I want to own my body.. pls dont laugh

[SarahF2019]

okay. Yes this may be hilarious to some but please dont laugh because i genuinley need some advice...
So a long 9 months of pregnancy passes full of SPD, cramps, canulas, scans, heartburn, edema...EVERYTHING. And we welcome our beautiful son into the world (planned cs). Everythings perfect except he doesnt take to breastfeeding...LIKE AT ALL. So i resort to expressing via an electric pump every 2 hrs which makes me feel like a gross indecent cow.. dont know why. I just hate being naked on my top half. Additionally i have to have clexane injections every night...they HURT!

So 2 weeks pass and im tired, sore... my edema is still present and my c section scar is healing. But i look to my husband for SOME RELIEF. just a little pleasure.. and i know sex is off the table but i suggested foreplay because i JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN...

AND....he finishes....in like 30 seconds..

I go into a massive rage, crying and screaming. Finally i find out why; I FEEL LIKE MY BODY ISNT MINE. Its just an milk making machine that is desperately trying to generate milk, heal a c section scar, heal an edema, take on injections and multiple tablets every day.
And I just want to be nice to my body but ALL its being exposed to is pain and discomfort....all for someone else..
Dont get me wrong i LOVE my son more than life itself .....but my body feels like its breaking down and needs tlc but i have no time inbetween 2 hr expressing...

Does anyone else feel like this?

Please tell me im not alone and what can i do?

It’s very very early days, your body has been through the ringer. I’d gently suggest leaving sex for a bit longer and also introducing a bottle of formula a day so you and your breasts can have a break. (I had similar feeding issues, and this is the advice I wish I’d heard sooner.)

The early days are really tough & all consuming! I totally get the "I want my body to be mine". I still feel like that at times but nowhere near as intensely as the early days.

I struggled with BF until about 6 weeks, then it was fine & became less frequent: I also hated expressing, the image you've described resonates with me so much!!

Definitely try to do something for yourself, I'm sure your DH will last longer next time or pay more attention to you for longer! It's so important but you're not alone in how you feel!

Hi OP,
This is so normal. I felt like this with both of mine and it really got me down. Talk to your HV if it’s really affecting your mood - I think with DC1 I actually mislabelled depression as ‘normal new mum mood’ it will pass I promise. DC2 is 15 months now and it is a distant memory - am back in my normal clothes and feel like me again. Be kind to yourself and don’t expect too much from yourself at the moment. Would it help to do one small thing for yourself? Like a haircut with DP outside with baby incase you are needed - I did this once When DS was about 4months and it was stressful Worrying about him needing a feed (he didn’t) but afterwards I felt better.

It’s very normal to have extreme mood swings in the weeks after giving birth. Your hormone levels are changing and will fluctuate. Tell your DH this, it’s hard for men to know what to expect - I know my DH had no idea about post-birth recovery, and was really relieved to be told what to expect and what was normal.

I’d leave sex a bit longer unless you’re really keen. I found it totally crap for the first couple of months - my hormones being off kilter meant I was dry and it was uncomfortable, and nothing felt “right” at the time. I found that really depressing and got myself into a bit of a state thinking that sex would be crap forever... it’s not. Your body just needs a bit of time to sort itself out.

Would you consider combination feeding? I assume from the fact that you’re pumping that you’re quite keen on giving your DS breast milk, but it sounds like the odd bottle of formula would give you and your body a bit of a break. Expressing every 2 hours sounds so hard, I couldn’t have done it. You could also try latching him on after he’s had a bottle, when he’s less hungry he may be prepared to try to suckle (don’t know what you’ve already tried, don’t want to patronise you).

It’s normal to feel totally utterly shit at this stage. It passes. Your lady recovers and you start feeling like yourself again. Try not to rush it, you can’t speed it up so you’ll only feel frustrated.

If you do try sex again, I’m sure your DH will last longer next time. I assume you’ve had a bit of a dry spell (I definitely did towards the end of my last pregnancy!) so it’s not really a surprise that he was quick. Have been finding the same with my DH recently (pregnant with twins and have a 3 year old plus some long-term house guests, so intimate time is quite rare at the moment and not easy to achieve with my MASSIVE bump - he’s quite embarrassed about it sometimes, but we try to see the funny side!)

Omg guys thankyou all for being so mature and understanding. Im glad to hear im not alone but sad to hear some of us have felt this way.
Spoke to husband he took baby out for a walk and they came back with flowers and a card!
Husband is now painting my toenails and baby is resting on me. :) xxx feeling a lot better.
Gosh these hormones
Thankyou all xxx

I think it is very normal to feel like this a lot at first. I know I did with all three of mine. I clearly remember it even though my youngest is now 18 and off to university tomorrow.

I began wanting my body back during the late stages of each pregnancy and I freely admit that it is the biggest reason why I didn't want to breastfeed.

You are doing amazingly. Be kind to yourself and enjoy your baby.

Are there any breastfeeding support groups in your area? They may be meeting virtually now, but these sorts of issues are discussed all the time. It's such a common feeling