups so you don't over fill your baby's tiny tummy which is only the size of their fist. When you latch your baby on the breast try the biological nurturing "laid back" breastfeeding position. I have had lots of mums have good results from this method. Look for the UNICEF video called "breast crawl, baby's first meal". Don't be despondent if your baby loses weight, it's to be expected. Cancel all your plans and stay at home breast feeding for 48 hours and get to know your lovely baby.

Great advice here, second the suggestion of hanging about topless in bed all day, plenty skin to skin. Google laid back feeding/biological nurturing if you haven’t already. Prop yourself with pillows all around and get really comfy, let baby root around and make sure he comes at boob with a wide mouth. It’s so hard learning how to do it but be patient with yourself, you’re doing fab.

Congratulations on your lovely new baby!

Breastfeeding can be hard work, but it does get easier. Probably first 6 weeks you and your baby are still learning the knack.

If you can keep going, it's so convenient once you get over the initial hump so fingers crossed you will. Get all the support you can and lower your expectations of getting anything else done for now.

I have 5 DCs and breastfed all for varying times and with varying degrees of success e.g. I breastfed Number 4 for over 3 years and then struggled with DC #5 so a lot has to do with the individual baby I think. I found this video useful recently:

You are doing brilliantly You have just made and delivered a brand new person!! Polish your halo, re-adjust your super hero cape and have these

As a pp said upthread, if it's at all possible, get thee stripped to your knickers, DS to his nappy and into bed the pair of you. Try to get yourself into a reclined sitting position so you can be completely comfortable and relaxed. Lay DS on his tummy on your chest. And then try to stay like that gor the day. All that lovely skin to skin and all the snuggles and snoozes are going to release a storm of hormones to let your milk come in. You may even nod off and wake up with melon!! Even if he's not feeding, let him stay on the boob as you both get used to it. Use that nipple cream (or some breastmilk or colostrum) and I suspect that in a day or two you guys will be flying. Please feel free to PM me if I can help

It sounds fairly normal for early days. Once your supply is properly in it gets much easier. Usually around 6 days it suddenly improves quite dramatically. Try not to worry and it's really normal to just literally have you baby at your breast all day in the early days/ weeks! Make sure you have drinks and biscuits and hand and try to relax. Remember breastfeeding can also be for comfort as well as to actually feed x x

Seconding lots of the advice that you have already had here. It may be that your milk hasn’t come in yet - do your boobs feel huge and full of hot concrete? that’s a slight exaggeration, but not much of one in my experience! With his latching issues, it may not have happened yet. If it doesn’t in the next day or two, you’ll need to speak to someone as you may not be producing enough for him, perhaps due to his poor latch/feeding patterns.

You’re not a failure. 4 days is nothing in a breastfeeding story. It’s a skill that you both learn together, and a slow start doesn’t mean you’ll have long term problems. I can imagine your nipples are pretty painful after poor latch/lots of attempts/pumping. It won’t always feel like this, it becomes very comfortable and easy once they get the hang of it.

Try to relax and have LOTS of skin to skin time. It’s totally normal for tiny babies to want to latch on all the time for comfort as well as food, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not getting enough, cluster feeding is really common (and a right pain) in the early days.

They're expensive but hydrogel discs can help to heal cracked nipples. Can get them from Amazon or pharmacy.

Getting the right latch is vital and very painfully cracked nipples are a sign that latch has been wrong. Lots of people recommend nipple shields in the short term too (although I haven't used them and I think healthcare professionals can be against them).

Best of luck with it all!

Brill advice above as usual for MN :) Especially the advice about how to access properly experienced/qualified support - the helplines and IBCLC. I think you need RL support above all else but as you have noticed the maternity ward is not always the most productive place to get that support in.

Just wanted to say congratulations and try to breathe - these things have a habit of sorting themselves out. Formula is not the end. It's just a short term solution. You're doing so so well, and everything is going to be OK.

Thank you everyone for all your advice. I have been reading and absorbing everything. Feeling better about it all and will plough on. Hopefully milk comes in soon.

Definitely ask for support from your midwife and to be referred to your local infant feeding team if you're having any problems with the latch or baby's weight/nappies etc. It's bloody tough to start with but please remember that breastfeeding is a learned skill for both you and your baby - it's natural like how walking is (but takes time to learn how), but not like breathing is (which people think it should be like)!

Oh dear, I might not have been clear enough - I do think it's important that you get real life support, whether that's in person or remote. Breastfeeding problems do sort out in time but it's important to get help from someone experienced to make sure it's just initial teething troubles and not a physical issue such as tongue tie. And also support you in which specific things you should be doing, which might be different from advice relevant to somebody else.

Have you had him checked for tongue tie? Even if you have I'd ask again as it's so commonly missed

You are not a failure, it's hard work to begin with. Milk comes in three days after placenta is delivered as your hormones trigger it. You need to eat loads of cream cakes and high dairy fat items to help with the milk (what the midwives advised me and other people I know). Be patient and reach out to local health visitors or breastfeeding groups, they are normally very helpful. My second DS who is now 14 weeks was a poor at latching on to begin with and now he's a pro. You can do it and congratulations!