Being a parent - Would you recommend it?

[Cherrypicker85]

Not a parent yet.
I've seen several threads of parents struggling and being miserable.
I'm looking to hear the other side of things.
Has it overall been a positive experience for you?
Has it changed your life for the best and how?

It depends, on many, many factors. What kind of child you end up with. Who you are as a person. If your relationship survives. If you survive. Can you cope with the nect 2 decades of your life changing utterly? Can you cope that possibly your relationship will break down? Or on the plus side - you end up doing the best thing you've ever done with your life. Your relationship just grows better and better. You potentially have wonderful family times forever more - or - you end up with adult kids who hate you. You just cannot know for sure how you'll feel.

It's changed my life for the best, yes, because I have this little person who I love more than I could ever imagine and everything about him gives me so much happiness, pride, joy.

That's not to say it's been easy.

DS is only 15 months so I haven't even hit the toddler years or school years yet. However, at 15 months, he still has never slept a full night. He has maybe done a 3 hour stretch at most. That's something nobody could have ever prepared me for. I never even thought such sleep deprivation would be a thing. In the earlier months, it was so hard. I was constantly exhausted and I didn't ever want to go out in case he took a nap and I missed the opportunity to join him. He's getting better now, but that's one element of parenting I hadn't even considered being hard.

Financially, it's challenging. DS is a big boy, 17kg at 15 months, in 2-3 clothes. I've gone through newborn, first size, 0-3, 3-6, 6-9, 9-12, 12-18, 18-24 months clothing in just over a year. That's 8 wardrobes I've bought him so far. In addition, I've had to upgrade his pram because he exceeded the weight limit, and he's on his third car seat (which was £350). Then there's nursery fees. He only goes 3 days a week but that's £550.

They've been the hard bits for me. The best bits far outweigh it. Every morning he wakes me up by lifting up my eye mask, smiling at me. Even when I'm absolutely exhausted, you cannot beat seeing your child's joy just because he's seen your face. Watching him learn things right now is amazing. He'll hear a song that says clap your hands or stamp your feet and he does it! It amazes me watching how their little minds develop. His laugh is infectious. Playing with him is so much fun. When he's getting tired, his little head resting against me is the cutest thing.

I've always wanted children and I feel so incredibly lucky to have this chunky little sleep thief in my life, and I can't wait to watch him grow and enjoy his life.

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz it is definitely seen as the norm. It can mess with one's head.

@Onceuponatimethen I do see your point. My (very loving and great) mother has confessed she was pressured into having me. I am obviously grateful to be alive. I will never know the toll it took on her.

@zaffa, @SelmaB thank you so much for sharing. You made me smile :)

I didn't know if I wanted kids and read loads online trying to help me decide. I kept reading that if you weren't sure that it wasn't right for you. I decided to go for it anyway.

Up until I gave birth I still wasn't sure but it turned out to be completely right for me and my only regret is not doing it years earlier. Everyone is different and everyone's situation is different, there's no blanket advice to cover everyone.

It's the best thing ever. It's hard work, frustrating and anxiety riddled but the best thing I've ever done without a doubt. The good things definitely outweigh the bad. It's so much fun and I've surprised myself in my capacity to love and be patient.

I'm more careful and conscious of other people's feelings now. Working in London for many years in fast paced and demanding environments had blunted my empathy a little and made me very impatient but having my daughter has restored the balance. I'm a much happier person for having her in my life.

No words can describe it and when it happens to you you will know what I mean. People can tell you all the pros and cons but you will have an entirely different experience and you'll feeling emotions you never have before x

Parenting is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, but also by far the most rewarding. The fierce love I have for my three sons took me completely by surprise. They are wonderful, amazing young men and I adore them. Oh, and they make it clear they adore me back

One thing I didn't realise is how much they still need you when they reach young adulthood. That's a hard part of being a parent because you can't always fix things for them, however much you want to, and it can be stressful and emotionally draining supporting them through difficult times.

I would totally recommend it. For me it’s the best job ever. My children are all grown up now, 30 & 23 but if I could rewind my life and do it all again I would. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking through rose tinted glasses, for the most part I was a single parent, and sometimes it was hard, emotional, expensive, & lonely but oh the good definitely out weighed the bad & I’m yet to come across anything else in my life as rewarding as being a parent, although I’m a grandparent now and that’s coming a close second.

A good friend said to me.. Anyone can have a baby but being a parent is damn hard work.. And it is, it really is. I'm a single mum with no friends close by or family to help and my DD doesn't see her father.. So everything falls on me.. Most times it can be tough.. But today for example, mummy wasn't at best and was a bit tearful, my daughter was so sensitive and hugged and kissed me so lovingly and wiped my tears away, and says love you mama.. she says please and thank you and is so unbelievably affectionate with everyone.... she's 2 years old.. I know that's because of me and only me.. So it's little moments like that, that make the tantrums, sleepless nights, everything negative.. Worth it ❤️

The first 5 years were hard. Two very small babies and the slog of work and parenting and no sleep was brutal.

Now though, it is the best thing ever. The kids are their own people and they are great humans and my husband and I are in our groove. Best thing I’ve ever done but I haven’t always felt that way, to be honest.

Pick a good partner is my tip.

I love my children.

But.....if I knew then what I know now, then no, I wouldn’t have had children.

It’s hard work and they take over your life.

I love being a parent but I guess it’s down to individual circumstances? I couldn’t imagine not having or wanting children, it’s alien to me. When I grow I hope to be surrounded by children & grandchildren & a big family (I know it doesn’t always go the way you plan it but I can hope!).

We are financially ok so I enjoy the days out: water parks, walks, play centres, trampolining, theme parks, zoos, farms, caravan holidays.
We were fairly poor growing up & never really ‘did’ much so maybe I overcompensate (e.g. I always wanted to stay in a specific hotel/waterpark & was never able to so was super chuffed to take my kids there & enjoyed it). It seems a bit childish when I think about it, but seeing my children happy & having fun makes me happy.

I’m an only child & knew I wanted 3 children, after my 2nd it was really, really difficult (suffered from sleep deprivation for nearly 3 years & I think undiagnosed PND) so I thought I was done but here I am doing it again! I KNOW it’s hard, but they are so much easier at 3 & 5 - I know it gets better.

I will disclose that I work full time and get time away from my children so that helps? If I was a stay at home mum, with less money, it would be all consuming & possibly I would enjoy it less. I do wish I could work Pt for that perfect balance but I will have to see when I go back to work after maternity leave with #3.

I would recommend it if you are financially stable & have a partner to support (or family, I know women do have children through other avenues etc). Without the above factors, I’m sure I would struggle.

As with @ScarMatty my dc have come along and fitted in to my life. We've had none of the rigid routines and strict bedtimes that mean you must be home every day by 4 to get started on it. My dc have learned to sit in restaurants and eat a huge variety of foods, we travel all over and have so many adventures and now they are 7 and 10 they are becoming so independent there's not a huge amount I have to do for them these days. They've been more like fun friends to hang out with. I've been a single parent for a long time and never regretted it it found it hard. Hopefully it won't all go to pot in the teenage years 😆

Parenting is such a personal, individual experience. Your experience will be shaped by so many factors, and many of them will be out of your control.

I've realised since becoming a parent that it doesn't come naturally to me, but I don't think I can recommend or warn against parenting - it's a totally individual experience, and you might absolutely love it.

Do it but you will reach your highest levels of stress, irritation, bordom, but also joy and happiness and you will have moments whete you see a cartoon clip in your head of chucking your baby out of the window along with a computer! I dream of a childfree life, but it will come and that will be the saddest day of my life. Welcome to motherhood! Just make sure your partner really wants to be a dad. Mine did. It really does make all the difference.

I don't regret it as I love being a mum but I do miss the freedom. I said to many people that I wished this lockdown happened when I was single and child free. It was very difficult being in lockdown with a 1 yo. You are also sleep deprived, can't do things as before leaving the front door as you have to think about child care for things like getting your hair done, nails etc or even a date. I'm approaching toddler years now and it's harder. I now prefer the 1-6 months of a baby life as it was the easiest for me even though that was hard. Its like a marathon of stress, lack of sleep, being tired, putting your needs on the shelf but it also brings you a strong bond, unconditional love and happiness. Without the positive side, I don't think I would have survived. Yes it's very stressful, the milestones, the sleep training, the tantrums and the feeding but I would say it's worth it.

It's both a complete joy and the most exhausting experience! Like PP say it's dependent on circumstances - we're in a lucky position in many ways. OH and I are on the same page with parenting styles, back each other up and take an active role in DD's life.

After I had DD1 I would have honestly told you not to bother. The change of lifestyle, the change of routine, the lack of freedom, the changes to friendships was so so so hard. I was in a very bad place for a while. I was certain I wouldn't have another. Fast forward 4 years and I fell pregnant with DD2 by accident - and to be honest it was the best accident that has ever happened to us. For me, the second time round it was much easier as I knew what to expect and we had already made the lifestyle changes.

They are now 6 and 1 - and whilst it is difficult at times I am glad we are parents and I wouldn't change it for the world 💗💗

You don't know what you're going to get. And I'm not talking boy or girl I'm talking what challenges they would bring. I have a child who refuses to do anything I say and has no respect for me, I've done so much for them, sacrificed so much, and they are eternally ungrateful. My other child is a delight in every way.

It is without a doubt the toughest thing I have ever been through, and you're a parent forever.

It's the best thing that ever happened to me. Same goes for DH. We love being parents. I don't even think it's hard because I'm quite a disciplinarian and as such have managed to form three extremely well behaved and absolute joys to raise. They're aged 8, 10 and 13 and rarely need telling off because they know what's expected. Kids are better with proper boundaries because they know where they stand. People are often telling us how lovely the kids are and that we're "lucky" .

Admittedly the first baby was hellish initially because babies were completely new to us and we didn't know what the hell we were doing but we learned as she grew and things got easier quickly. By baby no.3 we were experts and this shit is a breeze.

We don't have babysitters available so haven't used them so it's been just us and the kids and we have no regrets at all. I truly believe I spent the first 26 years of my life waiting for my real life to begin.

Of course being a parent comes with its own hardships and challenges but for me it's totally worth it!

I think this is pretty much the universal view of it but you shouldn't underestimate or trivialize the challenges. Pregnancy and childbirth can be difficult and leave you with PND and incontinent issues, it can also wreck your body. The very early stages are mind numbingly tedious but they do improve quite quickly. Small children have no concept of their own safety so you have to keep an eye on them every waking minute. They continue to do the most mindless and stupid things throughout their childhood and well into their teens and beyond. Not everybody takes to being a parent and it can ruin a relationship. Shed loads of women obsess on their kids and forget they are in a marriage to another human being. Kids are a lot more expensive than you ever thought possible. You may have to hold-down a full-time job at the same time and that creates all sorts of issues around child care. Teens are notoriously ungrateful and of course know everything. Not all children are well behaved and eager to learn. Lots of kids grow up with a demanding sense of self entitlement. They grow up and leave home. I have three kids and I love them to death, we both do , but they are not the reason why I get out of bed , they don’t “complete me” nor are they the sole purpose of my life and marriage. Children are a joy and a blessing but they can also be hardwork.

I think there should be a workbook available for preparation for deciding whether to parent.

It should include Will I be able to cope financially?

What will I do if I have a child with sn that can’t be screened for - with my dd and my dbro‘S dd neither of us will ever be able to work full time

Can I handle sleepless nights for years if I have a child who can’t sleep

Pp said they grow up and leave home

Not all kids do that either - I’m faced with lifelong support for a dd who may never be fully independent

Having a child with sn is always something that happens to other people - this is what dbro and I both thought before we had dc!

They are unconnected sn the two dds have by the way - we’ve just been unlucky

@ChesterDrawsDoesntExist “ I don't even think it's hard because I'm quite a disciplinarian and as such have managed to form three extremely well behaved and absolute joys to raise.”

I totally get this, but my very close friend has had a child who will not do what they are told - even the day nursery she went to from 9 months said she was impervious to sanctions or rewards. Not all kids are receptive even to excellent parenting.