Step-family/ blended family

[Mamamama93]

I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for over a year now and he lives with me and my two children. I always involve him if I visit other family members. If we go to my mums for a roast on a Sunday it’s sort of assumed he’s coming, we’re family and that’s how I think it should be to some extent. We obviously have our own lives etc but I’d never want him to feel left out or segregated. Whenever he has his little boy for the weekend he always spends half of it at his mum and dads house with him, and then half with me. Moving forward when he’s going to start having him during half terms he actually suggested splitting this too. When he lives with me full time I don’t understand why when he has his son he needs to separate himself? I get that his parents want time with his little boy too but at the same time; why aren’t me and my two ever had included? His parents only live 15 minutes down the road. If I bring it up he acts like I’m being selfish because his parents don’t see his little boy much and I don’t think he realises how much it upsets me. I don’t want to be doing this forever, his home is with me and his parents should understand that, surely? When we have a child of our own will he still be expecting to do this? Have I any right at all to be upset? I don’t think it’s necessarily his parents asking for it, my partner genuinely wants to do that and doesn’t see it as a problem. I don’t really see his parents much and I’ve never particularly felt welcomed by his family, but then I think maybe they’re just different to my own who are just really bubbly and welcoming, and I’m just being silly! I’m so confused! Should I just respect what he wants and get over myself? does anyone feel I’m out of line? Be honest!

His time with is son is nothing to do with you or your kids - its for the child to chill with his dad and grandparents. You should put pressure on him to change this arrangement because it won’t magically make your kids feel more equal - it might in fact prompt the GP and your DP to differentiate even more because they see him losing out to your dc.

You shouldn’t put pressure

Are you never invited to his parents at all?

FFS, another person who thinks their idea of a blended family should be foisted on everyone and of course wants to bring yet another child into the whole sordid mess.

You've only been with him a year and you're already demanding to be like a married couple of 10 years and moved him in with your small children.

Stop pressuring and pushing this.

Bet you London to a brick you're already TTC as well.

Never understand why people do this. Poor kids.

You've been together for a year. You aren't a blended family. You're just boyfriend/girlfriend who have their own children. You can't expect him to act like you've been married 10 years after this little amount of time.

He should definitely have time alone with his child, just as you should be making time for just you and your kids.

I think you’re missing the point. I don’t get invited round at all. Not even for a cuppa, or anything. I don’t see any of his family members in between this time. It’s them and us. I fully appreciate that we aren’t married and we are absolutely not TTC. I’ve only just finished my nursing degree and there’s no way I’d rush into that. However I do feel like at this point I’m not welcome into the family. His parents had a negative experience with his ex and the mother of his child and I don’t know if this is impacting their want to get to know me. I don’t feel like myself or my two are included at all and that’s why it upsets me.

I would think his parents are wondering why he has moved in with a woman who has 2 children of her own. They are concerned for their own grandson. They probably think the relationship won’t last.

I’ve known him for much longer and we were really close friends for years before this. My parents have always been welcoming and supportive no matter what, and he’s known my little ones and I’ve known his little one this whole time. No matter what happens I know we will always be in each other’s lives. I guess maybe I’m being selfish expecting some remnants of the same in that I thought his parents wouldn’t shut us out. I don’t need judging for my choices, our children are happy and loved and safe and love being together. I was merely asking for an opinion on the situation moving forward.

Well it’s up to your dp really isn’t it? Have you told him how you feel? Maybe he doesn’t feel the same way you do. The issue is him - not his parents.

I have spoken to him about it but he always says the same, that his parents don’t see his little one often and he needs to cram time in with everyone, which I completely understand! I just don’t get why at least for one of these weekends, we aren’t invited to spend a couple of hours all together as an extended family. When I tell him this he says that he will make more effort to integrate us a little moving forward but it doesn’t happen. I have a great relationship with his little boy and he loves coming to stay with us, I just don’t get why it always has to be one or the other. I’m sure he would love everyone to spend time together too! My own children have very involved, loving grandparents on both sides so they don’t need that from his side and I’d never expect it, but that doesn’t mean they should be completely ignored in my eyes

When I tell him this he says that he will make more effort to integrate us a little moving forward but it doesn’t happen.
How long are you prepared to accept this?
That’s the choice you need to make.

I don't really understand why you want to go and hang out with your boyfriends parents rather than enjoying precious 121 time with your DC. You sound insecure to be honest. Focus on enjoying time with your kids and congratulations on your new career, that's awesome.

Things with your boyfriend will progress naturally but don't be in a rush to sacrifice your time with your kids to hang out with someone else's parents, sounds like a waste of precious free time to me.

I don’t want to hang out with them all the time, just once or twice it might be nice that’s all, even just for a quick cuppa in the crossover. I love my alone time with my children and I’m lucky that I get it quite a lot due to my OH’s shift hours crossing over etc. We spend most weekends able to do our own thing just myself and them and I wouldn’t change it. I don’t feel like I’m insecure, I just feel unwelcome and it upsets me when my family have always made him feel so included in the fold. Thanks for all the comments, it’s interesting to get a neutral perspective and I’ll bare them in mind!