Would you have reacted this way?

[PapercraftNinja]

I constantly question the way I discipline and I really upset my little girl so just curious if you have or would have reacted like this to similar situations?

She’s 3

Drank some rainwater out of the paddling pool
Me “ no dd that’s dirty “
She did it again
Me “no that will make you poorly don’t do that” and tried to talk about something else and distract
She did it again
Raised voice and said “no dd I said no and I told you why”
She gets really really upset not in a tantrum way

Is this really bad parenting? She’s now saying mummy doesn’t love me and really dwelling on it even though we’ve had a couple of nice moments since.

So what would you do differently? Ignore it?

Would have removed her from the situation after the second incident.

I tried to in a positive way, took her inside but she ran back to it

Is it actually really wrong to raise your voice in these situations

No it’s fine, she should have stopped. Christ it’s all I can muster not to drop the F bomb during times like that!

I have a much smaller DS and he keeps eating the cat litter stones. Speechless but. Every time he crawls to the litter box, I say A-A really loudly. He looks, I say NO (again loudly). Not necessarily shout but I would if he does not stop. If he persists I remove him but at first instance I prefer to use my voice because I would like to be able to remote control the child in a dangerous situation (i.e. in the street) if I have to, so I prefer to have some voice control.

I think there is screaming and screaming. A good sharp NO is OK, in my opinion, whereas having a shouting match with an older child somehow loses the point maybe? But at 3 I'd still be OK with some loud voice commands.

This may be not the case as I have not tested this experimentally on my child yet, but when training dogs (and other animals) it's not only the voice, but the demeanour, attitude and posture that matter. Again I need to test this but may be worth a try?

Lastly as PP said, every now and then it's just too much and we fall back on the good old F word.

Empty the pool after she did it the first time

You did your best - don’t worry.

But it’s worth thinking about next time. I would say “No. Not for drinking” and take her in to get a cup of water. If it happened again I’d say “No. We drink water from the cup” and if her language is up to it “If you drink the pool water, I will empty it”. Third time I’d empty the pool.

@slipperywhensparticus

Empty the pool after she did it the first time

I'd have done this too.

I have an older relative who had kids before me. She used to be 'no no no no no' and 'dont touch that don't touch that don't touch that'. I remember clearly thinking 'why the fuck don't you just move it?'

Basically I'd rather have a MASSIVE tantrum immediately than have it drag on and on.

I’d have emptied the pool after the 2nd time. Not as a punishment, just to remove the source of the problem.

Why would you think that's terrible parenting. Of course you can raise your voice. Sometimes its the only was to get their attention and make them stop and is necessary in some situations.

I would have told her no the first time, and if she did it again I would have told her that she would need to go into time out for three minutes/the pool would be emptied/she would have to go pick up her toys/insert consequence of your choice. If she did it a third tme I would follow through on that consequence. At 3 she is old enough to understand that actions have consequences. And while she might get upset over it, you can't parent a child effectively if you avoid any situation where they might get upset.

I think you did fine but at 3 I think they're old enough to understand consequences so you could have said if you do that again I will empty the pool/you'll go to time out.

@slipperywhensparticus haha it’s huge I can’t empty it by myself that’s why it was still full

Thank you! Sometimes I bite my tongue to make sure I don’t drop any F bombs! Thank you for your responses sometimes I feel like the only parent in the world to raise my voice

@AbsenceOfBlinkinLight totally get where you are coming from and will try this again next time. I think that’s how I started off but her running back and looking at me when she did it was like an up yours mum haha

@Wearywithteens Yeah I did both, talked and distracted, then she ran back and did it

It was a near impossible task to empty the pool especially in time to stop her doing it again!

I’d already said no it will make you poorly is that not threat enough?

Thank you for your constructive comments though it is appreciated. Obviously she’s been in situations before out and about like roads, knives on tables etc where there’s no need to raise voice or discuss I just remove the danger no brainier.

I understand where people are coming from though it’s interesting to take on board!

Please understand how I couldn’t empty the pool and I tried distraction though haga

Time out doesn’t work for us but might be worth considering again when she’s older