How to you cope when your kid will only accept you?

[wreckedmum]

I am at my wits end...

3yr old DD, if I am in the house she won't accept her dad. I have to do everything from pour her cereal, brush her teeth, get her dressed, do all of bedtime, go to her in the night, everything. It is so so frustrating, and I feel like I am getting cross with her and losing my patience much much sooner than if I could share the load with my DH.

I sound like an awful mum but it is just exhausting. Has anyone had experience with something similar? At times I consider putting her to bed and getting in the car and driving away for a while just so my DH has to deal with her.

Any tips gratefully received

How much time does she get to spend alone with DH?
I think at 3 it’s fine to say Mummy is busy right now so Daddy will have to do it.

Yep, but dh just does things even when she says no mummy do it.

Then you need to say I can’t do it and go to a different room. My oldest was like this until DH spent more time with her outside the house without me around.

@Lockdownseperation she spends as much time with him as she does with me, we both work full time. He does try to take over from me but she just throws a fit and screams and the situation seems to escalate more than if I just sorted it in the first place

Maybe try to put some time aside to spend with her - just you - doing other things at the weekend. At the same time follow through with letting daddy do it and grit your teeth through the tantrums. I think they will get less if you do that though.

@ThePlantsitter it is just her and me at the weekends because DH works all weekend, so we do get plenty of one on one time. I am going to have to just let him deal with her more, even if it causes more upset in the short term. When it's just the 2 of them she is fine, it's just when I'm available she'll always want me

What happens on the two days a week when just DH has her?

@Lockdownseperation I am working so they spend their days playing together, heading to the park or meeting a friend. The same type of stuff I would do at the weekend with her myself.

@Lockdownseperation she is fine with him when they are on their own together

Just one of those things then I suppose. Very irritating I agree. You could try a few tricks like getting DD to teach DH how to do things like mummy does etc but ultimately she will grow out of it I'm sure, as irritating as it is to bear while it's happening!

I'd carry on through the tantrums if you can and remove yourself from the room where possible.

It’s a phase. I would leave them to it. It will stop soon enough. Your poor DH though will have to deal with the brunt of the tantrum on his own.

Maybe trying being busy in another room with the door shut so DH has to deal with stuff. It sounds exhausting but hopefully it’s just a phase.

DD was the same for ages. We had to implement a rule for bedtime that Mummy and Daddy alternate. DD is now very strict on whose bedtime it is.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing I love your username 😂 I like that idea. I would love to be able to implement this, I will speak to dh

[quote wreckedmum]@BeingATwatItsABingThing I love your username 😂 I like that idea. I would love to be able to implement this, I will speak to dh [/quote]
Thanks.

We sold it to DD that it would be unfair to Daddy if Mummy did all of the bedtimes and Daddy never got a turn. He’d be sad to miss out.

I have to do everything

You choose to do everything so your toddler doesn't have a tantrum. You don't have to - yes, she will cry if she doesn't get her way but children do learn that the world doesn't revolve around them!

Not sure why you’re frustrated with her.

I’d be frustrated with your DH - he needs to nurture the relationship with his dd.

It was like this with my dcs and it was only when the kids get older did it hit me, DH just didn’t make the effort for the right things. And that’s why they preferred me. I was (am) more empathetic, more caring and more balanced than he is. And age 8 and 10 they still prefer me!

I’ve spoken to DH a few times about it and tried to explain he needs to build a bond so that they come to him more. It’s unconscious with him - I end up doing more of the caring stuff without thinking whereas I’d have to tell him to comfort them etc and things like that.

You have a choice over this. You can’t just give in to a 3 year old. Her Dad does some tasks. That’s the end of it. Ignore the tantrums.

Just don't let her control situations. Tell her what's going to happen and who's going to do it.

So I've left my husband to put her to bed tonight and she is crying and screaming "I want mummy" over and over, so I leave them to it?? V hard to listen to

I know it’s hard to listen to. If you always respond to it though, she’ll keep doing it.

@BeingATwatItsABingThing I know, I didn't go up. He told her I was away to the shops and she settled down.

That’s progress @wreckedmum! Well done!