DH called my son a prick

[Wishforyou]

In most ways DH is a supportive loving husband and a good stepfather to my two children and he has been now for the last 8 years.
However, his tolerance levels are low. He really yells when my DS who is 11, talks back or refuses to tidy his room etc. Yesterday during one of these exchanges he swore three times, I forget all of the words, there was a f*ck in there somewhere but he called my son a prick. He’s also called him a brat and various other things in the past. It seems to be a temper that isn’t under control. He has never hit any of us and wouldn’t. He’s spent a lot of money and time getting my son’s bedroom decorated recently, he’s invested in all of us.
But calling my son a prick no matter how pre-teeny he is being isn’t ok with me. I didn’t say much yesterday, apart from he should be modelling behaviour that he wants my son to adopt. I.e. not peppering his language with swear words.
Afterwards he said sorry and apologised to my son but he has done before and it always happens again.
Do I take his further and suggest he get help or move on? Is this normal on an occasional basis? Apart from my wonderful recently
deceased father, I haven’t had the best male experiences. A bi-polar angry stepfather and an emotionally abusive father to my kids. I don’t want to overreact but...

You're not over reacting. I would also call that emotional abuse and he needs to get help. What he's doing is extremely damaging: at best your son will turn out just like him; at worst he will be an emotional train wreck and have awful MH problems.

My father was like this and it damaged me for life. He died a few years ago and I never give him a second thought - there's no love there. And yes, he did 'provide' materially for us and do all the things outwardly that a father should do, but he was an angry, emotionally abuse man-child with no relationship with his children.

My DH knows that if he ever behaved like that towards our daughter I would leave without a second thought (not saying you should - just demonstrating how much it affected me).

I’m sorry you had such a difficult time with your dad. My stepfather did some damage too over 16 years and I wanted nothing to do with him when he approached me a few years ago.

My son and DH do have times where they get on, playing football together, watching films. These are outbursts rather than the norm. He feels remorseful afterwards, I’ve said to him not to do it to his own daughter too in the past. He didn’t have the best role model, his dad was a violent alcoholic, now recovered but they have a distant relationship.

So your son is already dealing with an emotionally abusive father? And now has his step-father calling him a prick as well?

Nope. Unless your DH gets some help and commits to it never happening again, I think you need to put your son first.

Nothing good your dh does will offset the damage he is causing.
He is verbally and emotionally repeatedly abusing your son.