Struggling

[Mikey319]

Hi,

I don't really want to post this on here but I feel I am running out of options. I feel my wife is struggling with our 8 week old baby. I'm starting to get worried as she's not herself and she's feeling really down. She just keeps telling me it's normal to feel like it after a baby. I give her all the emotional support possible, but I don't know what else to do as everything thing I say she takes the wrong way. Any advice would be helpful

Thank you

My wife had postnatal depression after our second child and it is very common. It made her feel like she wasn't good enough and couldn't bond with the baby.

It didn't last forever and all I could do is be there for her. I took as many night feeds as I could, left her to have a lie in at weekends, made her breakfast in bed and just generally tried to reassure her she is special. It may have not helped one little bit with the baby blues, but it helped her not be down all the time until she started to bond with him and the feelings for him grew.

The hardest part was knowing what was causing it and being unable to fix it.

You both sound like amazing partners!

I had very bad PND and an unsettled newborn. My husband didn't really cope very well with the situation (something which we've talked about since). Sometimes I just wanted to be 'felt with, not dealt with', meaning I didn't need him to fix anything - I just needed him to listen and to empathise.

Your wife will come back to herself in time. The previous poster had excellent advice. Take care of practical stuff (cleaning, cooking etc.) without making a big deal if it. Make sure she has opportunities for rest - take the baby out for a walk so she can be alone in the house (if that's what she wants). But most of all, be patient and listen to her without judgement.

You could have a chat with the HV. Having a new born is incredibly hard work and at the start it takes all your energy. If she has been establishing breast feeding then it’s normal to manage a shower and brush your teeth twice a day and then all the rest of the time is taken up with baby.

What makes you think she is struggling?

Thank you for all your advice, she keeps saying she's not good enough, I keep reassuring her that she's doing an amazing job, I've managed to get her to book an appointment with the doctor about it. I'll just keep doing stuff and taking little one out for a walk or drive to give her some time to herself. It's slightly hard as no matter what I say she takes it the wrong way.

Thank you
Mike