Suck-up don who gives stuff away in video games

[Folicky]

And as they say in The Cat In The Hat movie, no one likes a suck-up! And this is proving to be true. We've had a few incidents over the summer. A normally nice child (but who had spent too much time with his irritable mother over lockdown) who became a bit mean and would often be a bit shitty with my son when they were playing Roblox together (get him to buy his stuff, ask my son to exchange good items for shit items etc) and we sort of managed that we "no trading, no buying" rule but I had to threaten my son to enforce it (you will not get x or the device will be put away etc) to make it happen. Eventually what did happen there was my son did follow these rules and the other boy just got nastier and threatened to delete his account, which he can't do and my son knows that. But it was enough to register with my son that this kid had become a bit of a turd and he really didn't want to spend as much of his free time with him.

Anyway, my son also plays a bit of Fortnite (I know he's 6, but we're doing it). And he's told me he's 'gifted' some stuff to another kid he knows. This is stuff he himself (my son) didn't have and would have liked. This kid is generally quite nice and not exploitative but I'm worried my son is going to do this sucking up to a different kid he also plays fortnite with who is a bit mean. I think he's a bit mean for a variety of reasons but also partly he's reacting to how much of a suck up my son is around him, the cloying nature of it is annoying I'm sure. For example, My son chastises other kids on his behalf etc. This meanish kid has been difficult with my son before and excluded him and I think this is my sons strategy to keep him on side..... but of course it never works!
I think the reason this kid is mean is that his folks removed him from his child care setting during lockdown while my son continued as did some others and when he rejoined the childcare setting his nose was a bit out of joint that the others friendships had strengthened. I can clarify anything else, that's already too long, apologies. id be very grateful for any advice. Anyone been through this before at all?

Hiya

I’m sorry that your son is going through this.

I should start by saying that I do not have a child this age, but have worked in a family home where something very similar was going on so can give experience from that.

Part of the reason that games are age restricted is stuff like this. It isn’t just the violence, etc that the kids aren’t ready for, it’s the concepts and social factors that come into the virtual world. From what you’ve said, your son is not ready to play these games in this way.

I would either stop the game play (difficult now that you’ve allowed it, but would give him a ‘get out’ with this boy because he can say that you’re the evil one who won’t let him play, rather than the difficult and far too adult conversation of ‘youre not very nice’) or supervise his play so you can guide him through these tricky virtual social interactions. Is he being left alone with the device to play? Do you have any restrictions for his internet and game play?

I think you’re projecting on to the other child a bit - the concept that he is acting out specifically towards your child online because he was removed from childcare is a bit ‘out there’ for a 6 year old and takes away your responsibility as an adult to manage your sons online presence/use.

It’s worth trying to remember that they are navigating a whole social world online, where there are all sorts of issues that we don’t encounter when we speak face to face. He is likely not ready for this yet.

Thanks Eggcellent. That's very useful about your experience working with the family. I'm not sure I'm projecting about the kid who came back to the childcare setting after lockdown. He tried to initiate a game at the care setting a bit like tag but wherein the person who was tagged was not allowed to speak, eat or breathe. This caused a few of the kids to worry that they might die!!
Also I hear you about my responsibilities in relation to devices and video games. Very interesting to get an understanding of the social dimension to it, and the complexities of that. Cheers.