How to talk to my children about death of cat?

[Northernlassie1974]

We've had to have our beloved cat put down. We are devastated, we've had her since a kitten and before our children. The children were really close to her. Timing is dreadful, they're extremely emotional as starting a new school tomorrow. We've currently told them she is in the vets having medicine to try to make her better... She had been ill for a few weeks but hadn't eaten for a week they are aware of this and knew she was unwell (turns out she had a brain tumour and had gone blind 😭) if we tell them now they'll be dreadful in school for their first day. We will tell them Friday after school, hopefully by Monday they'll be coping with it better.
I know not to say 'put to sleep' but am struggling how to word it. Do we sit them down and explain she was too ill and has died? Do we say she had medicine to make all her pain go away and is now in heaven (I don't personally believe in God so it feels hypocritical for me to say this... But it is a lovely way for the children to think of her!)

Any tips or own experiences greatfully received!

I’ve just always told my children that their pet has died. That they can believe i in heaven, or in a star or whatever gives them comfort, it’s up to them.

Everything is stardust. She’s gone back to being stardust and her energy will become something else. She didn’t suffer and they never have to forget her.

No need for heaven. I’ve used the above for human death several times. Seems to go okay.

Tell them the honest truth. She was very ill, and the kindest, most responsible thing to do was to have her put to sleep so she no longer suffered. Explain that it was painless and very peaceful. Children can handle this better than you think.

We had to tell our children about our dog being put to sleep. Matter of fact, dog has died due to being very old. Vet tried, but too old. They were initially very upset, but bounced amazingly fast.

We’ve literally just been through this with our most loved guinea pig. And like you worried about back to school anxiety etc. My son is 8 and is heartbroken. I just explained that the guinea pigs body wasn’t working properly anymore as he had too many things wrong with him so the vet did the kindest thing to do which was to stop his pain and give him an injection to make him die. I think it’s best to be clear and honest. I’ve always been told it’s best not to talk about going to sleep and dying as it can make children nervous of themselves or others going to sleep. It’s best they understand death is death and that unfortunately it’s part of the cycle of life.

It depends on the age of the kids. Our cat had to be put down and he had been poorly for a while. We told them that he had to stay at a special house at the vets as they could take care of him better than us. I think our eldest who was nearly 7 knew it wasn't the truth but didn't question it. Our youngest who was nearly 4 accepted it and mentioned him a few times after and we just reminded him that our cat was too poorly to come home and was being looked after in his special home.

I explained very simply to my preschooler that the guinea pig was very old and her body stopped working and she had died. We have had various practical discussions about what being alive means. We also talked about feeling sad and missing her; I said I felt sad and missed her too. If you don’t believe in heaven (and I don’t either) I wouldn’t bring that into it. I rather like the stardust explanation by a PP. The wording will depend on the age of your kids of course and their current understanding of death. I think the main thing is to explain simply, factually and give space and time to their emotions. Losing a pet is so hard, sorry about your cat.

I'm sorry, no practical parenting advice as a FTM to be, but I've worked in veterinary for 10 years.

I think a PP is right in that connotations of being put "to sleep" can conjure up scary ideas about sleep, so best avoided perhaps.

But I think being matter of fact but gentle and explaining that cats and dogs sadly don't live as long as people do, that she was old and her body was tired and poorly and sometimes the vets can't fix them, so sadly she has died.

Sometimes it's nice for them to draw a lovely picture of her, or draw their favourite memory of her, or perhaps have a little photo of her framed that they can have in their bedroom. My 6 year old niece recently did this with our family dog for her to look at when she felt sad and remind her to think of all the happy times and remember that she isn't poorly anymore. It's really hard, and I'm so sorry for your loss as well, they are such a big part of our lives for so long x

We have just lost our beloved dog. I was very matter of fact with my six year old. However, I have also bought the recently published book, "Why do things die". This has helped enormously and explains everything in a child centred way. Sorry for your loss - it is devastating when you lose a family pet. 💐

Thanks so much everyone. Lots of info here, I feel better about talking to them about it now. A photo sounds nice too, we've got an empty frame on a shelf in the lounge so will be nice for all of us. Thanks again x